There have been times that the Boys have been an absolute
nightmare and I have literally been thinking "Are we seriously doing this
right now?"
It's a tough situation because I know that mentally and
emotionally I have been struggling and I know that in such case that children,
being as aware as they are, can pick up on it. I have, however, tried my
hardest to present myself as happy, laid back and engaging as possible but I
also know that you can't kid a kid!
The last few days a couple of things have happened:
The Boys behaviour outside the house has matched their
occasional tricky behaviour inside the house.
Every suggestion of something fun or change of environment
has been immediately dismissed.
Anything that has been ‘pressured’ on to them, for example:
Eating dinner, getting dressed, not punching everyone and not to jump up and
down on the Sofa, has led to quite extremes for emotional responses.
And finally James’ chest has become heavy and he has had a
light cough.
I have done what I could and have tried my best to still
stay calm and engage appropriately; been fair, listened to them but have also
been firm where needed.
I know that it’s time like this that you have to question
yourself and I know that I have spoken about bits like this before when I
published my confession* post (Which I have read multiple times recently to
keep reminding myself of the fact)
But the suddenly this happened:
This has happened two days in a row now; this is quite an
unusual behaviour for both the Boys. William hasn’t slept during the day for
around 18 Months now and James has for the last 6 month stopped having his
daily naps.
So you can imagine my surprise, after just finishing making
a midday coffee, when I walked in to find them like this. I don’t know if it
was the shock, the silence, the coffee or just how small they suddenly looked
but my heart sank and I had a moment of clarity.
This parenting stuff is hard, this adult stuff is hard, and
sometimes, as I have posted about before, we just get caught in automatic
mode*. Day in and day out we enter the struggle that can be parenting but
within it you can sometimes miss the smallest of things.
In trying to put a Happy Dad smile on, trying to entertain
them, maintain the house and trying to just do what us stay at home parents do
I missed what was straight in front of me to fully assess everything that I
knew.
James was sick with his chest and William had been showing
an extreme of emotional responses (Although he does at times do this not always
to this extreme)
Were they both sick then?
On closer inspection I noticed that William was pasty faced
with circles around his eyes and James was still spluttering with his cough. It
was this moment that it all came together and I felt terrible; how could I miss
that my Boys were sick? I mean I was focusing on James breathing because of his
asthma but not once though that it could be something that was a cold that they
both would have.
Seriously kicked myself.
That being said I also reassured myself that there has been
a lot going on around here and that sometimes you do miss what is straight in
front of you. I also reminded myself that whilst I am writing this that it is
only Monday which means that they had only been with me for 24 hours.
And when they both woke up we had cuddles, watched a film
and snuggled under a blanket.
What it has definitely reinforced though, which I want to
share with you, that sometimes there is more going on with our children than we
might think. Behavioural changes could mean a number of things and not to, as I
did, jump to conclusions.
6 years in and I am still learning this stuff and I am sure
like my confession post that I will need to come back to this time and time
again.
Have you ever suddenly had this realisation?
10 comments:
Eeek there's nothing worse that the kids being sick. It's worrying, it's sad and it's just horrid to watch them being so uncomfortable. I do think cuddles go a long way though.
It is horrible isn't it. I felt terrible cos I was moaning at them all morning for different things and just assumed it was down to bad behaviour etc. But when I realised they were sick I kinda kicked myself. Plenty of cuddles were definitely given!!
I sometimes feel relieved when I realise one of mine has a temperature or throws up though. Up until that point I will have been castigating myself for being a terrible parent who has brought horrible children only to realise they are foul because they are sick! Yay - I'm not a terrible parent!
And not are you xx
That's exactly the relief I had!! Although did feel equally guilty on the parenting front for not noticing straight away.
Aw thanks. Sometimes definitely feel it so glad you don't think so. :)
Don't beat yourself up over it Martyn. There are two parents in my house and we still miss the true reasons for one or more of the children acting out. You're doing a great job with the boys.
Thanks Alan very much appreciated. It's difficult this parenting lark lol.
I've had all my kids try it on with me and claim to be sick and I've dismissed illness a few times because of that only to realise they are actually unwell. I feel awful when they are genuinely ill and I don't pick up on it immediately but hey none of us are perfect. Life with children is hectic, pile everything else on top that we have to contend with from day to day and no wonder we don't pick up on things straight away.
So true! There's so much going on that it's difficult to pick up on it at times. I'm so pleased that I'm not the only one who does it too! Thanks for commenting
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