Friday, 17 April 2015

Think PANTS!



 
Yesterday I posted about the fact that we, as a family, do not keep secrets; I was overwhelmed by the response to it via Facebook, Twitter and the Blog so thank you. (If you missed it please click here)
This led me to want to write and share about something else that the NSPCC is promoting; something that I do with both my Boys.

The Underwear rule

The main goal for this is to have simple conversations with children in the aid to keeping them safe from sexual abuse.

We, as parents, have many conversations regarding safety and well-being from Road Safety to Bullying but when it comes to protection against sexual abuse the statistic show that many parents have either not thought about it or find it a scary subject to approach.
The NSPCC guide is to help provide a simple but effective way to approach this topic:

“In fact, you don’t even have to mention ‘sexual abuse’. Simple conversations really can help keep your child safe, and that’s what we will help you with”
The campaigns main tag line is “Think PANTS

Each line of PANTS covers a different part of the Underwear Rule and provides a simple but valuable lesson that can keep a child safe.
P             Privates are Private!

Anything covered by underwear is private. No one should ask to see or touch parts of the body covered by underwear. If anyone tries, your child should say no. You can explain that there may be situations with Doctors, Nurses, Some Family members such as Mums and Dads where this is necessary; in these situations though you should explain that the adult should explain why they are asking you  to and your parents should be there with you.

A             Always remember that your body is yours and yours alone.
Try to make it clear that their body belongs to them! Simple activities where your child uses their hands or feet can be a good starter at explaining that they have control of their body: “Can you grab that for me please? You’re so good at fetching things with your hands”

N             No means No!

This can be a tough one because at times we install to a child that if an adult asks something from you that you generally do it. Yet, there should be times when you accept that your child will say no to certain situations. (Unless you go by the view “You do what I tell you” rule every time)
By acknowledging your child’s voice and opinion and their right to say no should reinforce the concept that no means no when they are uncomfortable doing something.

T              Talk
This is something that resonates throughout yesterday’s post; Secrets can be harmful and that we shouldn’t be promoting secret keeping. Any information should be viewed to be shared at some point. An example is a surprise: A child can keep something ‘secret’ for a period of time with the understanding that it will be revealed.

S              Speak Up

This is a continuation of talking. Explain to your child that there will always be an adult that they trust that they can and should always approach if they feel upset, uncomfortable or scared. It can be anyone and doesn’t necessarily have to be a parent or family; discuss family members who make them happy or even a teacher or a friend’s parent.

The NSPCC suggest that this is ideally suited in simple conversations to 5 – 11 year olds. However, since I have been teaching William this I have at the same time been promoting segments of it to James.
We have spoken about our different body parts belonging to ourselves and who controls them, as well as taking an active stance to listening to his voice and opinion in understanding that no means no.

I know that this isn’t a particularly nice topic to discuss or talk about but it is sadly a necessary thing to do whilst we are living in the harsh reality of the world.

Ultimately what the underwear rule and the NSPCC are doing here is encouraging children to talk about issues early, and listening to their thoughts and feelings. Through this parents can create the culture of openness that helps keep children safe from abuse; something that I am sure all of us want to do.

If you would like any further information then please click below for the relevant organisation:

NSPCC                                                       nspcc.org.uk                       0808 800 5000 

NSPCC Underwear rule guide               Underwear Rule

ChildLine                                                   childline.org.uk                 0800 1111
 
 


 
The Dad Network

36 comments:

  1. What a fantastic way of dealing with a difficult topic. Brilliant!

    #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thanks. It's a good guide that they offer.

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  2. I was listening on the radio to a study saying more people speak up if they have been taught about sexual abuse. It's a tough topic but needs to be said! Great post #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thanks for commenting Sarah! Definitely. I think that although it's a tough topic that the more it's taught and spoken about that the more people will speak up

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  3. I fully believe the more we talk about it the more people will speak up #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thanks for commenting mummy fever. I definitely agree. It's the main reason that I back this whole heartedly. It needs to be spoken about

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  4. Great post Martyn, something I will definitely be bookmarking for future reference. It's so sad that you have to have these kind of conversations with kids, but it's great that they're slightly more aware of what's right and wrong. It's definitely something that needs to be spoken about more! #bigfatlinky x www.raisingtherings.com

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    1. Thanks for commenting Jade! I agree it's terrible that these need to be done but it's great that these guides are in place to provide a better future for our children. I think ot definitely needs to be spoken about its the dark side of life that we tend to avoid.

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  5. This is as usual a brilliant campaign by the NSPCC and a brilliant guide for us parents to use. Thanks so much for sharing and hosting #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thanks for commenting Lisa. I agree they've hit this campaign so well and provided a great resource for parents.

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  6. This is a really simple and powerful way to have a conversation it would be so hard to imagine approaching! well done to the NSPCC and to you for heloing to publicise it #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thanks for commenting Hannah! I agree, the simplistic way to have a deep conversation with your children about a topic that will ultimately keep them safe without, for the time being, going deeper than necessary.

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  7. Great example of how to teach safety for kids in these situations, hopefully more people will use these and more kids will be safe. I have to say as the father of boys I have talked to them both about consent the other way as well as often we put all the pressure on young girls to stay safe but fail to teach the boys to be respectful (I know a slightly off topic subject but sort of linked).

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    1. Thanks for commenting Ashley! I'm pleased to see that you're taking that approach and it's completely on topic. Consent is consent. There's a great campaign going on for sexual abuse that states that because there isn't a yes doesn't mean that it's not a no. Consent should always be given. Posts like this though are a good starting point to teach that every bodies are their own and consent is necessary.

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  8. A very tough topic but a vitally important one. Thank you for sharing, it's a great and simple idea.

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    1. Thanks for commenting! it is a tough and uncomfortable topic but one that shouldn't be ignored. It's strength is in its simplistic approach. Care not scare.

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  9. Brilliant post. One I'd not even thought of with my kids. Thanks for sharing Martyn.

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    1. Thanks for commenting Alan. Glad that it's something you hadn't thought of but I hope that it makes you consider doing the pants rule in the future.

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  10. Fantastic post and a really important subject we should talk but more!! x

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    1. Thanks for commenting Kim. Definitely agree. It's a topic close to my heart that needs to be spoken about more. One that I hope I can assure as a key tool to my children.

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  11. terrible that we have to worry about this so much, but some great tips here for making it a little easier

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    1. Thanks for commenting Jeremy! I agree it is terrible and I didn't want to do a post showing the horrors of this but everyone knows the darker side. So to show something that helps promote security to children is always going to be good.

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  12. A great little tool for teaching children a very tough subject. Great post, thanks for sharing.

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    1. Thanks for commenting! its a tough subject that a lot of parents might be fearful of having. The NSPCC campaign highlights honest and simplicity to it that also helps protect children.

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  13. What a great little tool to remember. We tell M that she can only show Mummy & Daddy her knickers. Thanks for sharing those tips! :-) #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thanks for commenting Sophie! That's great and an awesome start. I think it's important to et this message to young children.

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  14. I've just had a talk with Helen (5) about some of these things. I hadn't heard this pneumonic but I feel reassured that I covered a lot of the stuff you mentioned. Thanks for bringing this up. #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thanks for commenting! that's awesome to hear Morna! It's great to know that you've covered it and that this has backed everything for you.

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  15. Fantastic post buddy about such an important topic that's not discussed openly enough. Well done :) #bigfatlinky

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    1. Thanks for commenting Al. It really is important but is completely necessary. It's a topic that's tough that people tend to avoid but for me a campaign like this should be backed to protect the wellbeing of the children.

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  16. Another brilliant post on a difficult topic - thank you! Really good. Though must confess the title had me laughing - good eye catcher!

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    1. Thanks! It's an important topic to cover. I didn't want to be clever with it either so stuck a lot to what the NSPCC say about it.
      It's a good eye catcher! Definitely think more people need to think pants lol

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  17. I too have talked about this with my son, following the NSPCC advert. I think it's a really important and difficult topic to cover. This is a brilliant post :)

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    1. Thanks for commenting Laura. It is a great campaign and definitely needs to be done more. Am pleased you've had the talk.

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  18. Yes, a very important read. Thank you!

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