Lets Talk about Sex Baby

“Daddy, where do babies come from?”

 

Yes my very bright 6 year old asked me recently this question, luckily I was prepared for it although there was obviously part of me that had that panic; every aspect of my mind imploded and screamed. Yet I thought I would take some time to discuss it:

(Oh how I am about to show my age)

“Let’s talk about sex for now to the people at home or in the crowd, it keeps coming up anyhow, Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic, Cuz that ain't gonna stop it” Salt and Pepper

I remember this song coming out when I was in my early teens and even then I was probably a bit young mentally to really understand it.

My Sex Education was poor; we didn’t get any real discussion at school about sex until I was 14 and even then, from what I remember, it really wasn’t that informative. I’m not sure if this was because I went to an all-boys secondary school and any word associated with sex made us all giggle or because actually the education was poor.

At home it was a taboo subject; we never had “the talk”. The closest thing to it was my Dad throwing a porn magazine at me when I was 13 and said:

“Look at this and if you have any questions ask your brother”

Role on 2010 and I remember there being a big debate in a staff meeting to decide as an independent school if we were going to take on board the Government suggestion of Sex Education in Primary schools.

At the time the guidelines suggested:

Age 5-7 - puberty, relationships and how to keep safe

Age 7 - 11 - puberty, relationships including marriage, divorce, separation, same sex and civil partnerships and managing emotions and dealing with negative pressures

Age 11 - 14 - Sexual activity, human reproduction, contraception, pregnancy, STDs including HIV/Aids and high risk behaviours, relationships, including those between old, young, girls, boys and same sex

Age 14 - 16 - Body image and health, choices relating to sexual activity and substance misuse, and the emotional well-being, reducing risk and minimising harm, parenting skills and family life, separation, divorce and bereavements, prejudice and bullying

I remember the meeting being quite heated; the Head teacher took a neutral stance to listen to all of our opinions and surprisingly, well from my point of view, all apart from myself were against the introduction of it with the belief that children under the age of 10 shouldn’t be educated in the scheme.

Now I can understand, to some extent, why this was their view. However, it wasn’t like we were suggested to start letting 5 year olds watch feature length porn films with me freeze framing aspects describing what’s happening. Of course not, we’re talking about age appropriate education, language and content. The problem is that many people, including teachers, see it as an uncomfortable subject to approach when realistically it doesn't need to be.

 

The idea is to have a basic understanding that gradually builds year on year with the end aim being that all children have a rounded and informative understanding. It will also inform and educate about the importance of respect of their bodies as well as others, human right and equality as well as all areas of safe sex.

Don’t we all want this for our children?

So how did I approach this with William?

I sat down with him and told him that babies were grown inside Mummies tummies and that both a Mummy and a Daddy have special eggs that join together which grow into a baby. We then went to library and borrowed “A special Cuddle” which outlines how parents have a close relationship so a baby can be born. I also reinforced topics about not keeping secrets, the RSPCC campaign Think PANTS.

I was obviously pleased to also see that this is a subject approached by other parents recently and the lovely International Elf Service recently did this post

The best part reading this was:

“The subject does naturally crop up again from time to time and as they get older you just adapt how and what you say.  The subject of hydraulics caused quite a few giggles. Try to answer their questions when they ask so it doesn’t become a big ‘thing’ in your head.”

Loved this because the fundamental thing of not making it a thing in our minds and to just be aware that it will happen.

For me the Salt and Pepper lyric above says it all:

“Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic, Cuz that ain't gonna stop it”

And it is for that reason that I am always O.K to have the sex talk with my boys.

Have you thought about it the ultimate question from your children?

How would you approach it? Would love to hear your views!