Over the 10 years of teaching I have come across a range of pupils and the way they see themselves when it comes to work.
You have pupils who really work hard and have pressure to
achieve from either themselves or their families.
I have also seen pupils who watch the room and put
themselves under pressure because they feel that they are behind the rest of the
class in what they’re doing.
In both cases I have seen one thing time and time again:
Self-Harm.
I know that I have only worked with Primary School aged
children but it is alarming how many self-harm. (One pupil as young as 5)
The truth is that there is no real statistics to measure by
because so much of it is kept quiet, missed or ignored but according to
ChildLine self-harm calls have increased by 41% in the last 2 years.
Recently I was teaching a 9 year old pupil; they are lovely,
fun and friendly and in so many ways a stereotypical child of their age. They’ve
been playing the piano for just over a year and have shown great promise within
their ability. However, two weeks in a row they started to show ‘Negative’
behaviour traits and hence why I wanted to write this post.
Every time they played a note wrong or made a significant
move to the wrong place they stopped and hit themselves on the head often with the
phrase “I’m an idiot”.
Now I know when you look at it you won’t necessarily see
this as self-harm.
You might see this as is a child giving themselves a bit of
a telling off because they wants to do better; something that I am sure we all
do when we are trying to achieve something under pressure.
In the second week of doing this I stopped the lesson and
asked why they were doing this and the answer was “I just can’t get it right, I’m
rubbish” I did take time to talk to them, encourage and eventually we stopped
what we were doing and did the remainder of the lesson with fun exercises.
(Something we always do but not for the majority of the lesson)
Self-harm can take lots of physical forms, including hitting
themselves, cutting, burning, bruising, scratching, hair-pulling, poisoning and
overdosing. The problem is that it is the extremes that we usually think of, isn’t
it?
The horrible truth though is that it has to start somewhere.
The NSPCC say:
“There are many reasons why children and young people try to hurt
themselves. And once they start, it can become a compulsion. That's why it's so
important to spot it as soon as possible and do everything you can to help.”
Rather than being a cry for attention or a suicide attempt,
self-harm is usually a way for young people to release overwhelming emotions: Loneliness,
sadness, anger or lack of control over something.
Sometimes it can be a way for them to punish themselves for
something they've done or have been accused of.
Something like hitting yourself because they have done
something ‘wrong’ is such a minor thing when we look at a list that mentions
cutting or poisoning and I don’t want to take away from the severity of these.
However, I do just want to highlight that children don’t, always, jump from
being happy to cutting; I know I didn’t!
“There are links between depression
and self-harm, and quite often a child or young person who is self-harming is
being bullied, under too much pressure to do well at school, being emotionally
abused, grieving or having relationship problems with families or friends.”
We are living in a world where Homework seems to be pilling
up, extracurricular activities seem to fill a lot of ‘home time’ and scoring
children with exams is now something that is being pushed in schools to ‘keep
up’ or ‘increase’ the performance of the school altogether; these all have
their place and if it wasn’t for extracurricular activities then I would be out
of a job.
For me the pupil’s well-being comes first.
I have two main rules that my pupils must know:
1. Music is Easy
2. Music is Fun.
I don’t take pupils who want grading because I want the
pupil to enjoy playing as much as I do; with graded tests I’m not really
sticking to rule 2.
The exact reasons why children and young people decide to
hurt themselves are not always clear. In fact, they might not even know exactly
why they do it; it could be their own added pressure or something that they
have witnessed.
I know there are situations that can’t, necessarily, be
avoided such as SATs, 11+ Exams and Homework. Amongst it all remember the fun
and make sure they have an enjoyable outlet to the pressure that’s on them.
Think of things they can do well and be praised for; it
doesn't matter, as long as they enjoy doing it.
If you would like to know more or would like advice on this
please follow the links below.
NSPCC HomeNSPCC Self-Harm
ChildLine
31 comments:
It's so sad that children feel so stressed and unhappy about things they self harm. Really useful post
Thanks mrs Tubbs. It's horrible that they resort to feeling like this is an option.
I've never thought about children so young hurting themselves.Naively I suppose but there really should be far more awareness.Will be sharing x
Thank you. Sadly self hate under pressure can start young. I've seen hitting even biting before of children you'd believe to young to worry. Definitely more awareness needed. Thank you for sharing.
It is terrible that some kids feel the need to hurt themselves at such young ages, I think often (at the youngest ages) they do not realise what they are doing, my daughter will often slap her head quite hard when she does something wrong, but rather than being self harm it is not quite getting the face palm thing.
It is terrible that they resort to it or at least feel like thy need to. It's good that you can see the difference between the hitting/face palm . As long as it's not a negative to her struggles it's all that matters.
This is such a good post and so important to think about. Our daughter used to be a bit like this but reading this has made me realise that she isn't any more. I hope it's because her self esteem is better generally. It IS frustrating to get things 'wrong' but in some ways that's a good think to feel as it's that that can drive you forward to work at something you find difficult (and then succeed in). It goes without saying that self harming isn't a good thing and I guess it's important that everyone knows it's going on so everyone can work to building up their self esteem again?
Glad to hear she's not like it now. It's sad how they pick this behaviour up under pressure. I think realising that a small amount of negative behaviour happens and that it's important to build up that esteem if necessary.
I'm an adult now but i first started in primary school, it started with little things and esculated to the extremes. I am now a Brownie and Guide leader and this is one subject that is not talked about anywhere near enough so well done for writing this.
Thank you for commenting. I agree, the little things is where it can start and sadly it can continue as a mentality that goes to extremes. I know that this was the case for me. It should be spoken about more. And for lots of different reasons. I see a lot of parent pass it off as them just being silly but I'd love them to see this and break the habit of punishment to themselves. Whatever it may be. I hope this can help others somewhere. Even if this was to being more awareness.
I am not psychologist but clearly something is wrong when a child do that! I am glad there are specialist etc. I think its lot down to how the cild is raise!
Thought provoking piece on an important issue. Although it isn't the only reason that children self harm, no child should end up in that situation because they are being put under too much pressure for exams and achievements. Children should not have to feel that level of stress & responsibility. Good on you for refusing to grade your pupils & making music about fun. #bigfatlinky
Tough stuff. Just shows how important it is to build up, encourage and nurture! Great post as always #bigfatlinky
It makes me so sad to think that young children fell the need to do this. We really need to incorporate a better support/counselling systems in schools. Great post and well done for talking about the subject :-) #bigfatlinky
Oh gosh - this has given me goosebumps . I used to work will young people who used drugs and many self harmed in other ways too. One girl used to bathe in bleach. #bigfatlinky
I love you for writing about this, obviously you know why. I saw it a while ago but for some reason couldn't bring myself to read it. But I'm glad I did. We need to talk about it and reduce the taboo around it all. Now when I look back, I know the self harm came way before the cutting, I just didn't realise what it was at the time. And there are still times that I do things now that I have to force myself to stop - old habits and all that. Thank you, thank you, thank you. #bigfatlinky
It's very scary and something I saw as a teenager at school with other children. I never really understood why you would do it but as I've got older you understand more. I agree children are under more and more pressure all the time to achieve and this does take away precious free time. I will definitely be looking out for this in my little girl and will remember where to go for help with the NSPCC links xx #bigfatlinky
It's scary to think that children as young as 5 already have such a negative image of themselves. At 5 they should be carefree, and happy, and I think it is a sad sign of the times we live in that this isn't always the case. Well done for raising awareness on this issue. Thanks for hosting the #bigfatlinky
Debbie
www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
Thanks for commenting! Sadly I've seen children come from a very living background but with that they have created their own pressure be it from watching and observing peers do better or just through believing that they are some ways letting themselves down from what they are doing. And usually starts off with low self esteem. I think as for specialist support this is something that is usually needed when the severity of hurt comes to cutting or physically hurting.
Thanks for commenting. And of course that isn't the only reason for them harming but it seemed that from a teachers point of view that I wanted to show an educational pressure as I have seen that first hand more. Sadly children can feel under pressure in lots of different ways and it's incredibly sad that those children feel the need to harm.
Thanks Luke, I think you've got it spot on and that with a rounded support offering those points that children can grow to feel less pressured and to love themselves.
It does me too. I've spotted so many children do this and it's horrid that they feel they have to. I've always taken the time to talk openly about this and with or via via the parents. It's something that starts off so small and hence why I felt I needed to talk about it.
Thanks for commenting. It's horrid isn't it. It's terrible when you witness these events from children.
Thank you Natalie. I know, and actually know that for many readers they would see the tag and avoid incase of triggers and I hope that isn't the case. Am pleased that you've read it though. It does need to be spoken about more and in the sense that it starts small. There is always something little as people don't just jump from happy to cutting. I am like you and catch myself in negative habits that I often feel like I need to correct. I think both adults and children don't fully understand the impact that self loathing and low self esteem can have.
Thanks Sarah. I saw a lot of it. I was part of a lot of it. And always with a lot of negativity. I started very young too. Taking at least some pressure of young children can at least make an impact to their self worth.
Thanks Debbie. I will always raise awareness of topics like this. People are aware of the side of cutting, burning and abuse yo ourselves but people don't always understand that a rooted low self esteem can start early on and from that lead to the side we hear more. In some schools I have witness parents apply so much pressure to children to achieve and then also see them try to see that themselves amongst their peers. It's horrid to think that it's on the rise.
Oh wow this is an amazing post - definitely an eye opener. I had never thought of children so young being anything but happy! That's probably very naive of me. And I had never considered the berating of themselves as self harm but I can see that now.
I completely agree with everything you just said! :-)
To think that children harming themselves like this and feeling pressure is sad hopefully by more people being aware of it it will happen alot less and be prevented sooner
As a person who has never 'seriously' self harmed, I always assumed that my sh methods were just quirks that most people had. A long with many other things about myself, I have learned that actually everything I have done is to survive.
I found this post very helpful, but from a totally selfish perspective. I never considered myself a harmer, but giving up making myself sick was huge. I wasn't losing weight, it wasn't doing me harm physically but the effect psychologically was a slow grate away at my person. It is important that people and children are allowed to view harmful habits as 'self harm' in order to prevent the snowballing effect of dependence on the habit.
I really hope I'm making sense. You were very kind to that student, sounds like they were being very harsh on themself. As someone who is harsh on myself (to the extent of colleagues saying 'steady on Caroline') I wonder where they have heard that language from, to be so mean about themselves.
Thanks Martyn for the thought provoking read!x
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