Saturday, 29 January 2022

The Flaw in the Plan

I've spoken a lot over the years about my Mum. 

I, of course, was a massive Mummies boy. So it isn't surprising that I have. However, she did have her flaws. 

Mum was a strong woman. Physically and mentally. She was the epitome of a "Matriarch". 

Her years working in the army, particularly within the Royal Engineers, meant that many of her actions were with militarily precision. 

Mum's roll in the Army changed over the years but it was mostly admin work. Her exemplary work and commitment was even rewarded by her superiors and she received a commendation for service and commitment by the Queen; a massive highlight from the royalist that she was. 

Before she died, Mum organised and compiled a legal case against Tesco’s following an accident she had and did so with very little legal support; something the Judge at the time praised especially when it was more than the opposition. 

Finally, she planned my wedding to the boys Mum like it was one of her Army campaigns including my Stag Night.

The above doesn't even cover her formidable nature where she was named "The Tank" by my Secondary Teachers; something she loved.

There was just no stopping her. A woman who set an example to others, lead her way on her own merits and showed the world that she could compete with any man; something which her wordplay would have men in stitches or tongue tied in the pubs she worked in.

This woman's organisation skills and actions were even in play before she died including planning Dad’s funeral. Dad suffered a near fatal heart attack months before. After multiple heart attacks, various types of surgery, years of heavy smoking, drink and unhealthy eating his death seemed to be inevitable.

But that isn't what happened. Instead, not even 24 hours after talking about these plans, she died.

You see, she always imagined that she would outlive Dad.

The woman who didn't take a day off work sick for 40 years, was unstoppable. A woman, although in a larger build, ate healthily and was always on the go. It just wasn't meant to be this way round.

This flaw meant everything switched

Dad was left with everything. The house, the money, the plans that were in place and the life to carry on for their children and grandchildren.

On Dad's passing, seeing and knowing the mess we are in, the striking flaw in this woman's life is one that's coming back to bite us.

I mentioned in a previous post how things changed last year regarding the Will and Estate of my parents. It left me in a difficult situation with very little involvement.

Dad was never good with all this stuff. He was never good with money, was always buying things that were unnecessary like Solar Panels, Aerodynamic water heating system, Air Con panels and a new, far too expensive, car. This doesn't then include his continued lifestyle habit of smoking 40 a day; even then once the dementia set in he smoked much heavier because he always forgot when his last one was.

When it came to paperwork, solicitors and legal matters that was down to mum. Dad, although a musical and mathematical whizz was barely literate and could barely write.

No one had expected it. Everyone knew what a liability he was and could be. Everyone knew he would be lost without Mum and everyone tolerated a lot because that was who he was but no one expected Dad to outlive Mum.

So with everything going on I am left angry and upset with her. The woman who planned everything allowed her arrogance and naivety to not take into account that 40 years constantly on her feet, active and healthy wouldn't suffer health problems after retiring. All resulting in her getting a blood clot and dying.

I know we can't predict what life brings and I'm not angry at that. Just more that she left us to deal with something that didn't have counter measures.

I've spoken to family members who were close to her and they do reassure me that mum made her plans air tight so I shouldn't worry but they do admit they're aware of Dad's behaviour and actions so it does leave me questioning that if she couldn't plan for this what else did she not plan for?

The current situation, as it is, seems to be a potential shitshow.

She always made sure that she would cover and care for us but I've got to question if she's looking down at us and regretting the mess that we are in. I just hope that I'm wrong and she was more the woman I knew rather than the one who has made such a glaring flaw. 

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