Competition

I have been reading some great posts on the blogging circuit at the moment on Co-Parenting.

There are so many different styles, if it is full time single parents to parents who split the child's access equally.

I am lucky that I am part of the latter group. I couldn't be happier that I have as much access to my two boys as I currently do. But it hasn't always been that easy. I went from some parenting to no access, to some access again and finally the equal 50/50 split. The most important thing here is to stay calm and communicate but saying that I also know it is far easier said than done.

The problem is that when children are involved in a split you have a massive emotional link with your ex partner, one that routes straight to expressive raw emotions. That is why it is good to communicate because if you didn't you are losing sight of what is important; the well being of the child or children.

Even now though I struggle, even if we don't argue and communicate well, because it is tempting to slip into a completion way of thinking.

What have they been doing? How are they? if they're well does that mean that they are having more fun with them than you?

Silly really when you list it like that but it is an honest truth.

With Christmas quickly approaching it, again, is easy to fall into the competition trap. What can I do to make them happy with me? Can I buy better presents?

But you have to step back and remember it is about the kids.

So many single parents, dads and mums, go without seeing their children over Christmas, which is devastating, and I am lucky that I have never experienced it. But I still want to do well and show myself as being a good parent.

But step back and think directly about your children, it isn't about money and buying the biggest best present, it is knowing your child directly and subsequently buying specifically for them. That is what is important. You might not gain brownie points for have a fancy Christmas but in the long run you will see your children playing and engaging with those toys for the next year, allowing them to grow further into a unique individual. Most importantly playing, as well as knowing, that their parent loves them and accepts them fully. My plea then is this. Don't compete, don't argue, sit and take a breath and think directly about your child. If this is still difficult calmly talk and communicate with your ex and make sure you remember that it is time for Family and Loved ones so centralise your Christmas around that and enjoy it.

It is a time of year, for all single parents to stop arguing and competing and just love the gift that you gave each other through your greatest gift, your children.

It's time to change your story. Stop trying to make history and start changing the future.