Brotherly Love

My brother is three years older than me. Unfortunately, I don’t have many good memories of him growing up. We're completely different people. He hated school. I loved it. He was physical. I wasn’t.

Maddy Time: Spiderman Brand New Day

Spoiler Warning: This post contains plot details from Spiderman: Brand New Day.

On Friday, Midge and I went to see Spiderman: Brand New Day, and it felt like the perfect way to spend our last bit of time together before she heads to her dad’s. We’re both Marvel fans, and when we do get some Maddy Time, watching movies is our thing. It’s how we connect. So, for me, this film mattered before we even sat down. I get time with my amazing daughter.

Midge Passed Her Driving Test

When your child reaches a milestone, you feel it in a way that sits somewhere between pride, relief, and joy. Last week my amazing daughter, Midge passed her driving test. I knew she would. She was ready long before the certificate arrived, yet hearing her say the words still felt like a moment worth holding.

A Positive School Meeting

Two weeks ago I wrote about an incident with a staff member at Arty’s school. A week later, after my complaint, I met with the Head teacher. It wasn’t the best day. Miss L, offered to move the meeting but I wanted it done.

My nerves weren’t just about Arty or what happened that morning. After eighteen months of fighting for James, I knew school meetings can turn against you fast. I’ve watched schools hide mistakes rather than fix them. I’ve seen the system break my child. Those experiences entered this room with me.

This meeting felt different. They had a staff member take notes because I cannot. That alone was a small victory after everything that happened with James’ school.

Parenting James: Learning Again, Living With Trauma, and What the Diagnosis Really Means

James has been with his new tutor for three weeks. We didn’t know how it would go. He spent the weekend before the first session begging me to cancel it. His anxiety was through the roof. He didn’t want to go back to anything that looked or sounded like school.

We didn’t cancel. We adjusted. We started at 10am instead of 9.30am so he had space to breathe. That shift made the difference. He met G. They talked. They found a rhythm and lesson interests. She explained that learning didn’t have to be at a table, actively involving worksheets, or be the rigid routine that broke him. They could go out, explore, and learn in the world. Whatever sparked his interest. Lessons, resources, and routines all built around him. 

Wrexham, Weddings, and a Family Weekend

It’s a bank holiday weekend. May bank holidays usually have us taking part in the Sweeps Festival, but this one is different. The six of us are driving to Wrexham to celebrate Hannah’s brother getting married on Monday. The rest of her family arrive on Sunday. We wanted to stretch the weekend into something more than a timetable and a wedding, so we left today.

Parenting James: The Long Awaited ASD and ADHD Diagnosis

 

James has always been bright, funny, creative, expressive, mischievous, troublesome and mouthy, but “different”. He never needed fixing. He just needed micromanaging. He was never purposefully naughty, despite often finding himself in trouble. For the school, it was always labelled as behavioural.

As an ex-teacher, qualified in child development and psychology, and someone who knows our son’s true character, I knew there was an underlying cause outside of behavioural issues. Nevertheless, a question mark always hovered above him.

That was until this month. 

Our Easter 2026

I’ve always preferred Easter to Christmas. Christmas has grown into something bigger, busier, and more frantic than it ever was when I was a child. Yes, I do realise how old I sound saying that. Easter still feels rooted. It remains focused on why we celebrate, and that grounding means even more to me as I move through the ordination process.

Parenting James: The Response I Never Wanted to Read

When I handed in our formal complaint, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. I knew the school would struggle and we wouldn’t get everything we wanted. However, I believed, perhaps naively, that with everything laid out clearly: dates, transcripts, emails, and staff admissions, the school would finally see the pattern James and we have been experiencing.

I didn’t expect a response that said lots while saying almost nothing at all.

Parenting James: The Update I Never Wanted to Write

 

In December, I wrote about how James isn’t a problem to solve, but a child to understand. By now, I should be writing about progress. Instead, it’s about what happens when a school ignores warning after warning until a child finally breaks.

Midge turns 18!

Some moments change you, without you even realising how significant they’ll become. This happened to me in the summer of 2017, when a small girl looked up at me during a visit to Kent and asked if she could call me “Dad.”

Parenting James: He isn't a Problem to solve

Parenting isn’t supposed to feel like walking a tightrope in the dark, especially as a wheelchair user, but that’s where I’ve found myself with James. He’s a teenager now. He’s bright, creative, fearless, funny, sensitive, and fiercely himself. He is also carrying more pain and struggles than most people realise. We’re navigating a storm of school trauma, mental health struggles, risky behaviour, and a young person trying to work out who he is in a world that keeps demanding things from him.

A Co-parenting Change

The boy's Mum and I have a positive co-parenting relationship. We fought for a few years, but we maintained a united co-parenting front and eventually acknowledged each other's efforts and pushed forward with mutual respect, something she wrote here in 2015.

A lot has changed. I met Hannah, and all four kids instantly had a bigger family. The boys Mum, Stepdad, Hannah, and I have a WhatsApp group where the stepparents, more organised than the biological parents, maintain necessary communication. Their household has entertained the step-siblings when we've had emergencies. Hannah and the boys Mum, have met for a coffee and chat; there's nothing ominous about your future wife and ex-wife socialising, right? Hannah and her parents socialised with the boys Mum when the step-siblings attended an event. The boys Mum also attends co-parenting meetings and socialised with old mutual friends in our house. I wouldn't say we have a friendship, but it's good. She said in her post, "There were two little ones. And they, whether we liked it or not, had tied our fates together forever. . . There was only "like it or lump it." So, maybe we've moved past the lump-it stage and are at the like-it stage.

Eulogy for Dad

Dad was born to Edgar and Julia Kitney on the 10th of June 1940 in Rainham. He was raised in 59 Station Road and for a short time alongside his cousin, Christine. At 12 his sister Ruth was born and you can see in old family photos his pride of being a big brother. His other cousin, Don said despite Keith being 11 years older than him and not seeing him much, he still has fond memories during the 60s when the family would gather together. Even then, Dad loved to be around family.

In 1954, at the age of 14, Dad joined the Royal Marines school of music at Deal where he played a variety of instruments from Violin, clarinet and trumpet. Whilst there he took on lots of different roles. Usually to benefit himself somehow. He enjoyed kitchen duty peeling potatoes or giving tours on a Sunday as it got him out of the mandatory church services. Being sporty he included himself in lots of different activities; one of which was Boxing.

Barbie and Ken

As mentioned previously, growing up I had multiple generational and social stereotypes being pushed upon me.  

Mum and I were similar so she nurtured the person I was over the person they, especially Dad, expected me to be. 

For a long time I would say they were part of the “uneducated generation” but I won’t excuse it. They BOTH negatively impacted my understanding of LGBTQ+ communities. 

Dad encompassed the bigoted world and, unlike Mum who varied, I never witnessed ANYTHING outside of that opinion. 

Anything other than heterosexual was "wrong".  

To Family and Good Health

 

What's the stereotype for a "Happy New Year"?

New Year, New me? A set of goals to reach? A new diet? Money saving? Better eating? Although I set the odd challenge I tend to stick with "Spend time with my family and good health for all".

We didn't start the New Year like this. Just as we didn't start last year the same way.

2021 didn't start off with "Family and good health" where my father ended up having a severe stroke at the age of 80. It was just another thing for him to fight but the year left him physically fighting a body that was paralysed down his right side and the other half failing him due to old age and dementia. The year just left him needing significant personal care.

So, I’m sure you can imagine, I was hoping for “Family and Good health” this year but 2022 had different plans and started off a bit rubbish before we even got to it. 

A Childs Worth

How do you justify a child’s worth?

This shouldn’t be a question but it’s one that is made every day by professionals up and down the country.

We’ve been trying to get Will an EHCP (Educational Health Care plan) for the last 6 months.

We’ve wanted to place him back into school and leave Home Ed behind.

Will has discussed the want to go into school which is a massive deal considering he was a school refuser for 5 years.

Sins of the Father

 

*Please note: Degoratory Homophobic Language used in this post* 

I’m currently sat on my bed, taking deep breaths to regulate my emotions; a difficult process for someone with traits of emotional instability.

Dad going into hospital has opened so many secrets that it’s difficult to know where to begin.

Growing up knowing I was adopted always made me feel special. I was chosen.

I had a happy childhood.

I think the more accurate statement would be “I had a happy 80s childhood”.

The End of Home Ed

 

For the last 6 years I feel like I’ve become a champion for home education. I feel I have shown that home ed is and can be the right decision for thousands of children up and down the country.

I hope somewhere that I’ve shown that it is more than a lifestyle choice like many assume and that it’s actually more a parenting choice; a choice that suits the child’s individuality.

When I first started Home Education I have to admit that I wasn’t keen on doing it. As a primary teacher I’ve seen home educated children enter my class and need some extensive support. I instantly, and wrongly, assumed it was poor education. The only thing that made me feel better about doing it was knowing my own ability as a teacher, the resources I knew how to get and use and that I would follow appropriate guidelines and curriculum.

Ignorantly I wouldn’t be “one of those parents".

Home Education opened my eyes to the idea of child led learning. The concepts of extra curricular learning that go beyond standard curriculum set up. It showed me that children can learn by living and learning an experience first hand rather than from a whiteboard and textbook. We spent time in environments like Fruit and Vegetable shops to discover healthy living, visited drinks manufacturers to see how everything is made and experienced first-hand animal care at vets; all experiences that wouldn’t have happened in classroom environments.

Home Education: Williams Progress

I’m really proud of Will and how well he is doing in his schooling. 

Looking back it hasn’t always been easy to educate him at home. 

6 years ago we took Will out of school and started our Home Ed journey.