My Thoughts and Reflections on the week

I have had a lot going on recently and one thing has become clear, I have a lot going on in my head. One of my old practices was to write and reflect on the week that I have had; I thought that I could start doing this for a while and seeing how I get on; within it try and push towards something better the following week.

The Boys

This week has been a tough week with the boys. It has been one of those occasions where I seemed to have done everything and anything with them; we have cooked, baked, went to the park, started gardening at our new flat, played indoors as well as out.

Yet, it has been one of those weeks where I feel that I haven’t done anything right for them. They have been hard work!

It has been filled with lots of arguing, fighting, answering back and general difficult behaviour at every twist and turn, day by day that I have had with them.

This can be put down to a few things:

They are settling into the flat, just as I am, and therefore could just be testing the boundaries of what is and isn’t acceptable here. I also know, through their comments, that they have noticed the absence of the person that I was dating. Again, this is just settling into a new routine. We are also on a different day routine, which again has changed a few things, for example, they are no longer coming to church with me on a Sunday, and so this could just be them getting their heads around the new day routine.

We have had fun though!

What I will try to do next week is plan our days more carefully rather than mixed ideas.

Mental Health

My mental health has been up and down; some days are clearly better than others. Yet, I need to stop being so hard on myself. I am in a battle with my D.P.D which I think in lots of ways I am winning but there will still be days or moments where I really struggle. This time though I feel that I know I will snap out of it in the long run; I always do and I will this time. When asked about how I am I usually respond with “I’m OK, always am” and that is exactly true.

One massive thing this week though is that I have been able to distinguish the difference between what my D.P.D is making me feel and what are real feelings. That is massive for me. I know that my feelings towards situations and people are real and in reality it is what most people would feel in my situation. My D.P.D amplifies that at times but that doesn’t undermine the feelings in the first place.

I found Thursday hard. Despite the difficult week I missed having the boys to help soldier through. I am in the flat by myself which, although relaxing, can feel quite isolating and is in favour of my D.P.D.

Despite this though I am planning on going out at the weekend, I don’t have anything planned but I think maybe a night out will do the world of good; even if it is small steps to start.

General Martyn

This week I have been chatting more to people either online or in real life. It is great to have these interactions.

I have tried to sit and draw as I know when my emotions are high that this is a good outlet yet I still haven’t found my animal for how I am feeling. (But when I do I think I will do a giveaway on it!)

I have read lots! This seems to be my biggest outlet at the moment.

I will try and find my animal to draw this week, get a rough picture so I can start drawing at a later date.

Blogging

I feel a bit of a bad blogger at the moment. Like most things above, I need to not be so hard on myself. I am used to writing and publishing around 10 posts a week yet at the moment, and in my current mind-set, I have only been able to manage about 5. As for reading others blogs, again, I am a bad blogger; I usually read around 60 posts a day, yet at the moment I am reading 5 at best!

This being said I had an evening of inspiration on Wednesday and now have 26 post ideas in my notepad to start writing. So with time permitting today I think I will see what I can write up.

I am also a little sick of the rating systems and charts as I seem to be forever falling but this week I have made a real effort across all social media to interact more. I am hoping this will help.

I also received a higher Moz score than I was expecting so this has given me an extra kick.

This coming week I want to do a post a day, get back to joining in with a couple of linkys and start to read more posts daily.

Overall

It has been a mixed week and there have been many hard moments and many tears for one reason or another. Yet, I am determined to find some good and see what I can do the following week. This is just a moment and I will start having more good days than bad.

As always “Every day, only once” Good or bad, reflect, sleep and restart.