Wednesday 20 May 2015

Why i don't mind if my Children are Naughty



My boys are exactly that they’re boys.

I love when people meet my two; everyone has always been complimentary on the two boys which is either a great honour or they seem to are always polite about them.
One thing I know though is that behind their angelic little faces that they can be little monsters.

But there are weeks when I would quite happily have two ‘naughty’ boys who like to do everything they know that they shouldn’t.
Am I crazy for thinking this?


I often say when people compliment them that they do need to remember that I have two boys aged 6 and 4. This means that they can be exactly what you expect two boys to be like; they fight, they argue, they climb everything and they can also be nightmares.

I am happy living in two worlds; I can deal with the good and I can deal with the bad but when it comes to middle ground I struggle. Grey is definitely a colour that I struggle to wear well.
This can be brilliant in so many ways but when it comes to parenting the boys it can be a thorn in my side.

When the boys are being good they are truly amazing; they have me in stitches laughing, make me think, breathe, and function and be a better person. I would hope that this is something that you can see in all of my posts, especially the Home School ones.
The truth is that the boys can also be extremely troublesome. I hate to use the word ‘naughty’ but they are two little boys and of course they have their ‘naughty’ moments. But I can handle these; I have certain parenting techniques that I personally use and from that I approach each situation appropriately.  It’s what we do as parents.

One thing that I massively struggle with though is the grey.

This, for me, comes under the low level behaviour that in truth is quite frankly annoying!
There isn’t anything ‘naughty’ about what they are doing so it is difficult to address and respond and from that there is also difficulty finding the good.

These last few days with the boys have been a very grey area; I don’t think there is anything especially that I can clearly pinpoint and say “they have done….” and “I had to….”
Yet they have been consistent and intense with low level behaviour that has left me feeling drained!

I will list a few things that they have been up to:
·         Getting really close to me and ‘clicking’ in my ear.
·         Asking to eat something particular but then seeing it and refusing to eat it.
·         Taking 30 minutes to get their shoes on.
·         Doing their best whining and whinging voice “James keeps doing…” or “Will has just…”
·         Completely forgetting how to say please or thank you.
·         They also have turned off their volume control and EVERYTHING is loud.

Now these are just a few examples but I hope you get the idea. Nothing specifically is ‘naughty’, or at least from my point of view it isn’t, not like, as some of you may have seen, my recent Wicked Wednesday post.

But the above list and including other things have been nonstop; literally from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to bed.
Now I know a lot of people will read this and just think I am moaning and you may be kind of right but at the same time I would hope that you can at least, from a parenting point of view, see how tiring it can be!

But how can you express how it makes you feel?
I was asked this and the first thing that came out of my mouth was this: “They hurt my eyes”

And that my dear reader is exactly that; when their behaviour is intense and constant the only thing I can say is that they hurt my eyes. They make my eyes tired, ache and all I want to do is close them. Is this a normal feeling for us parents or am I completely alone in feeling this?
So for me I would much rather say that my boys are naughty and for them to do something outrageously bad than to have another week of intense low level behaviour. I can deal with the bad and can enjoy the good but the grey, well clearly this is a different problem altogether!

Do you have weeks where your children wear you down?
Is it just intense low level behaviour rather than anything outrageous?

Or am I moaning unnecessarily and possibly cursing myself to face an even harder, more challenging week?
Best of Worst

 
The Dad Network

42 comments:

Kim Carberry said...

I know exactly what you mean...
Like yesterday I had an evening like that. My tween wasn't being naughty or really doing anything, she was just pushing her luck. Winding her sister up and pushing my buttons. The in-between behaviour is hard work and tiring....All part of this parenting lark though x

Motherhood: The Real Deal said...

Haha those pesky kids they always know how to get into the grey areas which we don't know how to deal with. Yes my 2 year old is in constant grey area mode at the moment and YES it does wear you down. But better than having a blob of a child without much character I say. #bestandworst

http://motherhoodtherealdeal.com/

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks Kim. I'm glad you know what I mean. It's so frustrating that they know exactly what they can do without pushing you too far but you're right it's definitely part and parcel of it all.

Martyn Kitney said...

They definitely do. Aw a two year old in the grey is hard going! I know that! But you're right id hate a boring child....I wouldn't mind one that gives me a day off though ;)

Gary Mathews said...

It's god way of getting back at all of us for putting our own parents through hell. My daughter loves to see how far she can push her luck with me on a constant basis.

Unknown said...

I am so starting to get this low level things. Tapping me or tapping crayons on the table and then staring at me. Completely non-specific stuff but not full on naughty. Like you I don't mind a bit of naughtiness but the middle ground is so hard as do you ignore or tell-off? Yes I want my eyes too on these days. I think though I tend to ignore that sort of stuff if I can. It does tend to fair better!! Good luck and thanks so much for the support and linking up to #bestandworst. Hope to see you next week xx

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks Gary! I'm sure that you are right! I'm never sure if they realise how annoying they can be or if are pushing to snap lol

Martyn Kitney said...

No worries Sarah. Happy to share it.
Your little gremlin is still young id like to see your view on this in a year's time and see how easily you ignore it as the older the boys have got the more intense it seems. Ignoring is my route normally but I think the boys know how tired I am....they're like animals and they smell the fear lol

Plutonium Sox said...

Oh, I totally get this. It's the whining that drives me mad. About nothing in particular, moan, moan, moan. Really difficult to deal with as well.

Helen - Blogging Beautifully said...

Oh as a Mum of a toddler boy I can totally understand this, the phrase 'boys will be boys' sums him up to a T. Just earlier I wasn't doing what he wanted so decided to destroy his train track he'd built by lobbing it over the kitchen, fun!! I absolutely love this post so thankyou ever so much for sharing in the first best and worst linky, hope to see you again next week!

Helen - #bestandworst

Tubbs said...

True this. There isn't a proper term for it, it's just without meaning too, they hit every button you have. And then some!

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks Natalie. It's really tough to deal with when there isn't anything specifically wrong that they're doing! The whining particularly is annoying!

Martyn Kitney said...

Oh no! That is a stereotypical boy thing to do too! And so infuriating. :/
No worries, I'm sure I'll be back next week!

Martyn Kitney said...

That's exactly it! And why it's so frustrating! It's dead in the middle of a particular style of behaviour that can hit every button without pushing over the boundary lines!

Unknown said...

This post really made me chuckle as i can so relate. I only have one little boy and a baby at the moment but already the cacophony of noise drives me inane and like you say it is the grey area. When Monkey isn;t being naughty, just constantly loud and just argh, shush and sit down. Do I really want a quiet child who sits still all day? of course not but sometimes my brain just longs for the tiniest fraction of peace! great post :) #bestandworst

Hannah said...

Well you put it far more politely than I do! I hate it with a passion when my two go through these phases where they can't get on, where the come right into my face (if they weren't my children they wouldn't get that far I had my personal space invaded!) where they prod and poke me push every button then it's over and they're their normal selves! You're not alone!

Anonymous said...

What an interesting post and I know exactly what you mean. I have quite a lot of patience most of the time and I think it becomes like water off a ducks back (but then I only have one child). My partner however, really struggles with it. He can't understand why my son doesn't go and brush his teeth or put his shoes on the first time I ask instead of the third or fourth. I say "because he's a kid and they don't do that". I agree, it does wear you down at times. Great post Martyn, I do enjoy your writing and they really are gorgeous boys. x

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks for commenting! ha I know what you mean. I'm equally frustrated but at the same time I'm pleased my children aren't boring. But a little bit of peace would be good.

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks for commenting Hannah. I'm so pleased I'm not alone. Sounds like you're living exactly what I am!

Martyn Kitney said...

Thanks for commenting! I think a lot of it is also based on my mood and patience level. Sometimes I can just shrug it off but other times I'm like your partner. I know they're kids and they do this. And it's better than them being boring.
Thank you for your lovely comments too.

Anonymous said...

As the saying goes, boys will be boys. I know what you mean. Being naughty is all part of growing up. I look at it as a means of testing boundaries and challenging the world around them. If kids don't ever do anything wrong, I'd suggest they're probably not trying hard enough. Better to learn where the acceptable limits are and discover when it's okay to bend the rules and when it isn't than to forever go through life too afraid to be adventurous.

JOhn Adams said...

This, Martyn, is just life with young kids. I have two girls and they can wear me down. Interestingly, when they're split up and get one on one time they are both a delight. It;s when they;re together that there's a perpetual low-grade white noise. As the SAH parent I deal with this a lot more than my wife. She can struggle with it quite a lot but to me it;s kinda become second nature. Oh, and who wants perfect kids? I think any young child who is absolutely perfect is almost certain to grow into some sort of sociopathic, homocidal freak in later life.

Mama, My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows said...

For me it's the whining when nothing is wrong. Enough to send a mum doolally. Think it's an unavoidable part of being a parent, unfortunately.

#bigfatlinky

Unknown said...

I left a long comment but don't think it made it due to internet probs! Apologies if I post twice :).
I agree with you totally and some days it feels like they're scraping away at my brain! It definitely depends on my tiredness levels too. I'm always grateful for it though because I remember a time when I wasn't sure our youngest with Down Syndrome would ever be capable of creating the 'young kid white noise' thing...which of course he is!

Hannah said...

I completely agree. It's the grey that breaks you! #bigfatlinky

Lianne said...

I can confirm this is a very normal feeling. I often feel the low level behaviour effects, the best word I can think of also is drained. I feel totally washed out, I feel I nag from morning to night. I hate nagging so much and I hate the sound of my own voice constantly nagging. I have no idea why kids go through this, perhaps it's to test us and are patience skills. I often wonder whether its just my tolerance levels and some days I'm less able to cope with it then others. I'm glad I'm not the only one who also suffers this. My lovely children know how to push my buttons too and I think they test us #BigFatLinky

jeremy@thirstydaddy said...

I'm OK with just about anything except the whining. Can't take the whining.

Unknown said...

I know exactly where you are coming from Martyn. The middle ground can be pretty exhausting. The shoe thing - free. My toddler daughter tends to run off when I'm trying to help her get ready to go out... And the whining too... They certainly like to keep us on our toes. At least it sounds like you have the big stuff sussed which is impressive! #bigfatlinky

Unknown said...

I completely get what you mean, it can be such hard work sometimes but the good outweigh the bad :) #BigFatLinky

Unknown said...

Never really thought of it this way, but I get what you're saying. #bigfatlinky

Stevie - A Cornish Mum said...

My boys are mostly good thankfully but as I type this my eldest is kicking off because he can't have a friend to sleep over grrr! Last sleepover we had to buy new bulbs in the lounge after the banging on the ceiling the night before from them all.

I love my children, other people's children in my house....not so much ;)

Stevie #BigFatLinky

Mummy Fever said...

My children are 'good' children in that they are impeccably behaved elsewhere.So the big two are angels at school for example.This week there has been some bickering between the big two which is draining. I asked them what they thought their teachers would say if they saw them like that - they decided they would be very disappointed and they stopped ... for now lol ! #bigfatlinky

Unknown said...

I completely understand what you are on about. M is 75% grey at the moment. It does my head in, and make my eyes hurt too. I end up shouting at her as i am tired. Bu I shouldn't be shouting as she's not being naughty, she is just being annoying!! Great post..and so relatable! :-) #bigfatlinky

NKB said...

Mine is 9 but has shown signs of tween behaviour in her attitude to family members, mostly me and her grandparents but she's perfect elsewhere. It's just very draining when it happens and you feel exhausted waiting for the next thing to happen and wondering what will trigger it. I find it hard to know how and when to react because she has had some big things to deal with and has our living circumstances to contend with and sometimes my reaction has more to do with me than her. I never wanted to say don't, no, can't etc to her and I didn't want her to feel there are things she can't do or have bad days, bad moods etc. You just want them to be happy, healthy and successful 24/7 but life happens I guess #BigFatLinky

Ali said...

I have a 1 year old that's a real live wire but I see it as personality not naughtiness and his personality shining through. #bigfatlinky
Ali @ Mum in a Nutshell

Luke Strickland said...

Can definitely relate to this - sadly not sure I have an answer for 'grey' behaviour! You do a great job though, keep on keeping on!

Unknown said...

Oh man! I just want to give you a hug and a high-five right now. I am so drained right now, so exhausted and so frustrated with my kids. I'm physically & emotionally wiped out. Due to my wife's work schedule and a bizarre trip, I've essential had our 4 kids alone for 10 days. They haven't been terrible but they've been grey! (I didn't even realize it until I read your post) This is exactly what's going on. Thanks for writing this, for putting it into words. Now that I can consciously realize what's going on I can try to overcome it. (So to speak)

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you mean! When he's good he is amazing...when he wants to exert his authority or act in a certain manner, it is exhausting! I don't have much advice but I think like with everything, it's just a phase and it's always changing so we just have to wait it out. #bigfatlinky

Ashley Beolens said...

I know exactly where you are coming from it can be so hard telling kids off when they have not really done anything bad. I'm fortunate to have the sort of voice when a little cross that stops kids being naughty with the word "enough" but it never makes me feel good.

Random Musings said...

I must apologise first because I did laugh a little at the bit where they creep up and click really loud in your ear! I know what you mean - there's good days, bad days and then these irritating days! #bigfatlinky
Debbie
www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com

Unknown said...

I completely get this!! And my boy is only little. I think you've summed it up really well, it's a really lovely post. It's often easier to respond to things and move on when they are more definite in every aspect of life. Hoping you get a week of one or the another now!

Bear and Cardigan said...

Oh that has taken me back.... and now I have it to look forward to! Makes your eyes hurt. I know exactly what you mean.