A Tribute to Mum

Tomorrow will be the year anniversary since we lost my Mum. It is a hard time for us all who loved mum, but it's been playing on my mind that I wished there was a way that I could honour mum. I was lucky that a day before she passed that I spent time with Mum where she shared some beautiful comments with me, but I decided that I'll keep those memories to myself. Then it occurred to me to write, I write as an outlet, this would allow me to put down in words a way to remember her. The more I thought about it the more it made sense, especially as there are family around the world that didn't get the chance to say good bye to mum the way we could. But what to write?

I had the privilege to write and speak mums eulogy, then and now, i still believe this was the thing that said what myself and some of my family felt. So i thought why not write it up again and post it?

You can't start talking about Mum without talking about Dad. When Mum met Dad she was actually dating someone else. They had all gone on a bus to a cricket match. Dad was sitting at the back of the bus with his friends, when he flicked a cherry pip forward, luckily for him it went straight down Mums top. Dad calmly walked up asked the captain of the team, Mums date, to move as he wanted his pip back. Stating confidently and clearly "shes mine now".

Mum and Dad went to the pictures on their first date, Dad said he was very well behaved, even if they did walk the long way hone. In 1963, at the age of 19 Mum married Dad, and as Dad said the rest was history, that history spanned a 50 year marriage.

Mum was always a fighter, looking back at photos and seeing Mums smaller frame, you wouldn't have thought she had it in her, but Dad quickly found this out when they were playing around, Dad goading her to punch him, that with a quick uppercut dad was out cold on the floor. This fight seemed apparent through the rest of her life but now she hated anyone upsetting her Keith. They lived together in the house that mum designed and built, having everything the way she wanted.

After 16 years of waiting Mum and Dad finally managed to adopt, adopting Nathan made Mum so happy, she finally had their baby that they were longing for, weighing very little, that he fitted in her forearm. You wouldn't have thought that he would have become the man he is today, that Mum was always so proud of, which she showed by never leaving his side after his accident. A few years later, adopting myself, a difficult task in lots of ways, they managed to gain the rights to foster a day before Mums birthday. Mum always told me that Dad placed a ribbon on my cot to welcome me for her birthday and it was one of her best presents.

Mum adopted and fostered more than us two, so many people along the way. Later in life she treated her niece Victoria as a daughter, Graham as a son and Jake as a grandson. She treated Donna more like a daughter than a daughter in law. All of our friends had stayed at some point, she liked taking people under her wings, constantly giving herself, whole heartily, without upset or repayment in anyway. Even taking on YTS football boys from Gillingham, giving her years of laughter and fun.

Mum loved her grandchildren. William she adored and gave her such joy and laughter. I remember the first time she held him, i saw tears of joy running down her face. Then James, who she would love giving cuddles to. She, always being one for fairness, even explained to William upon James arrival which of her arms belonged to him for cuddling. And then having to explain to Will later that he had to share once she broke her arm. She was always grateful for the time she had with the boys and loved them dearly.

Dad said work was her way. Mum loved working and until recently I never knew one of her first jobs was in a pickle factory. I am sure that like all her jobs she became committed and threw herself into it. Her working in a pickle factory I found ironic as solving peoples problems was Mums forte. She worked 19 years behind the bar at Rainham Mark, where she knew and touched many lives. Taking all new staff under her wing, never afraid to tell them that she thought they were doing something wrong. She loved being in the hustle and bustle of it all, particularly when the darts competition and functions were on. In the evening after watching games on the telly she would ring me and give me exact orders or drinks that the players had. Mum went back and forth from the MOD, which she loved, totalling a service of 20 years over a 30 year period. This supported her military style of working. Being a loyal worker she was overwhelmed when asked to stay beyond her retirement age. Finally, even after meeting the Queen as part of her service, her greatest achievement was to be given the highest honour from the brigadier in chief for a commendation of conduct, where for a shock for us, as in the time she had never taken a single day off from work sick, using all of her holidays for emergencies. That honour was the only one given to a civilian.

As her colleagues and customers will know Mum had a unique sense of humour, if i am honest although I laughed, I never truly understood her humour. She always like a comedy present for people. She once made a velvet thong from a Christmas hat for a customer in the club. Bought inappropriate straws for a "sit down formal" hen do. She even asked us to buy Dad a bucket of Viagra for him for Christmas. At Christmas she always had an excited, eager, look on her face to see our reactions. She bought a mulled wine smelling washing up liquid to remind me to wash up all year round. To Grahams surprise he unwrapped a parsnip only because a few days earlier he mentioned he liked them. If they were presents you wanted or needed it didn't matter she thought about us all and put her stamp on it. As I said I never got this humour but Nathan did. Every Saturday after she had got back from the salon, Nathan would walk in and ask "i thought you were getting you hair done" with Mum always smiling at him.

In years later I found that even though she was still my Mum, and unashamedly i still took my washing for her to clean, She even organised my stag do, with her first question being "How many strippers am i having", that she was my friend. She was a friend to us all. Everyone was touched by Mums life, loved more than words can tell, someone who brought happiness with a special touch. I struggle thinking of never speaking to her again, but i know she wouldn't want me and any of us feeling sad right now. She fought for injustice, became a fighter for all, loyal to the ones she loved. She welcomed everyone because she loved us all. She was a hard worker, always devoted and yet still had time to make us laugh. Mum was more than a wife, mum, sister, nanny or aunt, because she was always our friend; who will be missed forever.