Father's Day: Simple Pleasures with Royal Mail

A day that many enjoy is coming and it always makes me feel a little bitter sweet; Father’s day. A day to celebrate being a dad or at least it is meant to be.

Royal Mail did a survey about Father’s Day and came back with some interesting answers!

 “Simple pleasures such as a meal out with the family, hugs from their children and receiving a Father’s Day card are the top three ways to make the perfect Father’s Day, according to new research from Royal Mail. 

·         But, despite these findings, its survey of 2,000 UK dads found that they were most likely to receive generic gifts such as beer (32 per cent), socks (29 per cent) and aftershave (24 per cent) this Father’s Day. And, if previous experience is anything to go by, around one in four (23 per cent) can expect a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug for the shelves this June 17!”

William was born in 2009 and becoming a dad was an amazing thing. What I thought and what life was actually like was a wake-up call to a reality that I don’t think anyone could prepare me for.

When James was born in 2011 I thought I had “mastered” this parenting thing only to find that he wasn’t going to be exactly that same as Will. What worked for one definitely didn’t work for another; this was a whole new parenting game and, once again, taught me more to be a dad that a “zoo keeper” of just making sure that they were fed, watered and happy.

It was shortly after James was born that their mum and I separated. I look back now and openly admit that I wasn’t the husband, father or man that I should have been and it has only taken time and hindsight to realise that.

In many ways separating from their mum allowed me to grow and become the man that I am today. Yet, single dad life was, once again, a shock realisation.

The time and access that I had with the boys were limited and varied. It was a mix between words and actions as adults towards each other, just like most have when they first separate, my attitude to what “being a dad” was and my own physical and mental struggles and difficulties at the time.

This isn’t in anyway an excuse. I acted, quite often, in a way that makes me feel ashamed now. How could I ever do that?

Over that time the co-parent relationship, one solely based on what is right for the children, grew and we have something together as parents that I am extremely proud off. There had to be give and take on both sides and I know that the boys mum would agree there. A few years ago I even suggested that she could write a post about it and however hard it was to read, from my point of view, you see that there was real struggle, hurt and anguish becoming the team that we are now.

Father’s day and celebrating such a day was out the window for some time. If I didn’t have that day down when we scheduled which days we would have then I would go without seeing them. I would see other dads celebrating and I would feel a bit lost.

It carried on. When William was at school in his first year parents, especially dads, were invited in to take part in Father’s day crafts. He wanted to take his stepdad and yet, with support from their mum, I went instead and whilst we were there all William spoke about was how “S” would love what we were making. He didn’t realise it, of course he wouldn’t, but it hurt.

It is no surprise then that Royal Mail found out that:

 “When fathers are unable to be with their children in person on the day, a Father’s Day card was the most valued way for children to show their love for their dads – selected by 28 per cent of respondents. This is followed by a video call (22 per cent) and a phone call (20 per cent).

·         Those who preferred a card did so because it was more personal and because they could keep it. In fact, seven out of ten dads have kept some or all of the Father’s Day cards they have received from their children. 

·         When asked what would make them happiest in general, four in 10 fathers selected receiving a Father’s Day card or handmade Father’s Day present, and 34 per cent opted for quality time with their children.”

When times were difficult here I can see why these were many of the dad’s chosen choices.

It took us between 3 to 4 years to get to grips with our situation and yet cards made at nursery went home to the “other dad”. This is the man that I am happy with being the boys step dad so there isn’t anything resentful towards him but there was still a tug at my heart. 

Then it changed.

I received a homemade card from William. That was all but the gesture had me in tears. The following year I received an actual card from both of the boys and, again, this really touched me. I finally felt like I was their dad.

Last year was the best for me; I received 2 homemade cards and a chocolate orange from the boys and Hannah spoiled me by getting a canvas of my favourite photo of the boys made.

7 years on from being a dad to both boys and I can see the change that I have made in my life and as a person. Do I think I am a great dad? Of course not! I am now resigned in knowing that parenting is eternally a learning curve, I have to adapt and change to be a new man and importantly, being a dad isn’t about receiving a card for Father’s day but what you do as a father.

Royal Mail’s results found that:

Top five Father’s Day gifts, as chosen by British dads:

1.     A meal out with the family

2.     Hugs from the children

3.     Receiving a Father’s Day card

4.     Spending quality time with their children

5.     A walk in the countryside with their children

When I saw the top 5 I could totally relate. Presents, cards, meals out are definitely now something that I enjoy but the time and personal approach is the thing that gets to my heart.

Mark Street, Head of Campaigns at Royal Mail commented: “This study shows that, when it comes to Father’s Day, it’s the personal touch that counts. All UK dads really want is quality time with their families and a lasting reminder of their children’s love. If you can’t be there with them in person, sending a Father’s Day card with a personal message and picture is a great way to show your dad that you are on their mind, and that you care about them.”

With all of that in mind, little (and big!) ones around the nation are reminded to post their letters and cards with enough time to spare for Father’s Day. The last posting date for 1st Class stamps is Friday 15 June 2018.

For me, when I sit with the boys, even in the run up to Father’s day, and they want to draw me a picture,  something personal from them, show how they feel about me and just laugh and enjoy the moment is the real gift that I want.

(This was a collaborative post. My opinions and photos are my own and I am under no obligations to give a positive review. Please see my full disclosure at the bottom of my blog)