Thursday, 14 December 2017

Throwaway Thursdays #7



Here we are with another week on Throwaway Thursdays! The idea is to bring together 3 things that we don't like in something inside your house, something we do as humans and something in general and then throw them away, similar to Room 101.
Last week we featured the lovely Nat who had some great choices! So much that many were in agreement with her! This week I am happy to feature Dave from The Early Morning Club. Dave is new on the parenting scene as well as the blogging so he has kindly given an introduction to himself! "I’m Dave and I’ve recently become a Dad for the first time. I’ve started a blog called The Early Morning Club chatting about my parenting adventures and coming to the realisation that I’m just making it up as I go along."
 
With Dave being new I haven't had much time to get to know him but that said I have gone through his blog and read some great stuff that he has been posting for the last few months. He definitely puts some great content down on being a new dad and of which captures what it really is like; something that I try to forget sometimes! I especially enjoyed his take on choosing his sons name.
 
Now time to see what he would Throwaway this Thursday!

1. Something inside your house. It can be the latest fad that your child/ren has, a pet peeve like homework, a toy that really annoys you or for non-parents, something of your partners!
 
Batteries
 
As much as I love giving my little lad plenty of cuddles, there are times when I appreciate having the use of my hands for a few minutes. I have become an expert at handling hot drinks around him + eating dinner 1-handed, but I've not yet mastered the art of making food or having a poo while attached to a baby.

To help with this, I bought a rocker. Somewhere he can hang out while Daddy needs his hands. The one I bought has a vibrating seat and songs, along with 5 rocker settings. The lowest one is the equivalent of being gently caressed by a light breeze. The highest setting is similar to being strapped into Nemesis at Alton Towers. In short...it's brilliant and they should make adult versions.

My one issue is the batteries which can go fuck themselves. For starters, the rocker didn't come with batteries. If I'm buying something which requires batteries, I expect them to be included. That's like buying a phone...then finding that you have to pay extra for the charger.

The rocker takes 1 'C' battery and 4 'D' batteries. If you're unaware of battery sizes, a C is about the size of a house brick and a D is roughly as large as a Fiat Punto. They really are monumentally large and I had to get an extra trolley, just to carry them.

For something that big, I'd expect them to last until my baby is 18yrs old...at which point he'd look fairly ridiculous in the rocker. Sadly, they have a habit of dying relatively quickly. My baby can be having a lovely swing, while listening to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star when the batteries decide to slow down. This then leads to the horrifying situation where the baby-friendly version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star slows down, sounding like the rocker is possessed and needs to be exorcised.

Quite honestly, unless an item takes AA batteries, it has no place in my house.

2. Something we do as humans. It can be littering, swearing, bad driving or a really serious global issue. 
 
Tangling Headphones
 
Do you know what really boils my piss? People who have tangled headphones. This may seem very petty and pedantic...but these are my throwaway things, not yours!

Hopefully I can make a case to show you why these people are the WORST!
For starters, I love my music. I'm the sort of person who always has headphones on. This may make it look like I'm disconnected with the world...but I'll only stop listening to music when it stops being so good.

I also have some slightly OCD tenancies and do have specific ways of doing things which probably irritates my poor wife and friends. For example, if my wife folds my clothes + they're not folded in my regular way, I will often redo them. You'd think that I would appreciate this kind action...but my brain doesn't work that way. I’m usually left to fold my own clothes now.

Since I can remember, I've always been very particular about how my headphone cord is wrapped up. I'll wrap it around my 4 fingers, then tuck the remaining cord inside the circle I've made. It keeps them neat and makes it easy to undo the cord when I next need them. It takes about 5 seconds and makes the headphones easy to store.

I assumed this was what everyone did...but I was wrong...

Before moving to Leeds, I lived in London for 7 years. You get to see all sorts of people on the tube and I do love a bit of people watching. There was nothing more frustrating than seeing someone dig a pair of headphones out of their bag, then have to spend 5 minutes pissing about, trying to untangle the cord.

Some people even put on their headphones without untangling them. There is a special place in hell which is reserved for people like this.

I do think that the state of your headphone cord is a reflection of how you live your life. If you can spare the 5 seconds to make them look neat, it shows that you take care of yourself and your possessions. You’re the sort of person who would rather take a little more time to do a job, knowing that it’ll actually save you time in the long-run. I imagine that you also have a clean, tidy house, knowing that keeping things neat is aesthetically pleasing.

However, if you’re the sort of person who has a tangled headphone cord, you’re the sort of person who has an electric toothbrush but can’t be bothered to charge it, so you just use it as a really heavy regular toothbrush. You’re the sort of person who saves their files to desktop. You’re the sort of person who leaves teabags in the sink. You’re the sort of person who shares ‘If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at me best’ memes on Facebook. You’re the sort of person who has a half-full glass of water on their bedside table from 3 weeks ago.

Basically, you’re the worst sort of person.



3. Anything you want. It would be less fun if I completely restricted you on topics. There is always something that we might want to throw away and you never know maybe others might feel exactly the same.
 
Being sung Happy Birthday
Although only 4 lines long, the song Happy Birthday is the absolute worst. I don’t necessarily object to the song itself, but it does feel like an ETERNITY when people sing it at you. I know that it’s obligatory at every birthday, but I find it very socially awkward.

My least favourite rendition came on my 18th birthday when I went to TGI Fridays. I was looking forward to my Chocolate Brownie Sundae when a staff member asked me to go with them. I was led into the middle of the room and made to stand on a chair while the entire restaurant sang Happy Birthday at me. One of the staff took a Polaroid picture which shows the exact moment that my testicles retracted into my stomach, such was my feeling of discomfort.

Here’s are my thoughts as each line is sung

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

It’s my birthday! My friends are all singing at me. Oh look! There’s cake. This is all quite pleasant. I’m smiling. What could possibly go wrong?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

Yup. That’s just the same line again. My friends are all getting into the song now. Why are they all staring at me? Can you all stop staring at me? I’m still smiling...but my face is starting to hurt. I can’t change expression and revert back to my normal resting face otherwise they’ll think I’m ungrateful. Keep smiling. JUST. KEEP. SMILING.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR (INSERT NAME HERE)

Oh goodness. Has a group message been sent around before singing commenced, deciding on which version of my name they’re going to use? They could go with David which is 2 syllables and technically fits the song better, but only my Grandma calls me David. They could also go with Dave, but inserted into the song, it’ll sound like ‘DAY-AYVE.’ Alternately, they could all do their own thing and it’ll just sound like a muffled guff of a noise, followed by an awkward murmur of laughter.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

Kill me now.

 






I think Dave has some great options here.

I think batteries in most small toys are generally annoying! Especially when they are dying as, like Dave mentioned, they start to die and you here a nursery song creepily turn into something from a horror movie. I have, on many evenings, once the boys were asleep heard the dying tones of a musical toy creeping me out whilst I sit in my hermit darkness. I will then add the fact of obscure battery sizes that means you have to go to some country and back to get just makes it infuriating. Is there another option to try though? Maybe to create some USB charging for each toy? Until there is an alternative, I am happy to throw them away!

I am admittedly a little torn on his second option. I wouldn't say that I am as convicted on the way they should be tidied away. I do get a little annoyed when I see people happily put their headphones in when they are all tangled and knotted though! It shouldn't take too long to sort out and would probably save you buying replacements where they have broken. For the mixed feelings I will leave that up to you guys to decide if they need to be thrown or not.

Finally, singing happy birthday! Oh I do hate this aspect. I find it incredibly awkward. Like Dave it feels like a lifetime to be there waiting for everyone to finish and when it does get to the name part everyone usually sings something different. It might be due to the awkward social aspect where attention is drawn to me that I dislike rather than the song or length. I personally would be happy to throw it away though and go without. Would you?



What do you think of his suggestions? Do you agree?

If you would like to find out more from Dave then you can visit his blog here or follow him on Twitter.





 

 
 
 

1 comment:

Leesa A. Greene said...

With Dave being new I haven't had much buffet near me chinese time to get to know him but that said I have gone through his blog and read some great stuff that he has been posting for the last few months.