Strength is a very peculiar thing, of which everyone has
their own views of what it is; I, in all honesty, am mixed in my view of it.
If you looked up the definition of strength you find it
broken in to two parts:
1. The quality or
state of being physically strong.
“Cycling can help
build up your strength”
2. The capacity of an
object or substance to withstand great force or pressure.
“They were taking no
chances with the strength of the retaining wall”
From these two points I question my own strength.
I was very lucky recently to have Ally from Messed up Mum blog
write her side of being my friend. I found it both interesting and lovely what
she wrote about me; despite how some of it was focused on the negative side of
being in my life.One thing stood out though: I underplay a lot.
She mentioned how I underplay my positive features, as well
as my Muscular Dystrophy and my Dependant Personality Disorder.
Once I read it I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said.
I knew full well that I underplay everything but why?
Yes, my Muscular Dystrophy sucks. Personally, I hate it. If
I could explain to you how it affects me day to day you would be sickened.
Every day I wake up in pain, pain in my muscles and in my
joints and it just doesn’t stop there; throughout the day it gets worse. My
muscles twitch and get tighter and from that my joints feel the pressure.
The Pain though isn’t always the tough part; being physical is.
Everything I do I have to think “How can I do that” this
could be anything from general housework to playing with the boys. If I am out
I have to continuously assess every step and move that I make; the tough part then
is when I can’t do something.Ally picked up on my DPD and she put it perfectly. The way she describes it is generally the way it is and from the point of view of anyone around me I am a pain the neck.
But for just a second, imagine what I don’t say that’s in my
head?
I keep an awful lot stuck in. Very much like my MD I don’t discuss
anything that fully. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want people to think that I
am helpless; instead I would like people to see me for me.
I know due to my MD that I don’t tick the first definition
of strength but do I meet the criteria of the second one?
Am I strong then because despite everything that I go
through that I still manage to get up and function every day?
Honestly? No, I don’t think I am.
Yesterday I had a “Pain Day” It was horrible. Last night I
sat there across the sofa, watching TV and had tears in my eyes and ended up
crying. The pain had got too much. This was already on top of a week where
mentally I had struggled with my disability. In resects to the definition then
I am not strong. My capacity to cope under the pressure of the rubbish parts of
my life got a bit much. I didn’t feel like I could be strong enough.
What could I have done? I have wonderful friends, family and
partner but I couldn’t do anything about it and there was nothing that they
could do either. So I underplay it because I don’t want them to hurt at the
fact that there’s nothing they could do; if it’s hard for me I can only imagine
what it is like for them to witness.
Reading Ally’s post and having one of my bad days has left
me thinking and from it I have come to a conclusion: I am not strong. The
people around me or in my life can’t always be strong for me either.
Yet I also came to the fact that I don’t need to always be
strong because there are so many other things that I am.
I am a Dad to two beautiful but challenging boys. I am a
teacher to many different types of pupils. I am a musician, artist, writer,
friend, boyfriend, geek and most importantly I am a fighter. Everything here is
something that my loved ones contribute to being around me, subsequently
enriching my life.
These attributes make me more than just needing to be strong
in the face of adversity because ultimately when I am feeling weak I have so
many parts of me that outweigh anything that a bad day can offer. So yes, I
underplay a lot of the things that I go through not because I am strong but
because I want to be more than these things that define me. I want people to
see me as “Martyn the guy that….” Without the last part being “has MD or DPD”.
12 comments:
I think that there is strength in recognizing our weaknesses. We all embody both, and you are right neither should define us. We did a post last week on weakness (great minds!), just let it flow and be you! :)
I think you're over thinking it. Why is being strong even a thing? Why does it matter, why do we analyse ourselves on that? I think that I'm strong, but to my detriment. I never ask for help and rarely accept it. I never show emotion, I'm very strict with my children. I'm very independent. Does that make me strong? Maybe in some ways, but I don't have the strength to behave like a normal human being and interact with people socially. So that's not strong. But who cares? As you say, you're fabulous in every way (that's not what you said but that's what you should have said) strength is subjective, relative and unimportant. In a similar way to ability or disability. I don't have a disability but I'm flipping awful at playing the piano (really, really bad) so you're much more able than me in that respect. So basically what I'm saying is able, disabled, strong, weak, overanalysing or thick as a brick, who cares? We're individuals and that's what makes the world go round.
To me the definition of being strong mentally means having setbacks, having bad days, even having a damn good cry, and then moving on from it, not letting it keep you down, so to me you are strong.
Chuck out the dictionary and make your own definition!
Debbie
www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
Thanks for commenting. We definitely have both its how you deal with it that makes the difference. Some times good and times bad. Ooo I'll take a look.
I think you're right. Maybe I'm over thinking it. And yes I'm fabulous. ;)
Natalie that last sentence just reminded me at how amazing you are.
Love your definition. Far better way of seeing it.
Ah shurrup! You're ace, and you are strong, strength is shown in different ways, you show it everyday! You are awesome, start believing it x
Thanks chick. I know you think so. Need to start believing it more, clearly.
We all learn to be strong in our own ways. We don't always see it ourselves but when people point it out to you, it does make you stop and think.
Having weak moments doesn't make us less strong it just makes us human!
I completely get why you don't go on about MD, I have meobius syndrome and I cannot be bothered to blab on about it as I don't want people to think oh she's different she must be weak. I have it, I deal with it I get over it and I don't want to bring down my loved ones with it.
Wonderful post. :) Strength happens in moments and those moments build...
I think to be a 'fighter' in any setting takes strength and somebody who is 'strong'. The definition of 'fighter' is somebody who fights back, who doesn't give in and let whatever they are fighting against take hold. It seems to me, from what you have written in this post (this is my first visit to your blog) that you are definitely a fighter and as follows, definitely strong. I'm trying this new thing where I try not to worry or get hung up about the things that I can't control. You can't control your pain, you're not expected to cope with it all of the time or any of the time, it's pain for god's sake, it's not nice - it's not something that you can change or control so don't beat yourself up because it got to you. Like you said, this doesn't define you, it is one word out of a million that could describe you.
It seems like you have a lot of people around you that see the strength in you that you can't!
Hannah - if people think you're 'different' or 'weak' because of your disability and that's their snap judgment then that's their narrow-minded problem. I agree that in some ways everybody is weak and equally, everybody is strong - in one way or another.
Lucy (www.hellobeautifulbear.com)
I think being strong varies across the board and even with our own lives. Being strong to me one day might mean that I've managed to get all the housework done on others it might mean that I got up and out of bed. It's incredibly variable so even if you don't feel strong chances are it means you are already.
:-)
x
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