Angry Dad

I was chatting to my friend recently discussing his current work life and he decided, like a good courteous friend, to return the question.

I answered, automatically, that my teaching of Piano was OK but you could say it was quiet compared to the rest of my days work.

With a puzzled look he said “Other Work, What are you doing now then?”

My response was simple; I said I mean in comparison to being a Stay at Home Dad.

We spoke briefly on the topic at which point he raised a view that I have heard before;

“It must be difficult being a Stay at Home Dad; you must lose your patience with them and shout a lot more than their Mum would”

Although I am completely used to it now, it got me thinking:

Are we, as Dads, expected to be the angry, uncontrollable, parent?

 

I really don’t know if we are or not.

We all have that side of us where we can become short tempered. Be it; if we are tired from a long day at work and we come home rather irritable and met with a, possibly but expected, tired stressed Mummy and a Child who is swinging from the roof tops, Or because for the 17^th time that day we have tidied the same room after the destruction that is our children. Even my personal favourite; answering the same question repeatedly because you are dealing with an argumentative and inquisitive child.

I have spoken in a previous post on how I deal with my personal favourite.

I am also, as I have mentioned before, a Scrunchy parent so try my hardest to promote a relaxed environment that would rather deal with quiet reflective time outs than shouting and aggression.

All this being said it still isn’t easy. There are moments that I really do take a deep breath and walk away.

As a teacher I picked up ‘tips’ that I carried on through to my parenting; I am aware though that all parents pick this up at some point.

1. The Look

Oh if you have an inquisitive child that likes to get into everything then you will have ‘the look’. The look that signifies that you have caught them in the wrong situation possible and that you clearly have no words to describe or even talk rationally to them. The ‘Look’ is more powerful than a 100 words.

2. The Presence

I really do not know how this works. I believe that this may work in conjunction with ‘The Look’ but I haven’t done enough research to really tell you. The principle of ‘the presence’ is just the fact that you are there. I will stand in a room, with my arms crossed, and it is like the unveiling of the long awaited serial killer…..Utter silence befalls the room, all attention is now on you, and they are waiting for a response. In truth all you’re doing is standing in their presence.

3. The Whisper

This ‘weapon’ is the second most powerful one in my tool belt; No shouting or raised voices are needed. You gently and lovingly sit down or get on level with your child and in the softest speak; tell the child what is wrong. You then get this look back, and I hope I am not the only one, which clearly says “Oh no, they must be cross they’re not even shouting at me” This is particularly handy if you are out and in public.

4. Swapping ‘Angry’ for ‘Disappointed’

I am warning you right now use it when you must.

Saying this powerful sentence “I am not angry, I am just disappointed” can hit hard; especially if you have a look that matches it.

"Hulk not angry, just disappointed"

 

Some could argue that these points play on the mental well-being of the child and could cause them harm in the long run. For me when you’re caught in the middle of something you do what you must.

But back to my point:

Being a Dad, as well as a Stay at Home Dad can be hard at times, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we will become this enraged monster around the children.

There are many parenting techniques out there that promote an alternative to anger and aggression. A parent, male or female, which spends as much time with their children, as a Stay at Home Parent does, will get tired and stressed but gender shouldn’t really come into the discussion. I would much rather someone asks me what parenting techniques I use in tricky situations than assume that I will automatically be ‘Angry Dad’

So is it expected for Dads to be the ‘Bad Guy’? Is it something that any gendered Stay at Home Parent gets asked?