Tuesday 27 October 2015

Where is the Love?

I know some may think that I am incredibly naïve because I live in a happy little bubble where I try to shut out as much negativity as possible.
The truth is that I have been surrounded by negativity a lot and with that it creeps into you and can contribute to you feeling heavy and in a dark place. For me, I have been surrounded by so much that it dragged me down and allowed me to get so caught up in it to the point that it becomes soul destroying. So for now I try to avoid it as much as possible.

Recently I have seen a lot of negativity, hurt and abuse to others.
I know I can be silly and can joke and have fun with a little banter but I hopefully have never crossed the line and if I have then I usually profoundly apologise! Yet, I wouldn’t do it with people that don’t know me or that I don’t interact with.

However, I have seen negativity in Twitter threads, Facebook posts, pages and groups, in private groups, blog posts and comment, I have seen and received troll like comments from other bloggers, seen rudeness in real life, amongst friends and just random people being in the same place.
To be completely honest I am sick of it.

This year alone I have seen some horrendous things in the world: Abuse, physical and mental, death, child illness and death, fighting and war.
My life has been one where I have been confronted with some of the hardest parts in life that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

For some people though there doesn’t seem to be any boundaries.
For example: I have seen people joke about dead parents. For me this isn’t a joke. Not when you have stood there over the body of someone you have nothing but the deepest love for and around you everyone’s world is falling apart; to look at a parent and see the loss in their eyes of their life partner. So how can this be funny to joke about?

I have also seen people making fun of disabilities. Now, people who are close to me will know that I am happy to laugh at myself, at the things I can and cannot do. My world has brought humour to it and if I can joke about it then great! It is better than sitting feeling sorry for yourself. Yet, to see others making such remarks I find quite hurtful. If you ever have to live with the pain that some, including myself, live with then you wouldn’t find it funny. Or, like me, try and teach children that disability is just another different person because you know that when they grow up and have inherited the rubbish disease you live with that they will be accepting of it rather than fearful of others mocking it.
What is wrong with people that need to do this? I get to some extent that within groups that you get some mob mentality but truthfully, have some restraint and hold on to your dignity and be quiet.

It just makes me a little sad that I keep seeing it all around. This week alone has made me question where the love is. 

Quoting the song from the Black Eyed Peas
“Whatever happened to the values of humanity, whatever happened to the fairness and equality. Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity”

Stop it. I was brought up with the understanding “if you have nothing better to say then don’t say anything at all”
So instead of joining in I will remain quiet, unfollow threads, click posts that I don’t want to see, leave the groups if I am in them and abuse happens and continue to live in my apparent “Naïve little world”.

I think it’s quite nice here.
I thank people when they help me, follow me or just interact if they haven’t before. I will also carrying on sharing peoples work, positivity, and show that they are appreciated. I will also do what I normally do and go extra lengths to help people in need if they are struggling or just need any help that I think I can offer.

I understand that people aren't split between good and evil people but am a firm believer that it's our choices and actions that define us. For me I am happy to be trying to avoid the negative and live in the positive. 

What about you? Have you seen this? How do you cope? And, is it naive to believe that we can either all get along without being negative to one another? 


Claire Toplis said...

too right ! I am no standing for this either .

Claire Toplis said...

I was hounded in a thread and mocked the other year during my break down . true their are 2 sides but I had it said I was playing the victim and I wasn't

no more am I standing for their c r a p

Plutonium Sox said...

Oh Martyn, you're joining the happy clappy brigade!

Only joking, I quite agree and it's something we've chatted about before. There's nothing worse than bullying and doing it online doesn't make it ok.

That said, I read the heading and thought it was about your dating situation ;)

Kim Carberry said...

I live in my own little bubble...I hardly ever see the negativity but I tend to keep myself to myself so miss all the bad things. Which I am glad about. If anything negative does come my way I ignore it, block and delete.

Alan said...

I have to admit I haven't really noticed this. I'm a bit like Kim and in my own little bubble.

My other half says I'm antired social lol.

I normally put it down to other people's insecurity or low self esteem.

Great post Mr. K

Natalie Streets said...

Huzzah to happy little bubbles! Must be a sad world to live in to be so miserable that you feel the need to pull other people down.

I'm happy with my bubble, if anyone tries to burst it I just make the walls thicker :) it feels good to be nice, to put a smile on someone's face and give them a little boost.

Of course a gentle ribbing doesn't go amiss though ;-)

And LOL at Natalie Ray's comment!

Unknown said...

Great post buddy.
I was just having some of the same thoughts myself the other day, I don't know why people feel the need to be so mean and nasty all the time.
I've started to think there are two main reasons.
1) They themselves are hurting and have had people being mean to them. It doesn't make a lot of intrinsic sense but people who have been abused are significantly more likely to abuse others. You would think it would be the opposite but evidently we just tend to repeat behaviors we see.
2) The Internet has "buffered" us from realizing that there are real people on the other side of our computer and we say things we would never say to people in real life. Add to that, the fact written words can be misunderstood due to not having tone and voice inflection cues that we get from face to face contact.
Anyway, I hope you and your boys are well. Take care :)

Brian (LoCo Dad) Scott said...

You are so right! I see it too, and can totally relate to you. I too sit quietly and watch the negative posts and move right on past them. Once or twice I have gotten fed up and spoke up about it and called people out. It may have been wrong of me to do so, but no one else was doing it.

I too also have a disability, and feel ashamed of it at times. I try to joke and play it off, and have a sense of humor about it. I don't normally talk about it with people outside my circle of family and friends.
But anyways, sorry I've been away and not in the blog game for a bit. I do that from time to time.
But it's good to be back and see you guys again!

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks Claire. I'm glad I'm not alone!

Martyn Kitney said...

That's horrible! I've had similar and to be honest I know it reflects on others more than myself but it still isn't on.

Martyn Kitney said...

Haha Nat! I'm definitely not being happy clappy. I still enjoy the odd rant. Bullying is sick and I dislike how it's justified by many as being ok because they're looking at it from behind a screen. It's easy to see a large group turn because everything is pit out so publicly.

Haha I wish it was the case!

Martyn Kitney said...

I like to think I try to avoid these things but for some reason I see it everywhere and get a lot aimed at me too. I'd be quite glad to be away from it to be honest. I have been doing that though!

Frank said...

Unfortunately we live in an environment where negativity draws attention and being positive is just plain boring, especially in a Social Media environment. I've seen many threads on Facebook and Twitter and am surprised what people write. I'm all for humor and sarcasm but it's never malicious.

You can always unfriend or unfollow.

Keep smiling!

Tracey Abrahams said...

People are so quick to pour scorn on others. Jealousy and insecurities are sometimes the cause, putting others down to make themselves feel better. Sometimes people join in with these nasty threads because they feelnits better to be doing it than receiving it.
Im not that way inclined. I, like you believe if you csnt say something nice, you shouldnt say anything at all, and I try always to offer a kind word as I know how mich difference that makes when its offered to me.
You keep your happy bubble Martyn, the good people in the world will see it and thank you for it xx

Spectrum Mum said...

I don't think there is anything wrong than having strong values and standing up for what you believe in. I was also brought up to follow the phrase; if you can't say anything good don't say anything at all. I recently had quite a negative comment on a post and it was fantastic to see so many bloggers come out in support in their following comments. I think in general we have a great community! Well done for standing up and being counted. I hope someone would do that for my autistic son. Really great post!

Unknown said...

Some people Martyn, are just knobheads.
They are so unhappy, they insist on spreading their disgusting comments and bad attitude about in an attempt to look cocky or clever. Truth is, they are just as ridiculous as they make themselves look through their behaviour. Ignore, block and look the other way, leave the small minds to it!

Unknown said...

I'm the same as you. I understand that life isn't full of roses but I choose to spend my life away from toxic influences. I do love people and none of us are perfect but I'm all about the intent. I can't abide ill intent.

Martyn Kitney said...

You're right with the insecurity and self esteem it gives them a push to attack others.

Martyn Kitney said...

I agree. Must be horrible for them really to be like it.

I like my bubble too. It's lovely. And always nice to help others.

Natalie os just a trouble maker ;)

Becster said...

I'm feeling much the same. I am saddened by the world we live in and fear for the future. So I'm going to do the same as you, try to live in my little bubble and hope someone does;t burst it.

Martyn Kitney said...

It is sad! Don't know what people must be like to be like this!

Martyn Kitney said...

I think it's a good thing to spend your time away from it. I can't either....its horrid!

Martyn Kitney said...

100% agree!! And that's what I tend to do! Just infuriating that they think this is even acceptable?

Martyn Kitney said...

I think we do live and write within a good community that people will stick up for you in the negative....frustrating that it's the case!

Martyn Kitney said...

I think that there's a point between humour and sarcasm to rudeness and some enjoy just being bold and rude. I do tend to do that to people who I see doing it. Extract the bad where possible!

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks Tracey! I agree with you with all of it. My gappy bubble is nice to have!

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks Mike. Glad it's not only me thinking this.i think you're completely right with those points!

Martyn Kitney said...

I think sometimes people do need to speak out about it. It's unnecessary and needs to be stopped because people feel so at ease at doing it! I think that it's good for people like us to joke about the negative in our lives but it doesn't mean that others have that right either!

Steven Daws said...

It is so easy on social media, for people to say throw away comments without guilt or any repercussions. I have always tried to offer help and advice where I can, if I don't agree with something then you can say that in a constructive way.