A Positive School Meeting

Two weeks ago I wrote about an incident with a staff member at Arty’s school. A week later, after my complaint, I met with the Head teacher. It wasn’t the best day. Miss L, offered to move the meeting but I wanted it done.

My nerves weren’t just about Arty or what happened that morning. After eighteen months of fighting for James, I knew school meetings can turn against you fast. I’ve watched schools hide mistakes rather than fix them. I’ve seen the system break my child. Those experiences entered this room with me.

This meeting felt different. They had a staff member take notes because I cannot. That alone was a small victory after everything that happened with James’ school.

We started with Arty. Four years of school and negative behaviour patterns meant this wasn’t unfortunately a new situation for him, despite him being significantly better now. We reviewed his four exit passes for movement breaks, regulation time out of class, sensory uniform adjustments, and early exits to avoid crowds. The last one was the one that caused the incident. Four passes are too much. If staff cannot understand them, how can he? I suggested a two‑card system. Yellow for school‑based actions. Red for dysregulation. A simple system that helps staff respond and keeps Arty accountable too. Miss L liked the idea but will speak to the SENCO.

Then we moved to the phone call.

Miss L apologised. Their calls are recorded for staff safety, accountability, and training. She listened to the call and was not happy.

She explained the school policy. If a call becomes difficult, staff must stop and book a meeting with the parent and the child’s head of year. This didn't happen.

The staff member asked for my wife. She didn’t acknowledge me answering instead of Hannah, but launched straight into her agenda. No greeting, no recognition of who she was speaking to, and no awareness of my disability, Arty’s profile, or his exit passes.

The Head heard me respond politely saying, “Miss, I have listened to you. Can you let me finish my sentence?” She heard me say “Miss” repeatedly while her staff member cut off me again and again, escalated the situation, ignored my attempts to ground the call, patronised me, and said “ok” when I asked for senior staff, as if she was untouchable. Miss L heard my distress and how it grew. It wasn’t ok. There was no empathy or apology.

She said the call broke school policy and staff expectations. She didn’t say it broke the SEND Code of Practice, but she didn’t need to. I said it in my complaint. She knew it.

I gave four possibilities to why it happened.

1. Implicit ableism (I experience this daily).

2. Gender bias (As Dad I’m not the regular parent that discusses Arty).

3. Power imbalance (Staff vs parent)

4. A combination of any and all above.

Miss L nodded at the power imbalance. It was possible, but I asked her to ask one question. Did she know I am disabled? If she did, then ableism is part of this, whether complicit or implicit. If she didn’t, then she failed in her pastoral role to Arty and in her actions to me. Either answer is bad.

The head then raised something I didn't know. This staff member never contacted a senior staff member to call me. I waited all day before sending my complaint in, I sought a fair process, but nothing happened. Miss L wasn’t happy. She praised me for my patience and how my experience as an ex-teacher helps them. I hold them to best practice. This was nice. I have always found it difficult to balance the role. I see what they should do, but as a parent, I see too much of what they are not doing.

She was right. If Hannah answered, Arty would have had a detention. No one would know the staff member mishandled the situation and the phone call or that the policies and profiles were ignored. I, however, know what should happen and what was wrong. This allows them to improve.

So, what now?

I asked for specific outcomes. The staff member needs Disability‑informed training, policy training, pastoral training, and a review of how this was handled. I wasn’t seeking her to be sacked, but I asked for this to be recorded on her file. If it happens again, a pattern forms. Miss L agreed. She also wants to arrange another situation between her and me to see if things are handled better. I am weary. I also asked for all staff to be reminded of Arty’s profile. He’s a young carer and child who deals with my health. A bad day for me means a bad day for him. Staff should know this alongside his SEN profile and family history.

Miss L then surprised me.

She wants the staff member to write a written apology. The type of apology that they expect from a child when they have done wrong. She also wants to use the call recording in staff training and address and shine a light on the wider issue of rushed calls that create unhealthy conflict.

Half term has passed. I expect the written apology, transcript, and a way forward to be here soon. When it arrives, I will update you. For now, this was a productive and positive school meeting.