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Tuesday 19 September 2017

No Quiche, just Cancer!


I know many have noticed my absence on Twitter as well as here on the blog. This has come down to a couple of things; 1. Focusing on Home Education and recreating a reliable routine. 2. Trying to utilise my time appropriately whilst dealing with personal issues.
Twitter is a great community with fantastic friends. This allows me an outlet to muck around, discuss my parenting highs and lows and have support in difficult life events. The problem isn’t that I don’t want to share my problem but with how to say it and it doesn’t really suit a standard 140 characters.

Just over a year ago I wrote a post called Cancer and Quiche.
I spoke about the varied and slightly inconsistent relationship that my dad and I have. I told you about his onset dementia and how he would go to the shops and forget what he needs and always end up buying the same five items: cheese, cream, bacon, eggs and quiche.

Although onset dementia isn’t a joke, I did always find the irony of me being able to make a quiche with what he buys amusing.
He, of course, did buy other items so we weren’t overly concerned but equally kept an eye on him. He had a tendency to ignore the doctors’, eat unhealthy food, smoke 40 cigarettes a day and then have something unhealthy in the evening.

I also spoke about the fact that he went to the hospital and after sat us down to have a chat, whilst tucking into his quiche, and told us he has cancer; specifically prostate cancer.
He soldiered on and told everyone that it didn’t matter when he was determined to live to 100! Although the following months were hard he did exactly what he said and carried on and I subsequently panicked less the more I read about the positive outcome with the treatment.

Months later we had the good news that he made a full recovery, all cancerous signs of prostate cancer had cleared and he was seemingly back to his quiche eating ways.
Then he found a lump on his neck, then a second lump on the other side and a third lump behind his ear.

Up to last week he had the biopsy of both neck lumps with the results that he had cancer in both sides of his throat, specifically in the tonsils, and was waiting for the result of the lump behind his ear.
What is the prognosis?

Well oropharynx cancer has two stages. The first, caught early and restricted to one place, can be treated with either Radiotherapy or Chemotherapy. The second stage, where it has spread to other places, is a bit more complicated and, to be honest, a little hazy.
It hasn’t yet been specified if the opposing throat lump is a secondary result and spread or a random act of “bad luck” and this is true of the yet undiagnosed ear lump; something they are still not ruling out.

What they have said is that it isn’t great news and resulting in a lot of difficult stages and months ahead.
They are currently playing a “Hail Mary pass”, with only a small and hopeful chance of success, of both Radiotherapy and Chemotherapy. This alone will mean that dad will lose weight, lose his hair and will make him lose his ability taste. There is the risk that he may be too underweight already to cope with the treatment so they may have to stop it if it drops to dangerous levels. This treatment will make him tired and he will be left with severe pain.

What they are saying though is that there may be the prospect of him needing to have a large part of his tongue cut off/out; potentially making him lose the ability to speak. Either way, what is clear is that he will not be able to take food orally again and, as of last week, he was fitted with a feeding tube. All this and not including what the future prognosis may be with his ear and hearing with the undiagnosed lump.
Dad is still hopeful and knows that they are practically throwing everything at him to make a difference. But, I don’t think he realises or at least acknowledges the fact that after this treatment that it won’t be a great existence where he is severely sick, won’t eat food again, won’t be the able to talk and be in intense pain and all to extend the longevity of “life”.

My brother, sister-in-law and I have tried to talk about it more with him as he really doesn’t take the severity of it in although we are also taking a different approach to it.
They are in the camp of “let’s do all we can, fight where possible and keep dad for as long as we can” whereas I am more “He won’t have much of what I would call life. I would rather him be his normal self for as long as he can”. I am unsure if this is due to my own health and understanding of pain or I am just not hopeful in what the prognosis will be.

What I am aware of is that any result will alter his life. Last time I was thankful that although he had cancer he at least had his quiche but it is difficult holding on to too much hope when all there will be is cancer.
I have, understandably, been spending more time with him and supporting him through each aspect. I have decided that I won’t be allowing the boys to be around once treatment starts as I don’t want them to have that image of Grandad. All of this does explain my disappearance and why I only seem to post about the boys or vanish. I suppose by writing this it will leave more room for conversation from now on.

Whatever happens, Cancer sucks!

21 comments:

  1. Cancer really does suck. I'm definitely with you on letting him have a better quality of life rather than going through chemo & radiotherapy. It's horrible to see someone go through it and become a shell of themselves for the sake of a few more months/years. As hard as it is/will be I can understand why you will keep the boys away during treatment too. I'm so sorry you are all going through this! Don't forget I'm always around for a chat or a cuppa if you need it. Sending hugs to you all! (Even if you don't want them!) xx

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  2. Jeez, Martyn, this is awful, I'm so very sorry and I totally get that you want the boys to remember Grandad as he is, it sounds like a truly horrid form of cancer, I actually don't know what to say and I know that when you are trying to process things you can be more of a hermit but I think it's important to try and just talk when you feel you can so you aren't so alone as it's such a tough thing for you to go through, I'm always thinking of you all and you know where I am if you need to shout/rant etc. Sending much love to you all.

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  3. So sorry to hear about this, Martyn. Cancer is so cruel. I definitely agree with you on quality of life. I hope your dad is able to be himself for as long as possible.

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  4. So sorry to read this, Martyn. Cancer is awful and it is difficult knowing which choices to make for the best. Thinking of you all x

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  5. I came via The Blended Parent page, I am sorry to read this, and sorrier still for the journey ahead. I hope when it comes to my journey on my loved ones will take the quality of life perspective too, as heartbreaking as it is to see those we love slip away, I wouldn't want additional pain for any of mine.

    May peace, strength and wisdom be yours.

    Ria

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  6. Oh Martyn that is really crap. I totally get where youre coming from in your views about the possible treatments. The side effects of chemo can be quite awful, far more than just the tiredness and sickness that is spoke about on telly.
    I just hope that whatever route they take the outcomes for him are positive. You know where I'm at if you ever need an I hate cancer whinge (you know where I'm at on that one).
    Mrs A x

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear about this! If there is anything we can do to help. Just ask and we'll see what we can do! ��

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  8. So sorry to hear this Martyn.

    If you need to sound off or just piss around with Gif's, my twitter is always open.

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  9. Cancer really does suck!
    I am so sorry you, your dad and family are going through this.
    Sending love and hugs x

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  10. Martyn I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and your Dad. Sending you all the love xxx

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  11. Bless you it's a cruel indiscriminate disease, I visit my grandpa every week and he's battled his cancer for years... agree about the boys not seeing your dad as things progress, difficult thing to write but the right decision I believe xxx

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  12. I was very sad to read this Martyn and you know I think you're dealing with it in the best way possible.

    I must say it's a particularly well proof-read post and well done for remembering the eggs this time.

    Nat.x

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  13. Oh Martyn this is so sad. When I was working as a theatre nurse this is one of the operations that we did. As you say it is very extensive and life changing but I have met patients afterwards that do live a good and fulfilled life. It depends on the surgery, the patient and the cancer. Whatever he decides I wish you well. Cancer sucks!

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  14. So sorry to hear this Martyn and I hope your Dad and indeed you and he boys get plenty of support through this. x

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  15. Sending love to you and your dad hun Cancer sucks big time as i lost both parents with the yucky stuff Dad when i was only young and so was he at 46 ( i was 20) and mum 4 years ago when she was 71 .. the good ( not the best word but no alternatives ) thing with your lovely dad is that they have found it and are treating it. With my mum she had bowel cancer and because of the symptoms did not tell anyone until it was too late to treat. it has made me more vocal in the Push for openness in talking about different prognoses... and people approaching their parents and siblings as certain cancers do not get diagnosed until too late because people are embarrassed to talk xx big hugs and well wishes to you all x

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  16. fuck man, wishing you the best to you and yours. tough times ahead I'm afraid my friend

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  17. Oh my word I am so sorry to hear this. I'm sending you all the love in the world. Cancer is a proper son of a ****! x

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  18. I’m sorry about your dad , cancer is so ugly I really hate what it does to the body , my brother has/had cancer of the lymph nodes in the neck and of the tongue and they removed 50% of his tongue and removed the lymph nodes in the neck , been a year and a half now he’s been cancer free ! But like you said he can’t eat or swallow anything ,uses a feeding tube for meals and drinks , but he still works and can talk pretty good at 55 ! I really feel bad for you and the family it’s really a lot to go through and I hope and pray it won’t be this bad ! I apologize if this has hurt anyone for it’s not my intention to at all ! Praying for the family !

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  19. Cancer does suck. I was so sorry to read your news. Sending love and hugs x

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  20. Argh. I'm so sorry to read this update. Lots of love xxx

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