Friday, 23 October 2015

Stop being Stubborn and Proud Martyn


I have had an exceedingly long week.
It was a week, as can happen from time to time, where I had the boys for longer.

The main problem though is that in these weeks I am exhausted!
I am a mixture of proud and stubborn; not necessarily a good mix. I am constantly battling against stereotypes or expectations and it is and can be a weakness of mine to beat.

The first stereotype is of a Single Dad.
I, since being a single dad, have faced many stereotypes of what a single Dad is. Now, to be fair I hear and speak to a lot of Mum’s and Single Mums and with that I hear horror stories of ex-husbands and partners. Men who have very little access to their children and worse very little intent or willing to have access; there is some extent a place for Dads who don’t want or see their children at all.

In the past I have been marked as a “Standard” single Dad. I have walked into play groups, parties and the school playground and seen whispering about me. I thought this was paranoia until it was overheard and shared with people who are close to me. I suppose the idea is that most Single Dads are deadbeat Jeremy Kyle wannabes and from some of the stories that I hear and have heard I can almost see why this is the case.
However, I want access with my Boys and I don’t want the minimum of every other weekend and a Wednesday evening. I also don’t want to spend the money I earn on alcohol, women and cars; I want to be a Dad.

So with this first stereotype I am trying my hardest to do everything in my power to be an active and engaging Dad. Break the stereotypes and show that some Dads, like myself and others I know, are doing want Dads are meant to be doing.
The Second Stereotype is my Disability.

I know my limitations and know full well what I can and can’t do. For Example:  You won’t find me running and playing football down the park with the boys because I just can’t do that.
The problem I face here though is that some assume that I can’t do anything. I am disabled but that doesn’t stop me from being able to do other things.

So with this in mind I try my hardest to be as active as possible and to push myself to my limits that I am cable of doing allowing me then to give fully to the boys and continue breaking the first stereotype.
This brings me back to being proud and stubborn.

I am exhausted. I have been exhausted since the first two days with the Boys.
I have been doing far too much and something has to give. This week has seen me have the boys over a 6 day period. In that time I have also worked my usual 3 jobs and then kept on top of the housework and chores. How? I honestly don’t know.

It feels very much that I need to drop being stubborn and proud and just do lighter things from time to time. I know if I carry on like this something will break and I don’t want it to be me, again.
This realisation came to me last night as I lay in bed. I had just rubbed gel into my legs to stop them from burning and was taking my medication. On coming to the tablets that stop my twitching I ended up taking a few more as I had been very twitchy and off balance all day; these days happen but it really highlighted that I was at the end of an intense week.

So with that I think I just need to stop, drop the pride and stubborn attitude and realise that it is perfectly Okay not being a Super Dad every day of the week. Each day I have them doesn’t need to be a day packed with happy, engaging activities we can have a “lazy” day too. We’re all human and we all have limitations. I think this week just reminded me that I have mine too.

7 comments:

Jeanthecreativepixie said...

Aw bless you it must be difficult at times for you. My husband is disabled, he uses a walking stick, and he finds it tough with our girls at times. However they're at an age now where they know that Daddy isn't like other Dads and has good days and bad days.
Stay strong.
Jean

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks Jean. It's tough at times. The boys understand that I'm not like other dad's and are very good with me but I think they still don't get that I have bad days and need the rest and by myself it's tough to entertain them without at leat doing something. When they're older they'll understand more.

Unexpectant Mother said...

Everyone needs lazy days! Disabled or not, dad or not. Everyone.
You'll get a stern telling off if you don't give yourself a break!

Also, there's a huge difference between single dads and absent fathers.

Thismummylark said...

Even batman needs a day off (ive read that somewhere) your present and in their life thats what matters most. Rest up

Martyn Kitney said...

Haha I've tried to do it more but you know me I always take on more

And yes, a massive difference

Martyn Kitney said...

That is very true! We all need that time off.

Martyn Kitney said...

Haha I've tried to do it more but you know me I always take on more

And yes, a massive difference