My 2014

Before I start recapping my year; does anyone else think that this year has gone really quickly?

So this year has really been all over the place so think I will cover as much as I can!

The Boys

My access with the boys has continued to be equally split with 50/50 access. This has actually been the first whole year that I haven't in some way been up and down knowing if I will be seeing them or not. I have loved every second of it. They have continued to grow and become their beautiful individual selves and I love them so much for that, even of I sometimes moan about it. I have seen myself this year fully engage in being a stay at home dad, which had its worries at the start but now in reality I know that I wouldn't have it any other way. Having such an active part in their lives has truly been my highlight of the year.

Home Schooling

This was the first year that William was home schooled and at the moment it has been going really well. I have seen my little boy change back to his self. No more tears and upset about school and in comparison a boy who is flourishing in front of me. It hasn't been easy though, being a stay at home dad has helped, but there have been some real nail biting moments where I have questioned if I am doing the right thing.

Church

For those who know I don't do well at church, I have faith but my interpersonal relationships with authority figures, and even more so in church, has left me feeling left out and isolated. That being said I have, for the moment at least, found a place that I am happy at and they seem to be happy to have me there too. This has also allowed me to open up and find new relationships with a great community of people.

Relationships

I started the new year by ending a relationship. It wasn't working and I felt that for a while there had been a choice of that person verses the boys. For me there isn't a contest, the boys are not an option they are part of me. For the majority of the year I have remained single and done so with confidence and happiness.

There is a part of me seeking something more and subsequently I have had dates but they don't seem to have gone any where and usually because of harsh reasons.
I have continued to find dating difficult though, mainly due to my social anxieties and my mental health issues of DPD but I will come on to that in a while. All this being said; There is some one truly amazing in my life, that I love spending time with, who I am completely falling for, but for multiple reasons (mainly for the fact that I get incredibly anxious around her, especially when wanting to express any open thought about myself ) I don't think anything will come from it. I'd love for something to happen but I know in my heart that it won't, even if certain aspects were different so will have to work it out some how. I think for the best though that I won't proceed with dating again for a while.

Mental Health

On a whole my mental health has been good. However I do feel this is due more to the fact that I have kept myself to myself and avoided any social situation that might affect it. There are moments though that I tried dating for example and in those cases my mental health flared. But this is normal when I venture into these situations. I am socially anxious in most situations and because of my dependant personality disorder it is extremely difficult for me to interact with people because I take on board people views, feelings and opinions far to deeply and subsequently the latter part of the year has been difficult. (Especially with said lady above, the closer I get to her the more my DPD is playing around with me, I know I should openly talk about it but I am socially awkward and fear the response.....even if it is a nice response. At some point soon though I will have to deal with it clearly otherwise it might become a detriment)
On the plus side though I haven't been unstable at all this year.....I have had a few wobbles but that has been it. You can find out more about my mental health here: http://insidemartynsmind.blogspot.co.uk/2014/12/my-mental-health.html?m=1

Physical Health

On a whole this has stayed the same, nothing dramatic has happened, so I cant complain. I still worry about how it is viewed. The biggest thing though are the new gadgets that I have been measured up for and using. I have a foot straps, leg support and back brace. Although these things will never "fix" me they will cover up and hide the disability side of things which should make me more comfortable outside.
My physical appearance has changed massively though! I weighed 11st 3lbs at the start of the new year. I had a 38 size waist and felt and looked disgusting. I dieted and within 4 months I dropped to 8st (although I lost a bit more since then for various reason) and am a 28/30 waist. So I do look and feel a lot better!

This Blog

Great things have happened this year. Although I have been blogging for 4 years this has been the first year where it truly has been accepted. I believe this is all down to the way my life has changed this year. My thoughts have gone and changed to being a about a single, sahd, who home schools. These key features have opened this blog up to lots of different people searching for their own interests within this field. Subsequently it has opened me up to having chats and discussions with different production teams to feature in documentaries, something that I never believed would happen! I have made many new blogging friends. It has also opened my eyes to speak to some amazing people. Some who I don't know how I would cope if I didn't have a good chat and moan to!


Overall this year has been great, there has been so many amazing things that have happened and this year will be a year that I will remember for a long long time.

Thanks to everyone who comes and reads what we've been upto, in whatever way you come and read. By the end of the January there will be some changes where I will be self hosted but this is just going to be a brand new adventure.

Happy New Year. I wish you all the best in 2015!

Martyn x