Valentine's Day 2016

 

So it has come round to that day of the year again.

This year, like the three before, I am single.

Now I am not going to sit here and be one of those single people who will shout that they are happy to be single and days like this don’t bother them or to give reasons to why I am better off single!

Last year emotionally and romantically was a hard year for me. I ventured back into the dating world and for the most part it was brutal.

I did find and have a relationship despite it being short lived and in the end I decided that I would give up on dating altogether.

So for me to be saying that I am once again single is then no real surprise when I haven’t even tried.

This isn’t because I am hung up on my ex either just more because I really wasn’t, and still not, sure if it is worth the hassle.

In having that relationship I took away some real positives. I met someone who saw me for me and didn’t discriminate and cast me aside initially because of my Muscular Dystrophy. For the first time in my life I was equally happy and vulnerable; vulnerable enough to open up and be me rather than putting on an act and hiding the many aspects of my life. I was happy.

Now, it didn’t have the happy fairy tale ending and didn’t in the grand scheme of things last very long.

However, I took some important points away. I realised that some people can see past my health and see me. Some people can see the good and love in me and want to be a part of it. I also found that it is actually okay to allow people to see me in a vulnerable position and not be scared that they will run at the first hurdle.

These are the positive of being in love and experiencing things that you never experienced before.

Things did turn a little messy and actually reasons like my MD did crop up as “big issues”. Yet, again, I am alright with this. The initial start dismissed so many of my original worries and fears.

The hurt and upset raised a lot of questions about if I am or ever will be ready for dating; especially when you take my mental health and D.P.D into account. I thought long and hard about that and actually I know they were wrong. I am ready. I am ready to find someone made just for me; it just wasn’t them.

I still stand by the fact that I am not dating or actively seeking a relationship. I am not one to think that you have to play a numbers game. That experience of going from one person to another is not something that I am built for. It is hard and can be quite soul destroying. Yet this doesn’t mean that I don’t want a relationship at some point because I do.

Being Valentine’s Day I won’t spend my time moping that I am single. Instead I will focus on the point of it: Love.

Love is defined as:

                A strong feeling of affection

                A great interest and pleasure in something

                A deep affection for someone

So today I am going to embrace these points.

I have nothing but deep affection for my two beautiful boys and with that I am lucky enough to spend my day with them. It is an unconditional love between a Parent and a Child that runs deep and with that something that should be cherished.

I will spend time reading, writing and talking to friends; even if it’s online. I can get pleasure and enjoyment in different ways.

As for the deep affection for someone, well without sounding narcissistic I will focus on myself. Sometimes in life you have to take some time to just love yourself.

The Dalai Lama said:

"If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others."

So I will do some self-care and self-love.

So for all you lovely people who are in relationships make sure you have a lovely day and enjoy yourself. For all the fantastic single parents out there who are in the same boat as me: Love your children, do something fun and remember to love yourself.

And who knows maybe 2016 will bring about the start of a new love adventure!