How 6 years have changed me!

James’ birthday is quickly approaching and he is getting to the landmark age of 4!

This in itself is a big thing and I will have a post coming out soon about it; this has made me feel old!

I was having a conversation with a friend about her son’s birthday as it’s a week after James’ and they were saying how weird it is to have a 2 year old. Now I sat there on the phone and did the good friend bit where I listened, agreed and even mocked the fact that she’ll be going through the terrible twos soon!

But in my mind a loud screaming voice shouted “2 Years old! Pfft….I’ve got a 6 and 4 year old!”

(William and James a few hours old)

Now not once was this a competition thing where I was trying to prove that I had it harder etc.

No, this was simply my mind reminding me that I am getting older and that my boys are growing up quickly.

Yet on this realisation I wasn’t thinking about how much the boys had grown and changed but more how I have!

Take me back 6 years:

I was 26 and oh so young.

I was filled with idealistic adult views, many of which now I look back and laugh at.

Myself:

I was married, working full time as a Primary school teacher, I went to church regularly and even attended church events within the week.

I did blog but for anyone who has ever taken a stroll through my archives will see that before September 2014 the blog was just a pedestal for me to stand on and post my religious soap box views. (Although this did significantly lessen as the years went on)

On the outside I was arrogant, rude and held grudges. I thought I knew everything and yet underneath I was suffering with varied undiagnosed mental health issues; problems that were seeping out unknowingly to my marriage, friends and family.

Parenting:

I thought parenting was straight forward: The dad’s role was that of a man that worked 12+ hours a day and came home to read a bedtime story to my son, put him to bed and then be a husband.

Children should be breast fed for the first 2 months and then straight on to the bottle; breast feeding, home schooling, co-sleeping and even baby-led weaning was for hippies and had no place in my parenting plan.

(Arrogant Martyn aged 26)

Some-how though through these last 6 years a lot has changed.

The Boys taught me more about what is realistic than what I could read about or see on T.V. What suited them definitely didn’t mean it would fit in a category tick box, one that I wanted to force upon them! They taught me and from that I grew and changed.

Personality wise is a little more straightforward; having a nervous breakdown in November 2012 humbled me massively. I realised that there was more going on with me underneath, something that I needed to recognise, embrace and accept. Going from one extreme to another within a space of a year shook the core of me and ultimately brought me to the bottom where I was able to rebuild myself. But in doing so it stripped a lot away from me including how I parent and what was expected from me.

It was a time where the Boys were young but old enough to show me what they needed as their Dad.

I think that all parents go through this process of ‘what they expect they will be like’ to ‘what parenting is really like’ and from that they enter and continue on a journey full of surprises, twists and turns.

I think though that with the changes I had made being a Dad also changed who I was as a person.

I was recently attacked on the blog by some silly troll who obviously knew me from my past; they spouted nonsense about who I was and what I was like. I will be honest and say that reading it did upset me.

Yet, through the support of the lovely blogging community, as well as some supportive friends, I realised how ridiculous their comments were. These were people from my past, people who remembered me a certain way; possibly remember me in a way that was true at the time.

Yet on the realisation of my boys being older, and the subsequent change in me because of it, those comments became incredibly significant; they were out dated and not in any way a reflection of who I am now. How could it be when they don’t know me now?

Parenting definitely opens up so much and, if willing, it will bring you to where you’re needed even if it is with you dragging and screaming. Parenting styles are varied, family set ups are changing day on day and yet through it we’re discovering more about ourselves.

Yes, I am a Dad to a 6 and almost 4 year old but I have changed. It’ll be interesting to see what and who I am in 6 more years.

Have you changed since becoming a parent?