Midge Got the Job

Fifteen months ago, Midge finished the first year of a Beauty Therapy course at college. She did really well but struggled with the physicality. As she looked ahead to the second year, it became clear that some aspects of the course weren't going to work alongside her health needs. It wasn't that she couldn't do the work. It was that reasonable adjustments and understanding were in short supply. Her tutor just wouldn’t adjust. The attitude seemed to be, "This is how we've always done it. We can’t change it." She could have. It wasn’t hard. I wanted to fight, like I have done for James and Arty. Midge didn't. She wanted to move on.

Parenting James: Five Months Later and Facing a New Battle

I last wrote about James in May. As expected, it’s taken three weeks into the school term and I’m writing about him again. That’s not surprising considering the last five posts have mostly centred around his school life.

Maddy Time: Avengers Endgame Encore

Spoiler Warning: This post contains plot details from Avengers: Endgame Encore.

Midge and I went to see Avengers: Endgame Encore last week. It promised four minutes of new footage that would link Endgame to Avengers: Doomsday. We were curious. Maddy Time is our thing. We do other activities, but cinema trips are where we mostly connect. This felt like something we had to see, even if it was only for those extra minutes.

Brotherly Love

My brother is three years older than me. Unfortunately, I don’t have many good memories of him growing up. We're completely different people. He hated school. I loved it. He was physical. I wasn’t.

Maddy Time: Spiderman Brand New Day

Spoiler Warning: This post contains plot details from Spiderman: Brand New Day.

On Friday, Midge and I went to see Spiderman: Brand New Day, and it felt like the perfect way to spend our last bit of time together before she heads to her dad’s. We’re both Marvel fans, and when we do get some Maddy Time, watching movies is our thing. It’s how we connect. So, for me, this film mattered before we even sat down. I get time with my amazing daughter.

Midge Passed Her Driving Test

When your child reaches a milestone, you feel it in a way that sits somewhere between pride, relief, and joy. Last week my amazing daughter, Midge passed her driving test. I knew she would. She was ready long before the certificate arrived, yet hearing her say the words still felt like a moment worth holding.

A Positive School Meeting

Two weeks ago I wrote about an incident with a staff member at Arty’s school. A week later, after my complaint, I met with the Head teacher. It wasn’t the best day. Miss L, offered to move the meeting but I wanted it done.

My nerves weren’t just about Arty or what happened that morning. After eighteen months of fighting for James, I knew school meetings can turn against you fast. I’ve watched schools hide mistakes rather than fix them. I’ve seen the system break my child. Those experiences entered this room with me.

This meeting felt different. They had a staff member take notes because I cannot. That alone was a small victory after everything that happened with James’ school.

Parenting James: Learning Again, Living With Trauma, and What the Diagnosis Really Means

James has been with his new tutor for three weeks. We didn’t know how it would go. He spent the weekend before the first session begging me to cancel it. His anxiety was through the roof. He didn’t want to go back to anything that looked or sounded like school.

We didn’t cancel. We adjusted. We started at 10am instead of 9.30am so he had space to breathe. That shift made the difference. He met G. They talked. They found a rhythm and lesson interests. She explained that learning didn’t have to be at a table, actively involving worksheets, or be the rigid routine that broke him. They could go out, explore, and learn in the world. Whatever sparked his interest. Lessons, resources, and routines all built around him. 

Wrexham, Weddings, and a Family Weekend

It’s a bank holiday weekend. May bank holidays usually have us taking part in the Sweeps Festival, but this one is different. The six of us are driving to Wrexham to celebrate Hannah’s brother getting married on Monday. The rest of her family arrive on Sunday. We wanted to stretch the weekend into something more than a timetable and a wedding, so we left today.

A Spoonful of Fear

I overheard a child the other day talking about his dad to his sibling.

He started by saying “There’s a difference between mum and dad when they tell you off".

Growing up we had the “wait until your father gets home” repeatedly said to us when, in fact, the one we were primarily worried about upsetting was mum.
Dad was the laid back one.

Falling Short

I’ve said it so many times but the best thing to ever happen to me as a person and as a parent was to separate from the boys mum.

Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t a reflection of her or our marriage but more as me as a person.

8 years ago I wasn’t the man that I am today.

A lot has changed.

Little Tikes #DadsPlayMission

We have been incredibly lucky to be asked by the team over at Little Tikes to go on a play mission as a Dadbassador.

 

Our mission was to go on 2 play adventures with the boys whilst we also had the chance to try out and play with their new range of Wheelz toys.

 

We started off by receiving a large box to explore the new range toy:

6 Reasons why we don't celebrate Halloween

This may well be the most controversial post I’ve ever written but I‘m not writing this to be controversial.

We do not celebrate Halloween.

I’ve never celebrated Halloween. I grew up without celebrating it and for what I consider valid reasons, which I will explain at the bottom, still don’t. Apart from my sixth form and university years where it was more a “social drinking and getting laid event” it’s never been anything that I wanted to participate in.

Here are 6 reasons why we didn’t and still don’t:

New Parents at Christmas

This time last year I had a belated birthday present when my lifelong friend told me that both his wife and he were expecting a child.

I was thrilled, excited and finally had one of my long existing friends become a parent; something that I was alone for what feels a life time.

This year has flown by.

Should the boys room be their Castle?

There has been a lot of change around within our little flat this last month.

Since Ben moved into help us where my disability is progressively difficult, as well as it benefitting him, the layout and space of the flat has changed.

We live in a 2 bed flat with accessible bathroom and kitchen and one more room which we use as a lounge. Up until now I had a bedroom, the boys had the other and we had the lounge as our communal area. However, since accepting Ben to move in we potentially needed an extra bedroom that wasn’t here.

It soon became apparent that I needed my own personal space where I could shut the door, relax, decompress and form some secluded respite. Yet, it also became apparent that both the boys and Ben deserved this too.

The plan was to move Ben into the second bedroom and the boys to move into the lounge creating a lounge/bedroom.

A Day ay Reculver Towers

As part of our current Home Ed topic about Rivers and Beaches, we have been exploring the different beaches that are local to us. We are incredibly lucky to live on the South East coast and have plenty of different places around us.

Ten Things I wish I knew before becoming a Parent! - Part 2

Back in October I wrote a list of Ten things I wish I knew before becoming a Parent which it seemed everyone could relate to at one point or another.

Since then I have found out that two of my close friends are expecting children in 2016; one of which I was lucky enough to see this last weekend.

Whilst sitting and chatting he ended up asking me for advice on what to expect. 

I obviously showed him the previous post but the conversation also extended on to ten more points, which I thought I would share with you.

So here are ten more things I wish I knew before becoming a parent:

1. Getting dressed is always a struggle!

It doesn’t matter how old your child gets there is always something that a child will struggle with when getting dressed. Due to this it can become a battle when trying to get them dressed. It could be buttons, arms through the head slot, wiggling toes whilst putting socks on or hoody jumpers upside down anything; it’ll take you longer than you expect!

2. Getting undress takes seconds!

Every Parent can get a child dressed in their own individual time frame. It could take a while especially if the child does all the wriggling and moving possible. But be warned if your back is turned for a moment you can find your child naked running around, not having difficulty with any items!

 3. They like being naked.

With point one and two in mind please be aware that they like being naked. It doesn’t matter if it is warm or cold your child will always feel comfortable being naked and running around in their birthday suit like a crazy sports fan!

 4. They can destroy a room in minutes.

So you have spent the last hour or the evening before tidying up and cleaning where possible. But know this, it doesn’t matter within minutes they can destroy the room. Toys, cards, teddies, dolls or cars, it doesn’t matter, to cross the room will be at your own risk!

 5. If they're tired it doesn't mean they'll sleep  

It doesn’t matter if you have had a long and busy day just because you can see that they are tired doesn’t mean that they will sleep; they will be slightly tougher and need more attention! They are, in true fashion, “over-tired”

6. They can fall asleep in seconds!

Despite point five please know that they can go from talking and playing to being asleep in seconds. This is usually at the worst time! If you are planning on going somewhere, it doesn’t matter how long it takes the second you pull up you will find that they are asleep even if they were talking to you seconds before!

7. Children have no sense of cleanliness!

You could cook them the most delicious dinner and they will tell you that they don’t like it. However, you will catch them licking counter tops at shops, signs of ice creams, dirt, creatures and anything that shouldn’t be consumed by humans!

8. You won’t know current music

You will hear people talking about songs or albums that are currently released but you will have no idea. What you will know is every word to the theme tune of their favourite show.

“They're two, they're four, they're six, they're eight, shunting trucks and hauling freight. Red and green and brown and blue, they're the Really Useful Crew”

9. Cars will become a travelling baby store

You will have clothes, toys, spare nappies or wipes in your car. You could have a large enough amount to help other parents out in an emergency. For Mum’s, this will be extended to their handbag!

10. Children have a blind spot!

If you ask your child to go get something or pick something up they will stand directly above it, looking directly at it but they will not see it. You can specify with them that it is “right there, in front of you” and they will not see it at all!


Hope you enjoyed my random Ten more things. With this post and the previous what would you like to have told yourself before you became a parent?
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Brotherly Love

Growing up my brother and I really wasn't that close. There's almost 4 years age difference between us and to be honest it showed in our relationship; even now as adult’s.

I was always starting school when he was just finishing and I always felt like I was entering following his impact; either good or bad.

Rise above the Hate

There are a few moments in life when you look at your children and question the world that they are growing up in.

Asthma Sucks!

I went to bed late last night. This time I didn't get to sleep straightaway. Instead I was a wake calming a scared, crying and wheezing little boy. Asthma sucks!

For everyone who has followed the blog over the last year then you would know that I have had some awful night’s with James, where we both have spent the evenings in the hospital waiting to see what would happen.

But that wasn’t the first time.

At 5 and 10 months old James was admitted with bronchitis; I have never been so scared in my life. 

In some ways the co-parenting journey started there for his Mum and I. We were in it as a team together; although in different ways.

James was in hospital struggling and his Mum stayed by his side. I have to admit that in that time I rarely went to see James. I was focused on being with William and, in truth, I found it difficult to see James in the position he was in; despite my own health problems I found his vulnerability difficult to swallow.  Instead we tried to keep as much routine going with William. He was just under 3 years old and although he was young you could tell that he was worried; so I took that as my job and focused on him and saw James when I could get support from family.

Luckily he's a little fighter and his smiles were back again. 

4 years later he is having a response between every 2-3 weeks since the beginning of October. His breathing becomes shallow and sharp. You can hear his chest rattle with every breath and it is heart-breaking; then off to the hospital we go.

It’s worse because James is 4 years old.

Why does this make it worse?

Well, honestly, it’s because he's too young to be diagnosed with Asthma.

At the moment every time James is admitted to the hospital they tell us he has had an asthmatic response; this will be his 6th asthmatic response this year.

Asthma is difficult to diagnose when the child is aged between 0 – 5. According to Doctors, as well as the NHS, it's hard to tell whether a child has asthma or another childhood condition. This is because the symptoms of asthma also occur with other conditions at a young age.

There is also find the fact that many young children who wheeze when they get colds or respiratory infections don't go on to have asthma after they're 6 years old.

For example: A child may wheeze because he or she has small airways that become even narrower during colds or respiratory infections. The airways grow as the child grows older, so wheezing no longer occurs when the child gets colds.

Normally, Doctor’s will do a variety of test to tell:

A Doctor will use a test called spirometry to check how the child’s lungs are working; this test measures how much air you can breathe in and out.

They will then treat the child with medicine and see how and if it helps with lung function. Subsequently if the results are lower than normal and improve with the medicine, and if the medical history shows a pattern of asthma symptoms, then diagnosis will likely be asthma.

See, for me, this is all good and I can understand to some extent why they leave it until 5 years old to rule out other problems. However, saying that I am the one that listens and watches my child’s breathing.

James is the cheeky chap; he always has been. I have always said that out of the two boy’s James was born to test every ounce of me as a parent; he is in to anything and everything and will stand there and test every boundary that is presented to him.

He is my livewire and he knows it!

Then there is the James that I was listening to last night. This is my baby boy: fragile, struggling and weak. I hate it!

I know that this and previous times have all just been the start of his journey with Asthma; something that, although they won’t completely diagnose, has been suggested is the route to this.

Over the years both his Mum and I have had are turns at being at his bedside doing what we can, monitoring his breathing, like last night, and just stick by him; hospital or home.

Their Mum and I have got a good arrangement when it happens and we seem to tag team one of the Boys each so we can focus on stability of the other.

The pump James has been given in the meantime does help a little but it doesn’t seem to really support him long term; which I am guessing is to do with the dosage.  This coupled with the steroids they give him short term; they do seem to take the edge of a bit but only until they run out. I just wish that we could have a clear diagnosis now and get exactly what he needs.

I just hope, for now, that he has fewer asthmatic responses this year.