One of the biggest difficulties with having a Dependant Personality Disorder is the alone time.
D.P.D plays on the fact that you are isolated and alone and
that ultimately this is where you will stay and that seeking any human contact
(Friendships or Relationships) seems utterly pointless because surely you are
worthless.
This aspect is something that I specifically struggle with.
When I have the boys I am focused and know exactly what to
do and who I am; I am their Dad and they need me to be their dependable person
and I focus fully on what I need to do for them. However, when it comes to the
evenings and days that I don’t have them I seriously struggle.
So I have the Boys for half of the week, of which they head
back to their Mums Wednesday evening. So what do I do with the rest of the
week?
Thursdays and Saturdays are usually spent teaching the Piano
and Guitar. Like the time with the boys I am usually ok. I may have small flare
ups but it is usually minimal; ultimately on these days I am in “Teacher Mode”.
This then leaves Friday.
I make sure there is at least one day of the week where I don’t
have the boys and I don’t work. This is great for my Muscular Dystrophy but I
find that I am at a loss of what to do with myself. Most of the day is spent
trying to focus on blogging, either writing or reading posts. Yet, I massively
struggle on these days.
Since my recent D.P.D flare up I have been trying to practice
a level of Mindfulness as well as Self-care (Something I hope to write about
soon) The main concept is that you do something that is just for you, something
that gives you positive regard and subsequently reinforces the feeling of
self-worth; rather than depending on activities that are destructive, like
drinking.
I have very few things that do this. I will usually read or
watch a film, try and find time to do one of my detailed drawings or even sit
and play the piano. These activities are great but they don’t seem to fully
stop the struggle that I have on Fridays.
Last week though I posed a question for you all: What would
you do?
The premise on this is that you have 24 hours free with no
responsibilities of worries and can do whatever you like just for you. The
results were quite interesting:
1. Sleep
This was the most answered suggestion. I think that as
parents we can all relate to the lack of sleep coupled with the busy lives we
live. Sleep is definitely required!
2. Food
This was the second most popular. This ranged from going out
for a nice meal and fine dining to pigging out in a café or getting a takeaway.
I think that, again, is something definitely needed!
3. Physical Activities
Interestingly these all varied but they all had the common
theme, exercise. People suggested going swimming, running or even just to the
gym. I suppose as a parent time to do this is extremely limited.
The next suggestions all varied. Some wanted to spend the
day reading, painting, watching films or box sets or even do some gardening.
The most common theme found though was the quiet and relaxing environment to do
these things.
Interestingly the top three suggestions are what most people
would be recommended for a healthy life and a healthy mind.
The other key factor seemed to be peace and quiet. I suppose
the logic here is that a peaceful environment means a peaceful mind.
I definitely try to do these things but then that just
leaves what to do with the rest of my 24 hours. Some activities seem tedious
and feel slightly superficial. (Doing something for the sake of it rather than
sitting and wallowing) I also know though that I am not the only one to feel
like this so I also know that it isn’t necessarily a D.P.D thing.
So although I will continue to delve into activities that
promote self-care I think I will also be looking at new activities or projects
to do; something that will give me focus and drive in the empty places.
So my question still stands the same:
Sorry Martyn, whichever way you dress it up, if it's my 24 hours I'm going to sleep ;) Great post though and I hope you find something amazing to do. I know it's a bit arse about face because you're looking to do something for you, but how about volunteering, like taking your music to an old people's home for the afternoon and getting involved with a sing song or something?
ReplyDeleteHaha sleep is definitely very well sought after!
DeleteI use to volunteer at an old people's home and play old classic songs. But they seem to want it on a Sunday when family visits and that doesn't fit with the boys. I also volunteered in a secondhand bookshop for my love of books but the shop eventually closed. Although did enjoy that. Some good suggestions though!
An uninterrupted night's sleep, a lie in, a morning in bed reading, and afternoon socializing somewhere which didn't allow kids, a movie at the cinema and then retiring early with my book. Sounds lush.
ReplyDelete#bigfatlinky
Your dream weekend sounds like my dream weekend! Enjoy the dream! bigfatlinky
DeleteI agree Mama & Mrs. Tubbs - I'd love the same 24hrs. I'd probably throw some blogging in the mix too ;) It can't be easy Martyn, but you are doing well to keep busy & positive. Thanks for hosting #bigfatlinky
DeleteA good question Martyn! I would aim to do a mix of things: spending time on the allotment, doing some woodwork in the workshop, playing some instruments, going for a run, doing some writing and blogging... but depending how motivated I am I might just spend the whole time eating junk food and watching Netflix! I'm at my best when my family are around, even if they're not involved in the activities I'm doing. When I'm completely alone I also struggle with filling my time well sometimes... Thought provoking post! #bigfatlinky
ReplyDeleteI can imagine it's tricky for you Martyn if you have a lot going on in your mind so we would see it differently. I'd sleep, watch catchup TV, gym, blog, scrapbook, cinema. House jobs. Think there would always be something :-) xx #bigfatlinky
ReplyDeleteI feel for you, I can't imagine even 24 hours without my little man bounding about the place, but I think I'd read alot and pamper myself but I guess you're not into manicures and fake tans?? #bigfatlinky
ReplyDelete24 hours without any responsibilities?? It would do my head in. Although I can tell you exactly what I'd do at this point in time...the paperwork for my impending tax return. Sexy, yeah? #BigFatLinky
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I, like you, find it hard to do little and I always like to keep busy. A whole 24 hours... Oooh. A lie in would feature heavily, the gym, blogging, slap up lunch somewhere, read a book, a massage/pampering, Walk in the countryside, watch TV. I'm always surprised at how quickly time goes on my days off so I probably wouldn't be able to cram half of that in. 24 hours really is a luxury when you are a parent! All the best xx #bigfatlinky
ReplyDelete24 whole hours!! Wow... The proposition is just too enormous to imagine!! I think I would sleep A LOT, bake eat the yummy cake all on my own, garden and get out with the dogs/ponies... Ooooo now I think of it, I like this idea! Now where to send the hubby and kids?!
ReplyDelete24 hours without any responsibilities .... oh my word, I would no doubt spend a few hours thinking that there must have been a mistake. I'd spend 4 or 5 hours exercising, i'd have a long bath, followed by a long shower, I'd paint my nails, i'd write, I might do a bit more exercise and i'd do all the things that are so much easier with two hands. Can you tell i'm dreaming? #bigfatlinky
ReplyDeleteOooo...this would need a lot of thought as i wouldn't want to waste any precious time. Probably have a lie in, go out for lunch by myself, catch up on some youtube, have a hot cup of tea..the possibilities are endless!! :-) #bigfatlinky
ReplyDeleteI think I'd catch up on movies that my wife doesn't want to see. Our alone time is pretty limited so I always rent stuff for the both of us to watch.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Martyn I have to be honest it's got to be sleep in between Xbox thanks for hosting
ReplyDeleteFor me, I'd take a road trip. I love driving and I love road trips and If I had a whole 24 hours without my boys and without anything else to do, I would take a road trip. Just me in my car with my music turned up, windows down and I'd pick a destination and think about what I'm going to do at that destination and what sights I will see. I live in Massachusetts and I've been to Salem but I loved it so much that I would go again. I would drive to Boston too. I would also drive to New York or Cape Cod. If I didn't do that though and i had a lot on my mind that I couldn't stop thinking about, Xbox helps me get my mind off of things. Hope this helps. thanks for sharing with #thebigfatlinkyoftheweek
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. I'm not sure. I think I would maybe run. Probably get coffee. Catch up on tv programmes I record but never watch. Maybe do some art. #bigfatlinky
ReplyDeleteI'd learn to pot!! I would fill the time as I have so many things I want to do BUT I do know that too much time at the wrong time can be very tricky. x
ReplyDeleteCatch up on sleep, uninterrupted, with a lie in. Then I'd catch up with all house work and spring clean the house from top to bottom - something I don't get chance to do in one day surrounded by kids! Boring, but something ive wanted to do for a while! #myfirstbigfatlinky!
ReplyDeleteI'll sleep when my kids become teenagers. For me 24 free hours = Night out with my wife and friends followed by a full day nursing the hangover. Great post. #Bigfatlinky
ReplyDeleteSuch an interesting insight! Thanks for sharing x #bigfatlinky
ReplyDeleteFor me, I'd just like the peace and quiet, time to myself, time to read and pop to a cafe without any kids in tow. The very thought of it is bliss. #bigfatlinky
ReplyDeleteWould be nice to get outside, get some fresh air and just people watch :) Thanks for hosting #bigfatlinky
ReplyDeleteDebbie
I'd probably sleep, read and bake (and make some kind of Man vs Food style sandwich)
ReplyDelete