As a Home Schooling parent our local Library is a brilliant resource; an abundance of resources and groups to enrich children’s lives.
Since starting Home School I have relied on the library and its
services to promote different areas.
Socially the Library holds several activities during the
week such as Lego and Book Club; both of which the boys attend. 
Then, probably obviously, the range of books available to
find, read and take out.
Each week the Boys choose one reading book for us to take
home and read at Bedtimes as well as in our reading corner.
This is where my praise stops!
On Monday we asked the Library Assistant if they could help us find some books for this term Topics.
After helping us the lady asked if we had an Education Library
Card.
She continued to tell us that the card would allow the Boys
to take 30 books out each and rather than having a limitation on renewing the
books every couple of weeks and it would also allow us to avoid receiving Adults
late fee as there were none set for that type of card.
Upon investigation it appeared that the Boys are already in receipt
of a card with their Mum. This would mean that no card could be issued as only
one card per family would be allowed.
I explained our family set up and dynamics; we can’t be the
first separated family that would like to access books.
Their rules were simple: One card per family.
Now before I go into this further I would like to have a
moment of rationality:
I can completely see why this would be a difficult dilemma
for the Library staff. They have an automated system that keeps records of
individuals and within that they can only have one person on file via their
D.O.B and name. Creating more than one account would allow numerous books to be
taken out and potentially lost.
They suggested that I could speak to the Boys Mum and ask that
I either have one of the Boys cards to use or alternatively that I ask her to
add me as part of her family.
But what if we were not amicable and communication was poor?
Isn’t the point of us separating a highlighting feature that we are no longer a
2.4 family?
Their response:
“Well if you’re not with the Mum and the Boys are you part
of the family?”
I have to admit that I was left speechless.
With the way families are made up you would expect a council
service to be open and available to different family set ups; not to stick to a
2.4 family arrangement.
I have a family that is made up of myself and the two Boys.
Their Mum has a family made up of herself, her Partner and the Boys. Two separate
families just with common family members. I think the big difference is the adult
and family address, not necessarily the Date of Birth.
The conversation had come to a close. Each side had met at a
stalemate position.
The Library couldn’t issue me an Education Card because on
their system the Boys are already part of a family; a family that I am not a
part of. I could have an individual card and with that withdraw books under my
name for the Boys but they will have the normal lease time, can only be renewed
a few times and will be fined, per book, if returned late. The only option I
have is to seek permission from the Boys Mum to be part of their family.
I will be honest and say that I am not actually that
bothered about having the card. In the last 18 months we have accessed the
Library services and not needed the extra benefits.
The part that has left me with utter disgust is their stance
on family set-ups; ultimately their view that Single Dads will not have service
rights to provide books for their children as a “normal” family would, if the
mother has a registered account with them.
Why then would a supposed “modern” Government and Council
have a system in place that promotes, yet again, a Mothers priority within a
families rather than equal parenting? Shouldn’t Single Dad’s be recognised as a
head of a separate family unit?
I will be writing to my MP to see their stance!
What do you think? Am I overreacting or are you shocked with
this archaic set-up? How would Single Mum's feel if they were told they weren't part of their children's family?
40 comments:
I think that is absolutely disgraceful - especially the comment about you being part of the family. That is something that really needs changing - NOW!
I think to be told you are not a part of the family is offensive and incomprehensible - especially in this day and age, when a 2-parent family with 2.4 children and a picket fence is no longer the norm.
A possible way around it: could you ask the boys' mum to amend her card so that she only lists one of the boys under her card? Then you could get a card listing the other child... not sure if that fits in with their rules though. What a load of arse.
That's so rude! I know my friend who was a single dad from a separated relationship (he's just remarried recently) often had trouble with different things because he was in that situation. Thankfully his relationship was amicable with his ex-partner but as you say what if it wasn't amicable. When you write your MP I would send it to the head of the library service too.
I would be livid! It's a massive insult to people who aren't classed as 'normal families' and I can name very few who fall into that group.
You are very lucky that you on good terms with their mum and could ask to be put into the system as a part of the family but you shouldn't have to.
I know many single mums and none their children's dads would even take them to the library let alone me their main educator like you.
My local library have a card for each child which allows them to take out up to 15 books each with no late fees. Your council/library seriously needs to rethink and update their system.
Books and education are such an important thing in a child's life and to be denied that just because you aren't a 2.4 family is just ridiculous!
I don't think you are overreacting at all...I hope you kick up a fuss because it is disgraceful!
Absolutely outrageous! A letter should be in order. I think the librarian is simply parroting what the "procedures" are but they should be passing on feedback to make changes to such outdated procedures.
Thanks Rachel. I thought so too. I can be reasonable and rational with elements of it but it shouldn't make a shred of difference. One adult and a different address, therefore a different family. Hopefully I can get it changed.
I agree totally. I get that according to their system there is a set-up that creates difficulties bit families are so varied now that something more flexible must be put into place.
I have spoken to their mum. It's a good thing we can communicate. She was just as outraged as I because she could see it was the boys who would suffer. I'm sure we can get around it together but that shouldn't be necessary.
Thanks Hannah. It's terrible, I know a lot of different single dads that have had difficulty in different areas for similar reasons. It's silly that we live in a modern well with outdated structure.
Thanks! I agree, the fact that their mum and I can resolve it shouldn't be on the books in the first place. I know my set up with home school and access is unique but that shouldn't stop it.
The Library as I say above is an integral part of our education. It's a necessity to use that resource taht is being clearly limited to a situation.
Thanks Kim. I did worry that I was a bit considering it's a "system error" and backed by ignorant staff but ultimately it shouldn't be the case. I will kick up a fuss about it, don't you worry!
That's exactly it. A person following procedure limited my an outdated system.
Oh my goodness! I would be livid. It's good that you and their mum CAN communicate and have come to an arrangement but you're right, you shouldn't have had to and their should be more flexibility. Well done for highlighting this issue.
Blooming bonkers what if mum was a long way away !
How ridiculous! Their views on what does or does not make someone a part of a family is both outdated and ignorant. Lucky you and the boys Mum have a good relationship but sadly that is not the case for everyone and it will only be the boys who suffer the libraries flawed system. I am interested to hear what your MP has to say and will do about this!
I actually gasped out loud when I read what she said to you..It's disgusting and your so right that you would expect a council run service that deals with different family sets up day in day out would be more accommodating!!
I can't believe that they actually asked you that?! Im gobsmacked!
I think that's incredibly offensive and I would be fuming if it were me. I think I would be wanting to speak to someone higher up the chain, so to speak. I also think the person who spoke with you need some training with regard to how they treat the public and different family set ups. I'd be interested to hear what happens if you follow it up too - good luck.
I was livid. We can come to an arrangement but to be honest I'm not going to for a bit. I'm wanting this to resolved because it's a rubbish thing to happen.
That's a great point. Hadn't thought of that. It's completely crazy that it should be an option.
Thanks. I agree it's completely outdated and irrelevant. I think the fact that we have a good relationship shouldn't be a set standard for them, there are many dad's who I know who wouldn't have this option. I agree that ultimately it's the boys that suffer in this situation, something we would expect to be different. I am too. Will keep you updated.
Thanks Ami. It's appalling, really is. How they can justify it is beyond me! I can rationalise it for them but that just shows the stupidity of their outdated system and plans.
I know,right? Completely crazy that it's even an option to suggest. 2 families, clearly laid out but not because of metric they go by!
Thanks Kate. I totally agree. The sad thing is that the librarian that I spoke to consulted their manager and they agreed that there is no option. 1 card for 1 family only. And my situation doesn't class me in that family. I will go above them though and contact the council and seek it to be resolved higher. I can understand that they can only go by what the system allows but that shouldn't be the case. It's out dated and restrictive and need changing. I will keep you all informed with how I get on.
I read this with my mouth open! I don't understand why they can't resolve this or didn't really attempt to as they just dismissed you. I didn't realise that parenting was on a first come-first served basis in the local community! This is the 21st century we live in, and this is offensive, discriminative, and ridiculous. Remember to keep us informed!
Thanks Janet! I didn't realise it either! I would like to think that a system would be more upto date to come withe diverse families. Don't worry, I'll let you all know what happens.
This was appallingly handled and such a strange system and stance, too. As you say, it's hardly an unusual position that you're in, so it's hard to believe there's not a way around it. I hope you get some satisfactory answers.
At the least this is a poorly written policy and a crass statement made by a librarian. At the worst, I think it is a mysandrist approach that disadvantages men over women. I am, however, inclined to think it is the former, not the latter.
I suspect the policy SHOULD read "one card per household". This would remedy the problem and nobody would be discriminated against. This, however, is a local authority issue not a Central Government matter. I'd write to your councillor, CCing the head of the local authority's library service.
I would also be asking how the policy would be applied to foster / adoptive families. If a child is transitioning between two different family set ups, would the library seriously disadvantage that child by refusing to issue both households a library card? I suspect the rules would be applied differently in this situation. You could argue your case that you should also have the same right.
Libraries have to rely on commercially available software, and unfortunately that can be very inflexible. However that is really no excuse, because it doesn't mean there can't be a work around - I can think of two ways around it using our Symphony library system immediately.
Definitely contact the Library Manager - they can put pressure on their software provider to update the program to allow for various real-world scenarios!
Thanks. I am sure there's a way around it if they tried. I think the way it was handled does come down to staff rather than system. Which admittedly is a shame.
I think you're correct on that and it's the first one. That does however not excuse the situation.
I am also in agreement that the policy should read per household and not as per family. This, in my opinion, is reinforced by the fact that they don't use address as a staring point within the search system. I will be doing exactly that with my local MP and the library manager.
That is a great stance and one I hadn't thought of. And once again another reason to back this outdated system in what is blended and mixed family set ups.
Thank you. I agree with the flaw of they system being inflexible. But it's good to know that there would be from your point of view ways around it. I will be contacting them further to resolve it.
What a crazy experience. How rude is this! I hope something is done because thats a load of crap and makes me annoyed you were treated in that way. How crazy! Angela
Sometimes the person should question the system, not just follow. A lot of times, people just throw their hands up in the air and just say "I just work here" but I believe anyone can make a difference if they cared enough. Thanks for sharing with #abitofeverything
I can see both sides as I've worked in a public library and had to administer these kinds of collections. I would have just explained the policy whilst acknowledging that a one size fits all solution isn't always the best thing. There will always be someone who ends up being caught out and I'm sorry it was you.
I'm guessing the main reason they've said one card per family is because if you can borrow up to 30 books at a time, an awful lot of books could be lost before it got to the stage of cancelling the cards and that impacts everyone. (Particularly if they go through all the books on a popular topic like Romans). Library money is tight, non-fiction is particularly expensive. Sadly, it may have been different in the past and this policy is due to one or two people spoiling it for everyone. (Been there done that and had to explain to an angry customer as well!)
I don't think you are overreacting at all. I can see the point to having limits on the amount of books a family can take out, but I think its absurd that the children can only be included in "one family." It also sounds like the librarian could use some lessons in how to explain things.
Wow, of all the family set ups in this country, aside from the 2.4 family I'd say yours is the most normal, so the fact that they see it as being abnormal and a huge issue concerns me a lot. It's not unusual for kids to be in 2 different families, imagine if you had a child in another relationship, it would be like saying that the boys are not part of that family. It's slightly offensive to the parent, but I imagine could be VERY upsetting to the children.
I agree with Jon about the one card per household, it would make sense to be that way and to politely remind separated families that the library resources can get stretched if too many books are taken out on one subject. Most people would be happy with that reminder.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. It was an incredibly tone deaf response to what should be a simple matter of simply issuing a duplicate card. That way the limit still stands but both parents can use the card for the children.
On a wonk point, as it is a local authority matter it may be more for your county or district councillor before escalating to an MP (who may well bump you back to the council anyway). As a public sector organisation the library should be responsiblenough for meeting the public sector equality duty. In your case the y appear to have failed to do so with a failure of imagination or sensitivity.
#abitofeverything
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One work-around would be a duplicate card (even just laminated colour photocopy!). You have one copy, their mother has the other. That way both cards are accessing one borrower with the associated limits, so there's no "double dipping".
Can their system enter more than one Guarantor field in the child's Registration, or is it programmed to only allow one entry?
Hope you (and others) can get it sorted - you have certainly have legitimate concerns!
Loan limits are certainly involved. Locally, we had a woman join five fictitious children. When we realized what had happened, her brazen explanation was (a) her real kid had multiple overdues, so could not borrow for an assignment, and (b) by borrowing every dinosaur book in the system her kid could submit an excellent assignment while other kids would get lower grade than her kid because they wouldn't have an library books to help them!
Of such weirdness are library restrictions born...
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