Fighting a Character Assassination

When someone paints a picture of you and your character it can be quite difficult to prove that you're nothing like that.

If, in some cases, you have an accusation put out against you, again, it can be difficult to disprove.

Most normal people would just say to ignore it, let it go, not let it to you or tell you that the truth will come out in the end.

This can be true.

However, in some cases, especially when people have mental health problems, ignoring and not allowing such things to get to you is incredibly difficult.

There are also different degrees of accusations and character smearing.

Telling someone that they're sexist because their partner does stereotypical gender roles is one thing. But, what if it was something more serious?

What if you're accused of Child abuse? What if you're labelled an abuser? What if you're painted as manipulative, abusive and controlling?

They're really difficult to shrug off and even more difficult to disprove.

That's happened to me this year.

I have been accused of child abuse. Both physically and emotionally.

The whole action, accusations and investigations shook me to my core and made me really take a long and hard look at myself to see if any of it is even remotely true.

I was born into an abusive family. I started life going between foster families because of situations that happened to me. I have mental health conditions that are deeply linked to what happened to me and often those historical events impact my mental health day to day.

When you know you had cigarettes put out on you, that you had your head smashed in as a baby for crying too much, that you were left and abandoned for days, that weapons were used on you when you were less that 4 months old and you suffered different types of abuse that no child, let alone no baby should go through that you know you have a really strong HATE against any abuse towards children.

Those things happened to me. Those things impact my mental health and the areas of my psychosis.

When I opened my adoption file and read these things it sickened me to my core. When I first held William in my arms, looking down at his small vulnerable body and into his big innocent eyes, I was shaken at how anyone, any human being, could ever do that to a child; when all I wanted in that moment was to protect him in every way from the horrible that the world offers.

Abuse, in whatever form it comes in, is vile and disgusting.

You can imagine, therefore, why being accused of it would shake me. It twisted my entire mind-set, made me question everything that has happened in the last 2.5 years and really made me doubt the person that I am.

I have to admit that the moment I was accused I burst into tears and truly felt broken and at my lowest.

I have never laid a finger on my children or my step children. I believe in opportunities, fairness, equality and compassion. I do not believe that size, power, fear or might should ever be used to get a child to do anything.

So what options does someone have left when these accusations are put upon them?

Well not a lot.

I know and knew the truth. I have NEVER once done anything that would put my child at harm or to have them think they're not safe in our household.

So, let the investigation happen.

If I am right. If we aren't doing anything wrong then the outcome of a Section 47 would come back negative.

The day came and that was the result. No signs of abuse on any of the children. Of course there wasn't but I can tell you that it was a relief to hear social services saying as much.

Along this process I have been repeatedly labelled against my true character.

I've been told that I "feel and believe" things because of "the looks on my face"; despite me having muscle weakness in my face that changes the emotions that are read by others).

I have been told that I have been abusing Will because he is Home Educated; despite the fact that no educational expert has been able to prove that he isn't getting the education he deserves. (In fact, the Paediatrician said the best thing we ever did for Will was to home educate because he got the tailored 1:1 education that he needs because of his additional needs.)

I have been told that I am controlling and emotionally abusive towards my partner; despite the fact that I have a Dependant Personality disorder which presents the person with the condition as the submissive person in the relationship. Or, the fact that my partner says that the only reason I talk more is because she struggles due to her social anxiety.

I have been told that I am abusive because of what I have gone through as a small child/baby; despite my utter disgust towards any abuse.

My mental health, physical health and my state of being an (Ex) alcoholic are reasons to paint my character in such a way; despite my mental health meaning I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise the relationships (my partner and children) or that I'm always in the submissive role, despite the fact that my disability is so bad that I can barely stand, lift half a cup of water or have strength to hold anything in place to be physically abusive and despite the fact that although I am an alcoholic I DO NOT DRINK and haven't in years.

The truth always comes out. Something that I always hold on to. That said, it is a horrible situation to be in when your are constantly being typecast as a character that you're nothing like. Especially based on a lot of misdirected prejudice.

This last year has been truly horrible. Accusations, attacks, lies and implications that you have to fight, not give up and carry on through because if you don't you are letting there be doubt cast that even a small amount of it is true.

I know we are doing everything right. I know that both Hannah and I do everything in our power to help, nurture, support and love our children. We are fighting accusations on many sides but each time we are winning, changing opinions and proving that we’re vindicated and that will never stop.