It has been difficult in the past to formulate a good relationship with her, as we both have had issues, but that is often expected when a couple splits and there are children involved. Coming now from the present point of view and the way we, mutually, bring up and raise the children is important and even more so that we have good communication to do so.
Between Homes Schooling, Free learning, having, in the past, followed baby led weaning and being a supporter of our youngest being breast fed into his toddler age was agreed and supported by both parties ( even if at times it took some discussion) made me realise how much I have changed from the point 6 years ago when we knew we were expecting our eldest.
I jokingly said to her that I feel like a 'hippy' some days with the way my attitude and present parenting is placed. She, kindly, replied that I am not a hippy and that I shouldn't refer to myself as one but I should acknowledge myself as a Scrunchy.
Scrunchy? "What on earth is this modern day hippy on about?" was my first thoughts, until she explained what one was.
Googling this term I found a lot of information on finding out if I was a "Silky or Crunchy Mom". Sadly I am not a Mom but being a very active part of my children's lives I thought I would take the test anyway and declare myself as a Silky or Crunchy Dad.
I found this table that might help:
| Crunchy | Silky |
| - gives birth at home | - gives birth at hospital |
| - plans for a natural birth (no meds) | - is pro-medication (epidural, labor-inducing drugs, etc.) |
| - prefers midwives | - prefers doctors |
| - eats placenta | - is grossed out by the idea of eating placenta |
| - breastfeeds (often for prolonged periods of time) | - formula-feeds |
| - is against circumcision | - is pro-circumcision |
| - does not vaccinate | - vaccinates |
| - co-sleeps (and later, family bedding) | - crib-sleeps |
| - uses cloth diapers & wipes | - uses disposable diapers & wipes |
| - believes that children can’t be over-nurtured or over-coddled | - uses the CIO (cry it out) method, is pro-spanking |
| - homeschools (or sends children to selective private schools) | - sends children to public schools |
| - additional lifestyle choices include recycling and eating/using organic food and products |
Some sites will also include Baby led weaning under the term of Crunchy.
So I went down the list and ticked off what I support and the wish that I had on raising up my children.
I found out, much to my distaste, that the Boys Mum was right, I am a Scrunchy and am verging on being a Crunchy. I think It best that I don't comment on all the things that I agree with on the Crunchy side and just highlight a few things that I didn't tick.
Eating the placenta; I am definitely grossed out by that and really don't understand it. Sorry if this offends people but I honestly don't get it.
Vaccinations; I am a supporter of medicines and vaccinations for children. As an adult I am less so, and would always go down a homeopathic route if it is possible.
And Finally, Cloth diapers and Wipes. For me that is difficult, I think it is great to those who do it and I have nothing but respect that you do. I, personally as a dad, found disposable diapers far easier for me.
So have you heard of these more modern terms of Parenting?
I am sure as well that there are probably more things that class you as one or another. But just on these facts alone I believe I am a Scrunchy. (Albeit I still think of the hairband first)
I do think that we all probably fall some where in the middle but I think it's where we fall on the majority of the topics.
So instead of asking what kind of Mum you are, as I do believe that there seems to be a quiet, yet prominent, group of Stay-at-home Dads. So I will ask you this;
What kind or Parent are you?
Are you a Silky or Crunchy?
49 comments:
I had never heard these terms but yes I am a scrunchy too - close on a 50/50 split between the two catagories! I would love to home school but I think I wouldn't be strict enough haha
Thanks for commenting. There's been, apparently what I've found, a lot of talk around silky and crunchy this year.
Home schooling is great! You can do it however you want. I think I'm too strict and I only structure 2 mornings a week. The rest is groups and clubs and investigating and documenting....almost like a field trip everyday :-)
I guess I'm a scrunchy too, but I don't think that it's as clearly defined as that is it? Like you, I cross over between the two lists, I'd have loved a home birth but had my baby in a hospital, I breastfed for 4 months but then had to stop, I use cloth nappies and wipes but disposables at night, I absolutely do believe in vaccination for children but I don't like to give him medicine unnecessarily and he's in a crib but occasionally we co-sleep!
I think most people are Scrunchy. I suppose it depends more on which way you lean. I'm far more crunchy than silky. But have friends who look at me like I'm mad and they nearly completely Silky. But then I've also met parents on the home schooling circuit who are fully crunchy. Not that it actually, well from my point if view, makes any real difference. It just seems to be a more prevalent discussion point this year.
I'd never heard of either of these terms either so I'm more behind than you! I'm a bit of both I think!
Al- thedadnetwork
I hadn't either but apparently they're the hot topic words in parenting at the moment. I think everyone is a bit of both....just depends I think on which side you are more likely to fall on....I definitely fall more on the crunchy side than Silky though.
I'm somewhere in the middle with a lean towards silky. I have never heard these terms either until I read this. Interesting post Martyn. It really got me thinking.
I'm somewhere in the middle with a lean towards silky. I have never heard these terms either until I read this. Interesting post Martyn. It really got me thinking.
Having seen the list, there are only two items on the Crunchy side we don't / didn't adhere to so clearly I am a crunchy. In fact I'd admit it.
As for being a vaccination dodger, that doesn't make you silky. That makes you crazy.
I could go on, but I'd probably begin to sound like a member of the tea party movement instead of the grounded individual I am! #BigFatLinky
Definitely falling more on the silky side. Yes to CIO and Crib Sleeping. HELL YES to medicated birth and vaccination but we don't smack our kid, he had breast milk and he is doing BLW. As to placenta eating, well I swallowed back a little vomit just typing that so I guess there's your answer.
#bigfatlinky
This post did make me laugh!! How brilliant - I've never heard these terms before either! I'm a scrunchy - a definite mix of the two!
I've never heard of these terms before but aside from the vaccinations, schooling and placenta thing I'm scrunchy! I would love to home homeschooled but unfortunately finances mean i have to work. I admire anyone who manages it though. #bigfatlinky
I fall into the Scrunchy category too! I would love to home school my daughter but I'm afraid of her not interacting enough with other children :(
It does make me giggle a little, however, that as a human race, we are obsessed with categorising everything!
I think I'm a bit in the middle but leaning towards silky. I had a natural birth in a midwife led unit so no drugs. I breastfed.
But I'm completely against co-sleeping (not an earth mum at all) and think prolonged breastfeeding (past 12-18months) is a little odd (that's just me though!)
I believe in vaccinations and have never used a cloth nappy!
Never heard of these terms though before!! xxx #bigfatlinky
I think there's sides to each that are good and bad! Why people don't vaccinate just baffles me! I'd worry about the social side of home schooling plus for most people these days it's just not possible! And I would have loved a drug free, midwife led birth but the little man was breech!! I often think these things are put together to make us feel bad, or to make us feel in a higher level to other parents but what it all comes down to is that we do the best we can for our children! I'm definitely a scrunchy - I think that's the best place to be :) #bigfatlinky
Thanks for commenting Casey. I think most people are in the middle and it really depends on which side you lean more too.
There really is a name for everything thesedays! :)
Well I won't officially know what I am for another 4 weeks, but I'm hoping it'll be a 'Scrunchy'. I've got my stash of cloth nappies ready (I've even made some, I'd say that's pretty crunchy...or just tight!). We're fairly green as a family and I have every intention of breastfeeding, but we'll have to see. Home birth and eating placenta's a 'no' from me though ;)
As long as parents feel happy about how they're raising their kids and the kids are happy too, well, labels don't matter, just a bit of fun ;)
Ha thank John! I think that's it sometimes being put in a category makes you suddenly realise that you might be becoming a less than grounded individual
Thanks for commenting. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is slightly repulsed by the placenta eating.
I am smack bang in the middle as well, I totally thought before I had the toddler I'd be anywhere close to Crunchy. I breastfed until 1, I had no issue with co-sleeping (but prefer him in his own bed!) I vaccinate but we don't medicate that often, I did cloth nappy. And I thought I would CIO, but couldn't do it!! #bigfatlinky
I have never heard of these terms. By the looks of it, i think i have more silky that crunchy..but I am open minded so would do the crunchy things if thats they way it went!! :-) #bigfatlinky
I am scrunchy too, never heard of these terms. Really interesting to read =)
Thanks glad you found it funny! I think a lot of people are a mix :)
Thanks for commenting. I think most people are scrunchy. Home School is such a difficult choice. I know a lot of people would love to be able to do it but know that it's something that a lot of people just wouldn't be able to do. We're very lucky in our circumstances that we can.
Definitely. There's always a category for something! Socialising in home school is quite easy. A lot of people wonder about that aspect. Think I might do a post on it as it's a very common question and worry.
Thanks for commenting Sarah! It really is interesting to see everyone's views and how they differ. What is interesting is where people feel like they fall on the majority. Although there does seem to be a larger scrunchy crowd.
Social aspect to home school is often a massive worry for parents. I agree though that it really isn't plausible for so many parents. We're very lucky in our circumstances that we can.
I couldn't agree more! There are so many different labels and categories that as long as we do our best then that's all that matters.
I did enjoy the fun checklist though lol not that it changes my parenting.
There definitely is a name for everything lol always some category. It definitely is a bit of fun to go through the check list. I think ultimately it doesn't matter as long as we try our best. What I found interesting and what you might is how our view of what we'll be like to how we are does change. Hence the beginning of the post. If you told me 6 years ago that I'd be a Crunchy parent I would have laughed at you. Lol. Life, circumstances change :)
It's interesting to see how we thought of one way but we end up changing. I think most people are in the middle. Thanks for commenting.
By the looks of it no one had heard of it....we'll apart from my crunchy ex wife lol. But there's always got to be one ;)
Parenting styles change so much from what we start at to how we finish. As I mentioned at the beginning; I would have said I was silky....oh how wrong I am now lol. Thanks for commenting.
By the looks of it no one has! Lol. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Not heard of these before but scrunchy sounds about right - I don't fit either extreme #bitfatlinky
Thanks for commenting. It pretty much looks like no one had heard of these terms before lol parenting styles vary so much that I think most people are in the middle with it.
Silky and Crunchy. Martyn did you invent these terms? You seem to be the only one who's heard of these? :)
We are a combo of both I guess, while leaning toward silky. I'm going to call myself Crunky though, hope that's ok with everyone.
Thanks for enlightening me on a term I had no idea about! #BigFatLinky
Haha by the looks of it Mike I think I might have made these up! Lol if you're happy being a crunky then that's cool with me.
Had never heard those terms either. I'm a pretty even split between the two. I try to avoid getting into labels. Interesting read though.
I would say that I'm a bit of both!
I would love to home school, but I don't think I'd be disciplined enough!
Laura- Dot Makes 4
I don't like labels either. I was more curious in the terms and thought it was a bit of fun. Parenting varies so much I don't think these categories really come that close.
Thanks for commenting Laura! I think most people are split. Home School is an interesting one. Definitely lots of different teaching types in it.
These were new terms for me. Like many, we're in between. All 3 of our kids were planned home births (2 actual) and Heather breast-fed for as long as she could (9 months first time round, only about 12 weeks with our third), but we ended up being disposable nappy users and are definitely pro-vaccination.
I've never even heard of this before! Turns out I'm a scrunchy mummy too, very much half and half! Seems like lots of others are too! #bigfatlinky
I've heard of crunchy but never silky lol. I class myself as a random mix, had lo in hospital but med free, used both disposable and cloth nappies, bf then bottle fed, pro vaccine but not as keen like you for adults especially not well tested ones :/ , considering hm school but hubbys dead against so probably schooled. Great post :)
Wow I had never heard of these terms before! I think we are more silky than crunchy but we definitely aren't pro-spanking.
I wanted a natural birth with no drugs with my first - ended up with an emergency c-section and had all sorts of drugs pumped into me. It was everything I didn't want or planned!
I was much more relaxed with the second and just had a "see what happens" attitude and managed to have a natural birth with only some gas and air.
#bigfatlinky
I think there are so many choices to parenting that most people fall into the middle some how. Thanks for commenting
I'm shocked that my ex wife seems to be the only one who knew was kinda hoping others would know l think most fall in the middle.
Lol you had to be difficult Vicky knowing one and not the other lol
Thanks. Boo! For hubby being dead against it. Think I need to have a word ;)
Thanks for commenting
Cool. We have more people in the middle or on the side of Crunchy so it's great to have someone more on the silky side! Parenting is so varied that I think most people are in the middle ish.
We are "extremely" crunchy. :)
As for circumcision this is a human rights violation, it's cosmetic surgery placed on an infant or child and is completely unnecessary, not to mention that there is no pain relief for the routine procedure and I believe that if you think this is OK and "just fine" then you need to read up on what it really is, what it entails and how damaging this is to the human body.
Spanking is illegal where I am from and also physical abuse is never OK, if you can't legally do it on the street why the hell should you be able to do it in your own home? If it's not ok to hit your spouse why is it ok to hit your children? The list goes on, sorry it's hot topic!
CIO is also scientifically proven to be very damaging.
I think that if people who support these practices took the time to actually read into it they would discover a new world of realization. Science can be very interesting and basic human anatomy is also very interesting to read about (in regards to circumcision)
As I'm from Norway and living in England, neither of these really are something I would meet on a day to day basis as it's either illegal or very much frowned upon these things I have mentioned and circumcision is basically held to Jewish and Muslim culture, but it's still not OK no matter what culture you are in.
Safe to say... it's a topic I feel extremely strong about and the fact that I find it on a list of "silky" makes my skin crawl. Because it shouldn't even be there, it shouldn't even be on a list. We're in the 21st century, it's time people stopped thinking with a 19th century mind.
I have never heard these terms before but would say that I must be a scrunchy. I had natural unmediated births in hospital, breast fed for over a year with each, I tried cloth nappies but couldn't get on with them, I wore my babies, did baby led weaning (with the odd puree), co-slept when they wouldn't sleep in their cots, I home educate and my children are all vaccinated. My mum affectionately calls me a hippy but I don't mind.
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