Usies: Choosing Connection Over Screens

Originally written in 2014 as 'Usies' — Updated for clarity and reflection in 2026

I spent the afternoon with the boys playing with Lego. We built, destroyed, rebuilt, and repeated the cycle for hours. I loved every second of it. This is a normal afternoon for us. I try not to fill their time with technology when we can play together instead.

Over the years I have invested in imaginative toys. Action figures, a toy kitchen, board games, a home‑corner setup, puzzles, books, and Lego. Anything that encourages creativity and gives us something to share. I am not against technology. I know how important it is for children to understand it and use it well. It plays a big role in their education. I also know that at their mum’s house they have plenty of access to screens. They have an Xbox, a Wii, an iPad, and access to iPhones and laptops. It feels like too much if I duplicate it here.

At church this morning we continued our theme of generosity. We were reminded that Jesus showed generosity through time spent with others. His love was expressed through relationships. That only happens when you are present with people. I know this may feel irrelevant to those who do not go to church. After the morning I had and the afternoon that followed, it felt completely relevant to me.

We live in an “I” world. iPhones, iPads, iMacs, iWatches. The pattern is obvious. Everything centres on the individual. Social media encourages it. Facebook asks “What’s on your mind”. Twitter asks “What’s happening”. Both focus on one person speaking out. It fits the world we live in. A world of selfies, self‑promotion, and constant sharing.

Most of us know someone who walks into a room with a “Here I am” energy. Many of us have been in a conversation where we share something personal, only for the other person to jump in with “Yes, I know exactly what you mean, this one time I…”. The topic shifts. The moment becomes theirs. We have all been that person at some point. It bothers me because it shows how uncomfortable we have become with listening. We try to find common ground so quickly that we forget to stay with the person in front of us.

Try being a “There you are” person instead. Ask one simple question. “Tell me more.” These three words change the tone of a conversation. They show interest. They create space. They make people feel seen.

Think about how often someone lights up when you let them talk about something they care about. Tell me more.

God takes an interest in all of us. Every single one of us. We should reflect that interest in the way we treat others. Be open. Be curious. Show love by listening. Tell me more.

It is a simple practice. When someone speaks, ask for more. Take a genuine interest. It never harms anyone.

I see the impact with my children. Their imagination is incredible. Their stories have layers, subplots, and details. They know I am listening. They know I am not half‑agreeing while scrolling on my phone.

So I am creating something new. A “usie”. No more photos of just me. I want photos with the people I love. Photos that show connection, not isolation.

[Image 2. We are all wearing navy jumpers. We are pulling faces and sticking tongues out]

[Image 3. A similar photo to the last but all 3 of us are smiling and having a normal photo. Left to right, William, James, Martyn]

Follow our lead. Put the tech down when you can. Use “tell me more”. Take a usie when the moment is right.

C. S. Lewis once said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”

2026 Reflection

This post feels like an early snapshot of something I did not yet have language for: digital boundaries. I was trying to protect the boys from a world that was speeding up, even though I did not fully understand how fast it would become. I can see now that I was not anti‑technology. I was pro‑presence. I wanted connection. I wanted to be with them, not around them.

The “usie” idea makes me smile. It was a small rebellion against the selfie culture of the time. It also became a quiet foundation for how I parented in the years that followed. Screens were tools, not replacements. Time together mattered more than time online, especially when I had opportunities for one to one time.

Looking back, this post also marks the beginning of my interest in how we listen to each other. That thread runs through later posts on relationships, faith, accessibility, and community. It shaped how I write now. It shaped how I lead in church. It shaped how I show up for my family.

If anything, this post reminds me that connection has always been the centre of my story.

For more posts about different views I have, click here.