Single parents at Christmas time

Most of us are now in the swing of this Christmas thing that seems to have snuck up on us.

One thing that I am all sorted for is the arrangements for access with the boys over the holiday period.

I have always been very lucky when it comes to our Christmas arrangements year on year where I have consistently had the boys for the whole of Christmas day. 

Most people have the idea that Christmas and the holiday season is a mad packed month of organising to enjoy a family day/s together but it isn’t always that straightforward for a lot of single parent families.

There are often feelings of rejection, loneliness, abandonment and raw emotions and more often than not it comes out when trying to organise where the children are meant to be.

Despite the fact that we have a good co-parentin grelationship it hasn’t always been that way; the boys mum has said on the blog before that at one point we were full of venom and brimstone and all those other metaphors with each other which indicate that the end was full of pain.

It is hard because there is so much raw emotion because after all you have your own hurt and the natural feeling to protect your children. I have been in the situation where compromises failed, the police visits and the divorce solicitors and government bodies, interfering family and friends. It isn’t easy.

I know many people who are still in that position and have been for much longer than I was and they, as well as you, may just be rolling your eyes at this because it is still hard but this is the time of year when it needs to change…..just a bit.

The most important thing here is to stay calm and communicate but saying that I also know it is far easier said than done.

As mentioned above, when children are involved in a split you have a massive emotional link with your ex-partner, one that routes straight to expressive raw emotions. Yet, this is why it is important to communicate because if you don’t and you are quick to fight and compete with each other you are losing sight of what is important; the well-being and happiness of the child or children.

With Christmas quickly approaching it, again, is easy to fall into the competition trap. What can I do to make them happy with me? Can I buy better presents? When can I have them? I want to have them for dinner and opening presents in the morning! 

Stop! You have to step back and remember it is about the kids.

Step back and think directly about your children; it isn't about money and buying the biggest best present, it is knowing your child directly and subsequently buying specifically for them and they will love whatever it is. 

You might not gain brownie points for have a fancy Christmas but in the long run you will see your children playing and engaging with those gifts for the next year, allowing them to grow further into a unique individual. That is what is important.