Thursday, 4 June 2020

Wrong Focus

I’ve been reflecting more on last year.

I’ve said so many times how hard it was for us.

However, as I said in my last post, hindsight is amazing.

I read an article about how to face problems when you’re a) in a crisis and b) in a “storm".

One of the points raised was whilst you’re in the centre of the storm it is easier to focus on what is coming at you than around you.

The analogy: You’re crossing a road on your lunch break, you look up and you see a car driving towards you. You don’t have time to move out of the way. All you see and know is that you’re in trouble.

It discussed the fact that the one thing that is “real" in that moment is the car and the danger. The things we know in life that are real such as, what we were planning on getting for lunch and who is around goes out of the window.

Hindsight shows that all I was concentrating on was what was coming at me.

I don’t know if it’s a reflection of the type of person that I am or the intensity of the storm I was in but I didn’t focus on things around me.

Social media

My social media presence pretty much died.

There were times when I just couldn’t bring myself to tweet or post a photo.

How can you post photos on Instagram of something great when everything else feels like it’s failing? It just felt disingenuous.

There was a time when Twitter was “my place”. I would muck around, have a variety of Twitter friends and you would find me in one thread or another or even having a “gif off".

Yet, like Instagram, it pretty much stopped.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk there. I did. I just found it difficult.

Yet, in many ways it changed how I used Twitter. All scheduled Tweets stopped and ended up just popping on for my own purposes.

Obviously that’s impacted a few things. For example, I did have 15k followers. Now, upon writing this, I have 13.9k but to be completely honest, I really don’t care.

Follow me or don’t follow me. Interact with me or pass me by. It doesn’t matter.

I’ve almost gone backwards and am solely using Social media to be social rather than promoting XYZ.

The Blog

There was a time when I would post pretty much each day. I would write upon topical points to get views. I would section my blog out and make sure I wrote for each section to gain views.

My priorities changed.

I didn’t have the time, energy or want to carry on with it.

Yet, as I’ve written before, I am a persistent blogger. The “blogger” inside me was and is still alive; I still want to write and log my thoughts.

I feel like I’ve gone back to the beginning. Writing and sharing what’s “Inside Martyn’s Thoughts” without the fuss that goes with it.

Sometimes I share via Facebook or Twitter but not all the time. If people read it then great, if not then it isn’t a big deal.

To be honest looking back I don’t think that’s been the purpose of my blog for quite a few years now.

Something that Tim and I have discussed multiple times over the years.


So I can’t really blame this on last year; it just didn’t help maintain it.

My Friends

This is something that I struggle with.

I’m not great at making and keeping friends.

I have them but I can count on one hand those I can completely trust and class as a “true friend”.

Going through one of the worst moments in your life you need your friends to support you but it impacts the relationship.

Like the analogy at the top, you’re concentrating solely on the issue and all you’re doing is talking about yourself.

You become inadvertently selfish.

I know that looking back I wasn’t solely selfish and I did try to talk about other things than my troubles and ask how they were.

I didn’t do it enough though.

I know it was always about my problems and I rarely helped them with theirs.

As my closest friends they understand the pressure and struggle but that doesn’t mean we had a balanced “relationship”.

I’ve found out stuff since that I am gutted I missed last year.

In many cases I feel like I’ve let them down. Whilst I was concentrating on my issues I missed maintaining my friendship.

I know what people will say “If they’re truly your friends then they’ll understand”. Yet, phrases like “burning bridges” or “Hurt the ones you love” come to mind.

In comparison to social media and blog this is something I care about.

It is something that I’ve been trying to rectify by making sure I’m always reaching out to connect with them.

Overall, looking back it is clear that last year impacted so many different areas of my life. Many of which I want to rectify.

The last time I had a “stormy" year was 9 years ago which totally reshaped the life I have and lead now. I am yet to see if last year has too.

Is it common then to be inadvertently selfish in those times? Is it possible to rectify the mistakes where necessary?

1 comment:

Plutonium Sox said...

Haha, thanks for the mention. I remember that conversation! I think it's true that decent friends will always be there even if you haven't got time for them. One day you will reach out to them and they'll be there, pushing your sorry arse around a marathon course...