I went on a Date

On Saturday I went on a date. I know, exciting right?

I, the single dad blogger with DPD trying to step forward, break a few of society’s category tick boxes by possibly stepping out of the boat and going on a date. 

If you are a regular here then you know that dating and me don’t really go hand in hand.

My problem, apart from being socially awkward, is my “control” of emotions. My dependant personality disorder means that I can, at times, whilst unchecked, become emotional unstable; an instability that many of my long term readers will know that 

I have fought long and hard to get on top off.

Late last year I wrote a post that I had thought long and hard about and decided it was right to take the plunge and get back into the dating world and something that my therapist was positively pushing.

The logic here was that if anything went wrong or I became emotionally unstable then it wouldn’t matter as I had my sessions as my safety blanket. That was it then, DPD in check, therapist was on call so head first I dived.

I might come across online as this happy go lucky and confident guy who apparently flirts with a hoard of women in his “harem” but I am far from that. I am quiet, pensive and lack self-esteem.

The problem is that internet dating can suck, especially locally. Being a “non-conventional” single dad and being active in my children’s lives is apparently off putting. If you could get past that then you see my Muscular Dystrophy which is a big hurdle to jump and quite frankly my big blue eyes and my clever brain doesn’t always work.

After 6 weeks on 3 different sites I slowly stopped interacting. I did have a fair bit of interest and had arranged a few dates with people but the MD or the amount of time I spend with the boys seemed to be deal breakers.

Then a blogger wrote a dating post, similar to mine, and things changed a smidge. I say a smidge because that was all it was at the time.

The lovely blogger that is Mandy Charlton.

“ooooo” I hear many of you say; two bloggers, online and creating as blogging couple? This is why I kept quiet.

This is why I became Mr France. I didn’t want any fuss but just wanted to see what would happen.

That was 3 months ago and anyone who has read the Mr France series has seen how it has progressed from Mandy’s point of view. The thing is I am not Mr France I’m just me. I know me is fine, I like me and clearly other people do too. However, the emotional side didn’t engage in the whole skype dating/Mr France thing throughout the 3 months.

My DPD creates a disconnect where I often put up a barrier that makes me appear as disinterested and purposely obtuse. Whist hundreds of people read Mandy’s blog were excited that Mr F was going on a date only a few people knew that the real me, Martyn, hadn’t quite acknowledged the realness of it all.

Saturday night, therefore, was not for me the first date within a 3 month whirlwind online romance but was in all ways to me a first date. A date with someone I have chatted to online and had skype calls with.

How was the date then? I am sure that is why you are still reading on.

It was okay.

Yes, all the build-up in the post and I just say “okay”.

I have been on a fair few dates and this felt different. I didn’t have any butterflies in my stomach, eager anticipation of what it will be like or nerves of what may go wrong. I did have some anxiety minutes before saying hello but other than that I was fine.

For me it didn’t feel like a date. It felt like I was having a laugh, dinner and drink with a friend that I have been chatting to for a few months; something that I have experienced a few times within the blogging world.

There of course was nothing bad and it was far from disastrous but it wasn’t a “first date” for me.

I felt it at the time and feel it now after having some time to process it all.

My barrier was down and I was ready but that dating spark seemed to be missing in the evening. I was just sitting with a friend having a good time and enjoying a lovely dinner.

We did however have a kiss goodbye. I will always be a gentleman and wont kiss and tell but I have to admit there was a spark there in the kiss.

So we have a slowly built friendship and we had a physical spark. For many people these two ingredients are vital for a relationship, and I agree, but there needs to be a third ingredient, an emotional spark; the thing that causes those butterflies.

So what happens now?

Well that is the big question.

I am not too sure I should spend too much time over analysing it. I went on a date, it was lovely and there was an attraction. Is it enough? Should I still be out there dating? Will there be anything on the horizon?

Honestly, Mandy is a fantastic woman. Smart and funny and I am lucky to call her my friend.  One thing is clear, there is a good friendship there and we did have good time so for now that is enough.