Turning 35 and What I have learnt this last year

Today I turn 35.

I wanted to mark today here on the blog and I thought I would recap the year from being 34 to turning to 35.

I was 34 when I first met my sister. The meeting went well; we got on, had lots in common and have met since. The strangest thing for me is being around someone who looks like me when I haven’t for 34 years! I have always had people remark how much I look like my brother or my Mum (Adopted) but it has always been easy to dismiss it as “characteristics and expressions” rather than likeness by knowing the truth that we looked nothing alike.

It brought a lot of closure on what had been a long journey to trace and find them. Yet, it also made me take on the mantel of “big brother” rather than being the baby of the family. Although it was a challenge to get my head around it I also felt like it was a role that I was made for and it fitted so perfect; something that has blossomed since.

I saw my FSHD specialist who was astounded by the fact that I am stable and doing well; he even remarked that "Your actual ability against your level of disability always surprises me. There's not any more I really need to say". Having this, despite many hard days throughout the year, was a boost that I needed.

January this year I finished my therapy to help me through my DPD and it has shown me that I am able, capable and strong to carry on with everything I do and still carry the weight of having a personality disorder.

After turning 34 I decided, under the support of my Therapist, to venture back into dating. The first experience  was nice and showed me that I was ready to get back into dating even when it didn’t mean wedding bells at the end but that also showed me that when the moment was right it would be the right time.

I have seen this year how much I am loved and supported and that is something that I feel I have missed in other years before.

This year the boys and I have had a really good and organised time together and their mum and I have made each month work for both of us; even if we have had to swap the odd bit around. This has allowed the introduction of 1:1 weekends and for me to grow the relationship with the boys together and individually.

Earlier this year some negativity and drama flitted around me. Although no direct name was used there was a rumour and subsequent article flying around based on some lies that may or may not have been about me; whichever way, it was seen publicly to be about me. Following this I also had a lovely trolling with the attempt to “take me down” because of what I have “done” and because of the “type of person” that I am. It was an extremely hard time for me; in fact, one of the hardest periods of my life that I have experienced in many years.

All of that said, I felt the love; so many people stepped up and forward to defend me, to say their part against any accusations, befriended and supported me through the storm and to dismiss what presumptions were made. To go through something like that may be the darker and harder part of online life but the love of the community was outstanding in comparison.

I had support and love from family, friends and from people who saw the good in me. I never imagined that I would have had that let alone the fact that people would show me that much love.

Not long after that I found more love. From picking myself and the pieces of the previous months up and moving forward one of my long lasting friendships (almost 3 years in fact) turned into the start of a romantic relationship.

My therapist 6 months earlier said I was ready, the fact that I tried and had some success but held on to hope and soldiered on and found it showed the readiness and acceptance that I could be loved again in that way.

The relationship since then has blossomed and continued to grow. This would be the first relationship that I have been in for my birthday in 6 years and I can’t imagine anyone better to share that with.

This last year has also made me step up and take on a more adult and serious role by looking after my dad whilst battling through Prostrate Cancer and now through Throat Cancer. It isn’t something that is easy for anyone to go through but, again, the outpouring of love and support has been outstanding and I know that I can be all that I need to be with the people around me.

So what has turning 35 brought and taught me?

The understanding that I am strong and capable both mentally and physically to do anything but ultimately to be just me and be happy about it. It has shown that I can grow in other personal areas such as being a brother and a son. And, finally, it has shown me that I am loved by my boys, family, friends and by my partner.

With all that in mind I don’t think turning 35 is all that bad! For now, I am off for cake with the Boys, then a steak dinner tonight and enjoy the evening with the person I love.