If I told you that I needed to be honest and that my name wasn’t Martyn but David, would you be shocked?
Would you question why I haven’t said this previously? Or
even question what you knew of me through my writing? All because I hid behind
an alias?
Don’t worry…..
My name is Martyn but the thought of anonymity has been
going through my mind this last week and I wanted to write something about it.
Everybody has their own view on how they present themselves,
their posts and especially their children.
There are 100’s of blogs that I love; everyone has their
little corner of the internet where they write what they want and they do so with
whatever protection they decide.
I speak to different bloggers on a daily basis and I have no
idea what some of their real names are.
I see different bloggers take a varied approach to how they
keep the identity of their children safe; some will just use the first letter or
just refer to them as ‘older boy’ or some, like me, who use the child’s name.
Each way is fine and I completely understand why people take
this route, protect your children at all costs and then allow a certain amount
of online safety for yourself.
I am not here though to discuss which way is better because I
truly think each have their merits.
I write, as most of you will know, about every aspect of my
life, good or bad; any topic that comes under “Martyn’s Thoughts”
So this actually leads me on to what I have been thinking
about: If I suddenly revealed my ‘real’ identity would that make you feel deceived
enough to question the things I have written previously? Let’s face it I, like
many of you, are complete strangers and we hide behind the safety of a
computer. Do we really know any of us?
In my thinking I came to two conclusions:1: I have read some truly heart felt posts of people reaching into their souls and pouring pure emotion in to their beautifully crafted words; many of these posts have brought me to tears. Therefore, if I have read the highs and lows, good and bad of these people then ultimately it has shown me a ‘real’ person behind the blog and one that I can honestly connect with.
2: There will always be a certain amount of privacy to
everything that we know and read about people, even if they share what appears
to be “everything” through their posts. Ultimately we don’t know each other so
can never really tell.
For me the latter doesn’t matter. There will always be a
certain amount of information that we don’t know about each other and that is
fine because I don’t read, talk and interact with you to know everything; I do
it because through the writing I have felt a connection in some way.
I know there are lots about me that I haven’t discussed on
the blog, even if I have been incredibly open in places. I won’t openly discuss
the boys Mum, for example, because it is not something that I would ever want
the boys reading but you can imagine that co-parenting has brought challenges
through the years that I could have blogged about.
I was recently on a dating site and mentioned that I blogged
as a hobby (Why did I do this?!) Subsequently I was then Googled…..
Well you can imagine the panic that this caused; I have
written so many open posts about every aspect of my life.
But why was I panicked?
Although I share everything about me on here I do so from the
safety of my laptop. I sit in my little world, write what I want, openly and
honestly and know that I don’t have to worry about anything.
Yet this person
was someone in my real world, what if I wanted to gradually share information
with them? Not to deceive but because I am a complicated fish.
A lovely blogger recently said to me: “Martyn, you are bloody
amazing and you need to start believing it!”
This was obviously lovely but how would they know with the
level of anonymity that I have in blogging? Then it dawned on me that they have read,
commented connected with me on levels that I don’t express in the real world
because I had the protection of anonymity. (The person from the dating site seemed to agree too by the way)
Blogging is a good place to write, release, vent and be open because we have can hide behind our computer but when you write honestly and post it in a public place you’re also allowing people to connect to you.
The writing and what is written seems to be what matters and not complete disclosure of every aspect.
So a deep question to end:
Does anonymity within blogging allow us to express ourselves
more openly than we do in the real world? And subsequently, reveal ourselves
more?
72 comments:
This is an interesting concept. I write about just about everything on my blog - from abuse to S's birth to my breakdown and everything in between. I write about things I've never talked about because I find it easier to write, to have that barrier there. I often find it uncomfortable if people I know in real life see me and comment on something I've blogged about.
Like you I was googled by someone on a dating site; he read loads of my blog posts and started commenting on them to me. I took the decision he was a massive weirdo and stopped all contact!
It's a tough one isn't it. in terms of the kids i try to avoid names, just because I don't want anything I say obviously being linked to them (but I guess in reality with images used this makes no sense).
As for the part you talked about if it turned out your name wasn't Martyn well I guess it should make no difference as long as what you were writing about was real (after all plenty of people change their names), of course if we found out you were 6 foot tall athlete called Susan we might not believe your words :)
I love anonymity , but I have no problem with people that don't. Online for some reason I find it easier to remember people's online names than their real ones, even when I know them well and have met them frequently. Which makes me laugh at the check box below this comment "check here to say you are not a robot". Maybe I am!!
Oh I am so much more open on my blog than real life mainly because it's easier to write than speak for me. Then I forget that actually blog has reached people who KNOW me then I get asked about these posts and I feel like sloping off ha! I get terribly uncomfortable in real life, blogging anon would've perhaps been better but I've helped a lot of people so I can regret being so open really.
Wow, this really hit home with me. It's weird, because sometimes I feel comfortable releasing some identity of my family, but at times I don't. I bet if you went through my different posts you can find my kids names and in others I tend to be discreet. I'm pretty open about myself, but try to protect my family's identity.
I think because I am nosey and like to know about people I have been fairly open. I call my girl my gremlin but have also revealed her name too. There are some things in my head that I want to blog about though but haven't so there is a small barrier. Everyone can be googled now but I think if you have a blog there is that part of you that likes people to know a bit about you as well. Good luck with the dating :-) xxxx
Great post here. There is no doubt in my mind it is easier to share your heart from behind a computer than face to face. The computer screen gives you a "disconnect" where you can almost forget that there are real people on the other side somewhere reading it.
I think that also goes to explain some of the cyber bullying and trolling that goes on. Those people type mean things into a computer keyboard because they have disconnected in their mind that there is a real person on the other side.
Anyway, Martyn, David, Kevin whoever you are! I enjoyed your thoughts on this one.
What I find interesting about this question is why is it any different for a blog author to use a pen name then it is for a book author? Is it because of the interaction via comments and therefore there is a perception of having met the blogger that isn't there with a book writer? But that doesn't hold true either as there have always been letters to the editor and such. An interesting topic!
Interesting read. I am generally a very open person, and therefore share plenty, including the names of children etc. However, I have also read some very deep, emotional posts, but don't know if I would share something like that myself as my blog is open to the world and a lot of my real life friends are followers too.
I love it when you quote me ;-)
I definitely reveal more of myself online (figuratively of course!) than I do within certain parts of my social circle - hence my freak out the other day! R's friends don't really know about the mental health aspect of my life, a couple do, but not many. Even though I'm not at all anonymous, but just because I've never openly revealed that I write the blog...
Thought provoking post. Certainly living in a small community and having an incredibly conservative/private Husband has affected what and how I feel comfortable to blog about. .
Thanks Vicky! I agree, I write about all sorts but only because I'm more comfortable doing it through writing. I'm interested to know though if the googling is only weird if a guy does it?
Haha am I now going to be called Susan? It's strange because as you say there is so much that can be linked to kids from the blog even our writing yet we hold some under anonymity.
Thanks. I have no problem with people doing it either. Completely get it actually. I'm always doing that with names....its jut far easier.
Well you're definitely a smart robot ;)
I'm the same as you. Although I know that my blog doesn't reach people I know normally. But when I do find out I'm just as uncomfortable with that fact.
I thought it might Brian considering the question you posted in group the other day. It's an interesting concept with how much to reveal but saying that it can be easier to say something and still be discreet.
Lol I think being nosey does have its point in this. Definitely agree. The blog is an outlet and it's nice knowing people take an interest in me and the boys. Thank you! Dating is weird lol
Thanks Mike. I think you're right about disconnecting online so it makes it easier. Again I agree with the point about the trolls too. It's a strange world we live in where we can be more comfortable with ourselves and how we vent etc online than in person.
I never thought of that! And it's such a valid point. I suppose there is a certain amount of personal approach to blogging that makes people feel they're connecting with a person...maybe less so in some cases than an author.
Thanks Michaela. I think that's an interesting point about who reads it. I don't have real life friends who read so it's different for me to have that part withholding me. Saying that though you are pretty open so I'm sure there's little that you're not sharing.
Lol I should quote you more! Haha glad you added that bit....not sure what direction your blog would go down then lol I suppose it's difficult though knowing that you are open but know these people especially as with any connection to R. Should show the blog off though it's great!
Thanks! Yes I can see how that would make a difference. It's one thing to be open and another when you know it might affect hubby.
What's in a name anyway? Brilliant post. I wouldn't find the googling strange. If someone told me they blogged the first thing I'd do is look up the blog.
I understand why you would change your name. I'm sure many of us bloggers do this to protect our families. My own concerns in relation to someone accidently stumbling upon it and the children being teased because of it.
With annonimity also comes a certain freedom to post topics and issues that we might not if colleagues, friends and even family read our blogs
I think annoymity reduces inhibitions to a certain extent and results in sharing more than otherwise. In recent days, as I've read a few blogcamp posts; I've felt uneasy and awkward about coming face to face with virtual blogging buddies. I've wondered about how I'll behave and all; and the feel it gives rise to is not one that makes me tall inside. Interesting, isn't it. Good food for thought, your post! #instagram
Interesting debate and I wish when I started blogging I might have used a different name. That being said I stand behind everything I have ever wrote and take more than enough precaution when it comes to my daughter.
This is a really interesting post Martyn - as usual. I know I post more on my personal pages but that's to protect my children. I'm still quite new so I'm still wary of that aspect. I'm still me though :)
I don't think the world could handle all of you... Lol! I started anonymously but actually prefer being me and showing it, purely because of how much people in the blogging world accept the real me. Its helped me come to terms with so much and I an actually beginning to like myself because of it. I love showing the real me! Shame the real me is a dick... Lol x
I f*ckin commented, yay!
Thanks Alan. I found the googling a little weird but then I was alright about it. Like you say if someone said that you'd do it.
That's an interesting point about kids being teased about it. I think by that point where would you draw the line....would you not feature photos for the same reason?
Thanks for commenting. Yeah I have that worry too about coming face to face with people I know have read my blog and all that I share. There is a part of me that acknowledges the fact that you put it online for people to read so you should expect it. Part of me then is more comfortable with that person as there's less reason to hide.
Thanks Gary. Looking back now I don't know if I would have changed how I blogged especially when it comes to the children. That being said there is a certain amount I hold back because of them.
Thanks! That's the thing I know I am still me at the end of the day and I write honestly for that so I'm comfortable there. You have a unique set up where you have personal pages against a separate format for the elf service but makes perfect sense to then do it that way. I think being weary isn't a bad thing. It gives you the opportunity to write what you're comfortable with.
Yay for commenting! No excuse now!
You're an interesting one and I thought of you when writing this. I knew you started anonymously then revealed who you were. I think it's great that you did. I didn't know you though before then so I don't know what the reaction would have been like if I had connected to you before your reveal. I think you're right though with how it allows you to embrace the real you rather than aspects that you're use to hiding.
An interesting post Martyn, er, Derek, whatever your name is. :-)
I've never been anonymous, and while that has never prevented me from being open about what I write, it has to an extent restricted what I write about. I'm not going to write anything that might in any way be hurtful to family, friends or colleagues, a number of whom I know do read the blog. If I was anonymous, I probably still wouldn't write that kind of stuff as I'm not the kind of person who would do that - but at I would have the freedom to do it.
I'm much better at communicating on a pager, be in web based or paper. I like that I can take some time to be careful about what I say and how I word it. I blog anonymously so if my kid doesn't want people reading about his poonami incidents when he's 15 he can keep it to himself. I try to write, connect and comment as if I was using my real name in case I am 'outed' one day but I definitely use the word 'vagina' much less in real life.
I'm much better at communicating on a pager, be in web based or paper. I like that I can take some time to be careful about what I say and how I word it. I blog anonymously so if my kid doesn't want people reading about his poonami incidents when he's 15 he can keep it to himself. I try to write, connect and comment as if I was using my real name in case I am 'outed' one day but I definitely use the word 'vagina' much less in real life.
I thik it's actually very sensible to keep various details to yourself. I knnow of bloggers who put family pictures, full names locations and all but their postcode in the public domain. I think that's actually quite dangerous on many levels. Annonymity can in fact give you a sense of freedom and make you reveal more than you might under a real name. Why do you think some of the world best writers have long used pen names?? More importantly, good luck internet dating. I did it years ago and thoroughly enjoyed it. #BigFatLinky
A thought provoking post mate.Jen and I have regular talks about how much is ok to share and where the line is. I started my blog anonymously - because of being a teacher- but that didn't last long! Love the idea of you being 6ft and called Susan - via ashley!
Great post as its so true - would we reveal more if we were an alias? I'm new to blogging and would love to write more 'deep' posts but do worry what people would think - but if I hadn't revealed myself would I?? Thought provoking post :-) #bigfatlinky
Hmmm, anonymity never crossed my mind when I started writing this blog - I sometimes wonder if I should or shouldn't be referring to Zach by his name but it's a bit late now hehe!! I think that somewhere along the line I'f have ended up referring to him by his name though - it just gives me less to concentrate on!! #bigfatlinky
Such an interesting concept and not one I've given too much thought on before now. I sometimes hold back on posting pictures on Instagram of my children because whilst I choose to openly share my thoughts on the internet I don't feel I want to make that decision on their behalf. I've also read other bloggers who's posts have gone viral and their photos have been used without their permission and they felt violated which I totally sympathise with, once it's out there you have no control over it. I don't like the thought of not being in control. Truthfully I havent told anyone, apart from my partner, about my blogging as I'm quite a private and closed person who doesn't reveal my emotions often, so I'm not sure I would be happy about people I know reading my blog as I don't feel confident enough in my writing. I defiantly will be giving this post more thought. #BigFatLinky
Such an interesting post. It's so funny, I'm so happy with my blog in the online world, but when anyone in the real world asks about it, or mentions it, I do sense myself feeling a little uneasy even though what I write on there is 100% genuine I can't shake that feeling off. #bigfatlinky
Interesting thoughts... not many of my real-life friends know I blog and those that do don't really understand what that means anyway #bigfatlinky
There are times I wish that when I started I had used false names for my children. The world can be a scary place. I try not to include extended family and friends names when I talk about them
This is something I often wonder, I'm actually quite a private person, preferring to only open up to people I trust so why do I feel so willing for strangers to read my every thoughts? I keep my children anonymous as I feel that as its not their choice to be aired so publicly, so i shouldn't fully expose them until they can make that decision themselves but that's just my work hat influencing me and I pass no judgement on anyone else's choices. #bigfatlinky
After some of your Twitter cheek lately I may start pretending not to know you ;)
Stevie :) #bigfatlinky
I never considered for a second to be annonomous on my blog, it never crossed my mind. I do find that since so many people I know read my posts there is a certain level of accountability to represent myself in a way that I am proud of. As well as a bit of restriction that I can't tell secrets that I don't want everyone to know about. I have been tossing around the idea of starting a second blog annonomously but honestly, who has time for two blogs?? Hope you have a great weekend Martyn!
I feel somewhat protected by calling myself something else. Although I have only very recently started using my first name Jess. For me it's a confidence thing, My family and friends don't even know that I blog. One day I'm sure I will be confident enough to share with them what I gave been doing. For now I get a freedom from writing and feel I can be more honest, does that make sense? X
It is, IMO, almost impossible to maintain a persona online for any length of time as your real self leaks out. And, however careful you are about real life identifiers, you let things slip that someone may spot.
That said, when I registered on the Internet a billion years ago, I use the nickname that I still use to this day as keeping real me and online me seperate somehow.
I don't share my husband's or child's real name as they've asked me not too. I'm also vague about our location. But I'd imagine that a bit of Googlefu would find it if somebody was sufficiently determined.
Lovely post, most thought-provoking. #bigfatlinky
Very thought provoking post. I think it is easier to express yourself in writing because you can think so much about how things are said before you hit publish. As a new blogger, I'm still finding my way in terms of how much I want to present about myself personally. My name is Becky though! lol #bigfatlinky
Awesome post! I know this is off topic but really pleased to read about the dating site :) I don't write a particularly personal blog, not in the day to dy sense so I don't feel I'm revealing too much but there's not a lot I wouldn't reveal about myself. I feel like I am who I am, take me or leave me. Like you I try not to tell other people's stories. I'm happy to have my son's image/name out there. I think he will grow up in a very different time to me, it won't feel odd to have a long online history.
Excellent article! You bring up some great points Martyn, or should I say David! :-)
Being be2 to blogging I've wrestled with anonymity. Right now the majority of my audience already knows me personally. But as it grows I think more about it. since I mostly write about me im not too concerned. It's also been am interesting experiment talking to my kids about internet safety and cyberbullying.
I am not bothered if you remain anonymous or not. Whether your name is Martyn, Dave or Susan, what you have written gives me a sense of who you are as a person, the name is irrelevant.
To me anonymity helps some to open up about topics that have a stigma attached, which helps the author, as a sort of therapy. Or topics where their life could be in danger, such as Raif Badawi, who I blogged about last week.
My true name has never been put out into the blogging world, not because I wish to remain anonymous, but because no one has ever asked.
In the end, anyone with enough wear-with-all will find you. I know someone that keeps their cards very close to the chest, but over the months, through their blogs, they have revealed where they are from, what they do for work, and another possible alias.
Yeah...I see how you wouldn't for that reason even if you were that type of person. I restrict what I say for the sake of the boys. I think I could easily rant if I wanted even though I'm like you and it's not my normal way.
Haha maybe blogging frees you to use the word more lol
I like that you're allowing the choice for when they're older to decide. But like you being fairly open anyway doesn't then hinder what you write even behind being anonymous
Yes. I see you're point there. There will always be certain aspects that I hold back for the safety of the family. But actually if you looked over social media etc I'm sure you would be able to piece bits together. Would anything really be hidden if people looked hard enough?
But it definitely gives you freedom. Oh and thanks....Internet dating has definitely been my friend this time round ;)
Thanks! I suppose with the photo going viral there must have been pretty much a jump into the spotlight despite hiding behind anonymous identity.
Ha....I have a feeling that I'll be carrying the name Susan for a while ;)
Thanks. See this is one of those weird things because I don't know you....not even your name. You are something crunchy mummy. I don't know if that's me not delving deeper or if I just accepted that and therefore your writing. I don't think it matters and think if you're ever comfortable you should try the deeper posts.
I agree. It's didn't occur to me because initially no one really read my blog so it didn't matter. Yet it occurred to me later on when more people did. Actually it was when someone spotted me at a festival and came and said hello. And it's because they recognised the boys first. At the point is when it crossed my mind. But like you I think it's a bit late for that now.
Thanks. I try when it comes to photos to be clever and post side shots or put a watermark on it. But it's never that straight forward.
It's interesting how you say you're a private person but yet you blog. I'm the same but then I've revealed more on my blog than I would have done in real life.
Thanks for commenting. Yeah I'm exactly the same. I suppose there is a certain amount of privacy or a feeling of being protected online. Which is worrying considering how much danger there can actually be with it.
A lot of the people in my life know I blog but I also know that they rarely read it. Maybe 2 people do. So in that sense I don't mind. I might be different if more people did.
Me too with extended people. Although I referred to an uncle once and as I have 3 I thought I was being clever but then 3 lots of people saw it and thought I meant them. So caused slightly more hassle.
Fab post. raises a lot of good points. I blog anonymously (ish) as in most of my friends don't know that I blog. The ones that do read it though and I'm happy for them to read it. I get your point though - it is much easier to bear you soul to a stranger sometimes than a friend. To be honest if you told me your name wasn't Martyn, that wouldn't change my opinion of you - what's in a name?
I tend to comment on blogs with my blog name rather than my real name because I think more people within the blogging world know me as my blog name.#bigfatlinky
Debbie
www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
This is really interesting - everyone takes draws a different line about what to share. But it's also got me thinking about how because we only ever have partial information about everyone we are all filling in the blanks differently, so how someone sees me/my blog, someone else reading it would see me as completely different - I wonder how many different versions of us there are out there!
It is an interesting question. I think the answer for me is quite simple. Yes, the partial anonymity of the blog does allow me to be more open. I've always found that I can express myself better in writing than in speech, so sending someone to my blog if they want to get to know me bit would be a good thing to do :)
3 weeks late... #BigFatLinky
Wow, I had to sit with this one a bit. I mean... My posts are always so absolutely personal and right the f out there. I think that I hold back a little bit because everyone I know in person actually reads my blog on facebook and my family do as well, so as much as I am out there with my posts, I hold back a little. If I didnt know anyone personally I would be more deep with my posts, just that little extra that I cant be now.
I thoroughly enjoyed this post.
I can imagine your horror at being Googled.
Anonymity allows for a certain degree of truth and it's the truth that's important. Discovering your name is really Bob or Whitney or Jarad is less of a concern than discovering that these outpourings from your heart that have connected with others so well are fiction. There's a separate question of how much we 'owe' our readers but playing them for fools is not something that can be recovered from easily.
This is something I've been mulling over recently. I think you're right that it's easier to be open when you're sat at a computer rather than face to face. But I think the biggest thing for me is that when I am blogging, I have the time and space to think over the best way to describe something. As someone who suffered with M.E. for many years, my brain still stutters over finding the right words or getting my thoughts in order. This is made all the worse when I'm trying to explain difficult or personal issues as I feel even more pressure to 'get it right'. When I blog, I can write and rewrite until the page fully depicts my message.
Lucy At Home (not my real name!)
This is something I've been mulling over recently. I think you're right that it's easier to be open when you're sat at a computer rather than face to face. But I think the biggest thing for me is that when I am blogging, I have the time and space to think over the best way to describe something. As someone who suffered with M.E. for many years, my brain still stutters over finding the right words or getting my thoughts in order. This is made all the worse when I'm trying to explain difficult or personal issues as I feel even more pressure to 'get it right'. When I blog, I can write and rewrite until the page fully depicts my message.
Lucy At Home (not my real name!)
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