Saturday, 28 March 2015

Am I a good Dad?

This is probably a question that we have all asked at some point; are we good parents?

It’s difficult to put things in terms if you are or if you’re not, without comparing yourself to others that are around you.

In some of my darker moments this week I have been asking this question over and over again.
I had a conversation with the Boys Mum this week and it left me feeling quite perplexed over if I was or wasn’t a good Dad. Although I won’t go directly into the conversation that we had it really left me, in my mind and not through any direct attack, questioning if I was and how would I know?
Communication with the Boys Mum is ten times better now than it used to be; we aren’t friends, we have drifted far enough apart in these last 4 years that if it wasn’t for the Boys we really would have no reason or want to talk to each other but because and for the Boys we do have a communication.
This wasn’t always the case! We did the stereotypical thing that newly separated people do; we screamed and shouted at each other, hurled insult after insult. One of her favourites at the time is something that hit hard and has always stuck:
“Stop measuring yourself against bad Dads and start measuring against good ones! And you’ll realise that you fall short”
(I would like to point out that we don’t do this to each other now; we might still bicker but that’s expected at times)
But I could never really see what a good Dad was; is a good Dad one that works 12 hours a day and gets to see their children on the weekends because he’s working hard to financially support his family? Is it a Dad that plays and reads with his children? What exactly makes a good Parent?
I have, and will always stand by, the thought that I am a good Dad; I don’t deem it against others either. I try to do my best and that is my conclusion on being a parent.
Parenting is tough going. I read hundreds of blog posts a week and through doing so I see a range of parenting styles, I read a range of Dad bloggers that have a variety of arrangements at work or at home, I see parents, Mummy and Daddies, blogging through their highs and lows. Yet, there is one thing that stands true in every post I see: Any parent is trying their hardest for their children.
I feed, clothe, financially support, care and emotionally and physically look after my two boys; I do so in the best way possible. It isn’t always right and I know for sure that I get a hell of it wrong.  But don’t we all? Yet we do the same thing that we do every day; we pick ourselves and try again.
I get reminded sometimes that I am disabled and that I struggle with things physically. I also get reminded that I have mental health problems. These two pieces of information are true; however true they may be they don’t stop me from being a Dad. For me my children always come first and whatever life throws at me I will, like we all do, pick myself up and I try.
I wanted to write this to put some demons to rest. My worries and those of others that think that for any reason that I am a bad parent because one thing is for sure: Tomorrow is a new day and in that new day I will try again.

8 comments:

Ashley Beolens said...

Want to know what makes a good dad?

You do!

You can see from the smiles on your boy's faces they are happy, they are clearly learning from you and, from what I have read, they are great kids, therefore you are a good dad.

As you rightly say we all parent differently that does not make any of us better or worse, just different, happy, well mannered, interested kids mean you are doing a good job.

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks Ashley. Really appreciate it. We all do differently. I get up and try and they always seem happy that's the main thing.

Natalie Ray said...

Well it certainly sounds to me like you're doing a grand job! I totally understand what you mean though, we all think we're not doing enough as parents don't we? I definitely ask myself the question regularly as to whether I am a good mum and how I could improve.

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks Natalie. I'm glad I'm not the only one to think or question it. I hope I am, it's definitely difficult at times.

Mud Cakes and Wine said...

Your right we do all question if we are a good parent, your children are loved and happy and cared for. Your posts are always full of the exciting things you do for them and with them x

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one who questions it. It's good to know others see the same as me.

Hannah Brooker said...

I often question myself, almost every week I wonder if I'm doing something right it wrong screwing things up, good parent or bad parent, I don't know. I do know I do my best and sometimes it feels not good enough..I think im a good enough mum. Good post :)

Martyn Kitney said...

I like to think that most people in some way question themselves if they're a good parent. I'd like to think that the fact that we do is what makes us good. We question and we try our best. That's all that matters.