Last year, a friend sponsored a theological taster course
for me. Initially, I hesitated. I felt called to do more in my faith 11 years
ago, but as my marriage ended in divorce, Mum died, I became unemployed,
bankrupt, had a breakdown, and fought alcoholism, all in the space of 18 months. Subsequently, I wondered if I imagined my calling.
Over the years, I became an armchair theologian as relatives
and friends bought me theology books for Christmas and birthdays. I preached on
Facebook and Instagram for my church, led bible study groups, and wrote studies
on biblical books, themes, and events. Love of theology persisted but was now
the time?
Children posed the biggest challenge. A12 and J12 started secondary school, and W14 began school after eight years of home schooling. This could give time to explore something for me, but would the kids need me through this transition period? Should I wait? I decided I couldn’t. Hard to explain, but I felt if I didn’t do it now, I wouldn’t later.
The course started well, but I quickly realised I wasn’t an
18-21-year-old university student who could drink, stay up late, have a social
life, and easily pursue dual degrees. Being disabled and a parent of four
teenagers made studying difficult. My age, health, and life were now forcibly
considered. Mentality versus physicality hit. Where some peers struggled to
realise that history, language, people, and culture shaped Christianity and
that the bible wasn’t God’s precise spoken word or historically accurate, my
mind thrived on validation of my Christian realism and existing knowledge. However,
while I was empowered mentally, I struggled physically.
I’m bedbound 3 or 4 days a week. Either my body says “Not
today” or it’s physically recovering. This made studying, attending class,
taking notes, and assignment writing difficult. I was mentally capable but had
to prioritise my physical health. Each student had 7 weeks for assignment
writing but being sporadically bedbound for 18 days left me with little time.
The college was fantastic and granted extensions but the more I had, the more
it affected the next deadline, creating distance between learning and writing. With
patience, Hannah’s encouragement, a few meltdowns, and a lot of self-doubt, I
succeeded. The writing tutor even requested to use my assignments as a model
for others, because results were rarely that high.
The first module, Introduction to Bible Studies,
investigated biblical literature, source, influence, and style. This module’s
two assignments focused on Psalms or Matthew’s Gospel. I started with the
Psalms, which required demonstrating their original purpose, use, function, and
relevance today. The next assignment, from the opposing theme, critically
analysed and detailed a piece of text. Amazingly, I received 72% in both
assignments.
Module 2, Introduction to Church History, was fantastic!
James, my tutor, made history fun and interesting. The first assignment was to
write a leaflet outlining a location’s Christian significance. I chose Whitby
but found it irrelevant after careful investigation. James allowed an opposing
approach after meeting and hearing my conflicting thoughts, but in the next
lecture, he anonymously exemplified me by warning the class that students who
disagreed with him on assignments would fail due to naive and idiotic
attitudes. Naturally, I did it anyway. I scored 60%, my lowest. Reading James’
feedback was the win. He appreciated my approach and agreed Whitby wasn’t a big
deal, but he thought my reasoning jumps were wrong. I was thrilled since I
passed and he reversed his prior remarks. The second essay was based on themed
topics. After my previous assignment, James suggested I try “The Filioque,” an
Eastern and Western Creedal debate, which was an unpopular essay choice among
students. I get why—this nearly broke me. Reading and comprehending it was
difficult. It got so bad I wrote to the College registrar ready to quit the
course! Despite the tears, upset, frustration, and difficulty, I got 77%!!
Module 3, Spirituality and Discipleship and Module 4,
Foundation for Reflective Practise were the final modules, but required one
assignment each. They both sought personal reflection but connecting them to
Christianity or academic theology differed. My only experience of personal reflective
writing was this blog, so I thought both would be academically difficult. I was
pleasantly surprised. The first assignment, chosen from many themes, was based
on a 12-step programme. I specifically joined one for personality disorders. As
an alcoholic with AA experience who also struggles with mental health, the
programme alongside the course mentally, physically and spiritually improved my
outlook to who I am and the programme’s function. I scored 68% but could have
scored higher. In the editing stage, I chose between demonstrating the programme
structure and how that interlinks to specific areas over the 12 weeks or including
minute details to highlight personal moments. I chose the latter which, based
on my tutor's comments, potentially was incorrect as he found I condensed too
much into a small word count.
The last assignment was to use a scholarly reflective model
to analyse an issue within your church role. My pre-existing social media
ministry and a recent incident was chosen. This process provided a versatile
model that applied processes and actions to a situation reflectively, allowing
a more focused and positive changing outcome. I scored 65% but let myself down.
It was rushed. I had one month to compose it and struggled to balance health,
time, and the assignment due to continuous extensions. Subsequently, I made
errors throughout. After the Filioque assignment, I didn’t want complex
theology that took time to assimilate, so I chose the simplest reflective
model, which, with the errors, lowered my score.
65%, like 60%, is great considering my lowest scores are many people’s highest but compared to my true ability, I was annoyed. The year, however, was great! It proved I could excel in theology despite self-doubt and disability. I opted to do the second year after much consideration, prayer, and pestering of Hannah. I’ve completed six weeks of the first module and have six weeks until my assignment is due. Self-doubt has crept in, but after writing and reading the above, I know this year will be amazing!
2 comments:
So proud of you xxx
Thank you xxxx
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