The Plunge

Just over a year ago I wrote a post saying that I was done with dating and at the time I really meant it. However, this year saw me start therapy and make a real attempt at healing properly. A lot of topics have been brought up and dating was one of them.

Before stating that I was done with dating a lot happened. I stayed single for almost 3 years, didn’t look to date and focused on myself and the boys, wanting to grow personally after I having my breakdown. Yet, I decided that it felt right last year to try dating again and look considerately and carefully for the right person.

The one thing I didn’t want to do is go from one relationship to another like many of my friends have done and still do; I really didn’t want to become one of those “I’m single again, time to focus on myself” and then 2 weeks later update my Facebook profile that I was in a relationship again!

I also didn’t want to be one of those single parents who have a different person around the boys every so often. I needed stability for the boys just as much as I did for myself and for my D.P.D.

However, as many of you know, I was lucky and through months of searching I found someone. It all seemed to be going well, brilliant in fact, and then it ended; it ended quickly and for random and quite frankly stupid reasons.

The separation hit me and I really struggled; I took on board all the hurtful things said and felt that it was a reflection of me. Ultimately, the difficulty I was having made me realise how unstable I was and that maybe all the grounding I had done since my breakdown was more superficial than I had thought.

I realised that I deserved happiness, I knew I did, the kind that everyone else seems to have; I am great when you get to know me and thought someone would see that. Yet, I became sick and tired of looking, of playing the ‘dating game’, taking the risks that dating had for me and not getting very far.

Within this, with my ever progressing health problems, I thought it would be more difficult to get more opportunities, so instead of searching and being disappointed or hurt that it was time to stop.

The weird thing for me is that although I gave up with dating there is obviously a part of me that still wants to date, wants to have someone in my life, a companion to have adventures and importantly someone I can talk to.

Therapy has helped too. All the negative thoughts that I had accepted prior have shifted and clearly rationalised. Other aspects have been changing too, like speaking my mind more and standing up for myself (in the non-disabled way)

With clear self-esteem attributes and characteristics forming and feeling a lot stronger I had no real answer for my therapist when she asked why I was avoiding putting myself out there other than “Women are mean and scary”.

This was back in May and admittedly I have massively dragged my feet in trying to date again; not without encouragement from persistent friends who have been backing me all the way. (If you haven’t seen the hilarious Twitter conversations with this you’ve been missing out. Julie even wrote a fabulous post about it!)

The support is great. Everyone will tell me that I’m lovely and that they don’t understand the negative responses I have received but I was still hesitant.

That was until this month. The old post popped back up if I was interested in sharing it again and I realised that I wasn’t done with it and, in addition to that, getting a Happy 4th Divorcery from the boys mum made me stand up and want to dive back in.

So I took the plunge and it’s going better than expected; in fact it’s going better than ever. Why is this? I don’t know but I’m guessing that now I’m confident in being out there and being myself more than carrying a greater nest of insecurities that I’m getting the responses. Or it could be that I’m finally reflecting the side of me that most people see on social media. Who knows?

Maybe this single Dad, won’t be single for much longer.

P.S

I am still happy for people to set me up with attractive relatives. ;)