Whatever the scenario, you will always find that with two parents you have the good Cop and the bad Cop. Together or separate there usually is one that ends up being the bad guy.
I have no worries about my place. If asked, I am sure the Boys would see their Mum as the fun one and to be honest I don’t mind so much.
Theoretically you usually find that it is the parent who spends the most time with the child that ends up being the bad cop; however, I also can equally say that it doesn’t necessarily depend on that.
The Boys Mum and I have an equal split but in our scenario I am definitely the bad cop; again, I know my place and I don’t really mind.
This can be attributed to a few things:
On the Home Education front I am the primary parent teacher. This means that I do cover the boring subjects like Numeracy and Literacy and subsequently end up spending more time at the formal education side. (That has to be boring for any child, however fun and engaging I make!)
There is also the physical side. The boys are very much typical boys and love a good bit of rough and tumble play; something that I am unable to do.
Finally, their Mum is a tad bit crazy. I don’t mean my kind of crazy but more in the sense that she is quite scatty and silly who has a reputation for being so.
So all these factors combined I probably come across as the authoritarian character. This is all okay and I really don’t mind, I think even as separated parents the fact that we are quite opposite in personality that we balance ourselves out. I have my way and she has her; it just happens that she comes across as the fun one.
But does this make me a boring parent?
I was in a conversation with a “friend” the other day and when I specify “friend” I mean an acquaintance that really hasn’t any insight into my parenting with the boys.
A little context to our conversation:
Friend: Have you got the boys today
Me: Yes, up until Thursday, why?
Friend: I was thinking that you could meet us at McDonalds for Tea and then after we can go to Toys R Us and let the kids have a roam around and maybe spoil them with a treat?
Now, this is the point that might make me sound like a boring parent. Does anyone actually see the above as fun? Or is the cynical side in me looking at the above scenario and thinking that this would be an utter nightmare?
I pictured small children, hyped up on rubbish food that leaves them no nutrition and just makes them go a bit crazy. We then take these loaded, junked-up children and increase this given high by taking them to a toy store (please feel free to add the adjectives “ridiculously expensive” before “toy”) Once in said toy store we let them go through and “choose” a toy as a “treat” and not have to go through the magical land of “that is far too expensive darling” or its neighbouring country “You’re not old enough for that one yet”.
Before my little rant there, did anyone else picture that same rant scenario?
The conversation continued:
Me: Thank’s for the invite but we are actually just starting to prep dinner over here. Funds are also a little tight so I don’t think I can afford the trip anyway.
Friend: See Martyn, this is why you’re the boring parent. I feel sorry for the boys. Abandon dinner, jump in the car and come and join us. Be good, the boys would love you more if you did it.
Me: Nope, sorry, we’re having fun here.
That was the conversation over. Now a few things that I want to point out:
See for me I am far from boring.
Our Home School is engaging and fun. We go on trips, explore and have fun together. We create fun crafts both through schooled topics and just free crafting. We will empty an entire box of Lego on the floor, why? Because that’s what you do with Lego when you play with it. We cook and bake and then self-indulge in what we have created.
For me, and subsequently the boys, this is fun and far from boring.
Everyone has their own way of parenting and I totally respect that but I do have an issue with buying my children’s love; personally I would rather grow memories. Furthermore, if I don’t buy my children’s love then I am far from boring I just have more creativity in what we do.
What do you think? Would you see the above scenario as fun?
Is not being spontaneous and having wild little trips like this making me boring?
Is there a correlation between being the Bad Cop and being a boring parent?
23 comments:
I think you not going to McDonalds and Toys R Us makes you quite sensible...Not boring! I would class going to McDonalds as a treat in it's self. Maybe I am classed as boring! lol
Well, I get the being spontaneous thing, that's fun. And I'm sure it's also something that you do quite regularly. There's nothing better than abandoning everything, getting in the car and going to do something better. But Macdonalds and toys r us? Really not my sort of thing I'm afraid. And if you're boring then so am I and that's just fine by me!
Thanks Kim. I think I made a sensible choice! I don't mind it as a treat, but it doesn't make me any less fun. Maybe we are rather boring then?
Thanks Natalie. It's not my thing either. It would be a nightmare for me! We do so much and in lots of fun ways. Ok, I'm not overly spontaneous but that's the teacher/dpd in me. I like routine, schedules and plans. But saying tht some of our best days this year have been spontaneous ones!
From reading your posts I think you are doing a brilliant job!
I think you made the right decision.
Just because you didn't take up your friends offer, doesn't make you boring.
Your kids are happy, so sod what everyone else thinks :)
Thanks Jayne! I think the same! I think it was a bit of a crazy idea anyway! We do plenty of fun things. So I dint mind really!
Hi Martyn, I probably wouldn't have gone either - when you say "yes" to a bigger set of long term priorities you automatically say "no" to short term "wins" like the scenario you described. Or course there's a time and place for treating our kids, but to me, going on a whim to a fast food joint and a toy shop is more of a break for the parents than a treat for the kids! #Bigfatlinky
Im with you on this one. I cant see anything fun about McDonalds and definately not ToysRus, that place is hell on earth. I feel that is lazy parenting too, it involves very little effort in it, and no real engagement with the children. Nothing boring about saying no to that. #bigfatlinky
I think I'd prefer to endure a zombie apocalypse than a visit to McDemons and toyz 'B' us! I'm like you on this front, only not as boring 😉 😂
I really don't think you can class a parent as boring for not wanting to fill their child with chemicals and then buy their affection. There is a time for spontaneity - say your friend had called and said let's scrap the routine and go for a picnic in the park or a walk on the beach etc. I love a wander around Toys R Us, but with children in tow, it sounds like torture! Thanks for hosting the #bigfatlinky
Debbie
I agree with Deb. If there is never a time you would have ditched what you were doing to go somewhere, that might make you a little boring, but the choices presented to you in this case were poor ones.
It really annoys me when people use 'boring' to describe someone just because they don't have the same likes or methods as they do. Furthermore, children like to have steadiness and structure from caregivers. Wildness & spontaneity are fine on occasion, but are overrated - children like to feel safe and secure. Those people who think that the reliable, steady people are less favoured by children (as suggested by your friend saying the boys would 'love you more') than the 'fun' ones are missing what is really important to children. Children do get excited by wild, 'fun' people, but the people they need & always return to are the steady, reliable ones with the structure. And children know those people are still fun, children are masters of finding fun in everything, they rely on adults to provide safety. #bigfatlinky
horrified by your friend's suggestion. Doesn't make you boring at all. love the picture quote about a 'truly rich man' too... #bigfatlinky
The scenario fills me with dread. I hope never to take my son to McD or similar place. Same goes for Toys R Us. Like you and your boys, we cook, bake and make and spend time outdoors. It makes both of s happier. It also creates long term good memories.
One of my parenting principles is avoiding troublesome areas, but which I mean: I don't give my toddler sweets hence I avoid shop floor tantrums, I don't play him cartoons hence I avoid him watching adverts and getting hooked on cartoon characters (and affiliated merchandise) etc I don't think my boy thinks I'm boring.
#bigfatlinky
Toy's r us is the kids version of Ikea for me - hell. I really hate going to both. Also McDonalds is terrible, so no you are not a boring parent, just a sensible one. I'd much rather stay at home playing with lego and bake. #bigfatlinky
McDonalds is a massive treat in our house! I don't think I'd add to the excitement by buying a toy for no reason! We are pretty strict when it comes to toys - we don't buy toys 'just because' - they're bought with pocket money, or earned by being really good on holiday. Or as a reward/treat for doing well at swimming etc. But holidays and swimming lessons don't happen too often so, when they do, its a real treat. Not just an expectation. This doesn't make you boring. It means you're teaching your children that material possessions are not the be-all and end-all of life :) #bigfatlinky
We don't eat McDonald's food but I would consider going out to lunch then go the toy store as a huge treat. That's what we do for the kids' birthdays actually. It's a really fun day for us but not something we do outside a birthday. Your lego & making something fun at home is what we get up to day to day as well. Thanks so much for hosting #bigfatlinky
I could not agree with you more and when the boys were young and I'd hear other parents saying to their children that if they were good they go to MacDonald's later, I would threaten a trip there if they were naughty ... well in my head at least! And how on earth does going out to buy something that you don't actually want or need but will be very overpriced mean you are having fun. Spontaneous presents are fabulous but I have never got the "going out to buy one,just because" scenario. So I guess that make me boring too. But ask the boys if they are happy and I know what answer you'll get. Ask them if they are angry because as parents we don't buy them stuff every day and I think you'll know the answer you'll get. Our family, boring? I don't think so. #bigfatlinky
A junk fueled trip to Toys R Us sounds like something I would avoid, may be one or the other as a very rare treat (though not at the moment as my eldest is 21 months). I'd much rather bumble around outside doing messy stuff than that to be honest. I reckon you made an excellent choice
Bit cheeky of your friend to judge your parenting like that, tbh. The reason you gave was a pretty decent one, and all the stuff you do in Home School sounds like a lot of fun. I'm sure they enjoy that more than a trip to have a not terribly nuce burger and a toy they probably won't play with after a week. (Now if it was Burger King, on the other hand...) #bigfatlinky
My worse nightmare! Fun would be go to the beach or park with a picnic. But then maybe I'm very boring too!Keep up the good work. Oh and my Mum never took me to either. I loved her with all my heart :-)
I have had this thought many many time and have even acted on this thought once or twice. The reality NEVER live up the to the fantasy you create in your head and normally always turns into a night mare with sugar crashing children and parents at breaking point. I am glad you made the right choice and no your not a boring parent your a realistic one.
We treated ours to a McDonald's lunch on friday after going to a museum. I would never call someone a boring parent though for not wanting to go, and as for "they'll love you more if you do", it's utter tripe! Think your "friend" was rather rude.
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