Are You Silky, Crunchy or Something In Between?

Originally written in November 2014 as 'Are you Silky or Crunchy?'—Updated for clarity and reflection in 2026.

I was talking to my ex yesterday about a few things. The boys came up first, then home education, and finally this blog. Our relationship has not always been simple. That is expected when a couple separates and children sit in the middle of it. We both had our issues. We both had to grow up. What matters now is that we raise the boys with mutual respect and clear communication. Co‑parenting communication has become one of the most important parts of our lives.

We talked about home schooling, free learning, baby led weaning, and how we supported breastfeeding into toddlerhood. These choices were not always straightforward. Some needed long conversations. Some needed compromise. All of them made me realise how much I have changed since the day we found out we were expecting our eldest, and even our youngest. I barely recognise the man I was then.

I joked that I felt like a hippy with the way I parent now. 

[Image 2. A playful cartoon of a classic hippie figure, complete with bold colours, peace sign, and retro sunglasses.]

She told me I was not a hippy. She said I was a Scrunchy. I had no idea what that meant. My first thought was that she was talking about hairbands. She explained it. I still looked confused. So I researched it.

The internet is full of quizzes asking if you are a Silky or Crunchy parent. Most of them are written for mums. I am not a mum. I am a very present dad who does the schoolwork, the bedtime battles, the crying at bedtime moments, the potty training disasters, and the toilet support that young children need. So I took the test anyway.

This is what I found:

Crunchy

- gives birth at home
- natural birth
- prefers midwives
- eats placenta
- breastfeeds
- against circumcision
- does not vaccinate
- co‑sleeps
- cloth nappies
- believes children cannot be over nurtured
- home schools
- organic lifestyle
- Low Tox/ toxin-free households
- Struct screen-time limits
- Holistic wellness & alternative medicine
- Granola / "Almond Mom (Dad's too!) Crossover
- Eco-minimalism

Silky  

- gives birth at hospital  
- pro‑medication  
- prefers doctors  
- grossed out by placenta  
- formula feeds  
- pro circumcision  
- vaccinates  
- crib sleeps  
- disposable nappies  
- uses cry it out  
- public school  
- mainstream lifestyle
- comfortable screen time
- tech-positive parenting
- flexible routines
- pre-cooked meals and convenience
- plastic toys and licensed characters
- strong trust in medical professionals

Some sites also include baby led weaning under Crunchy.

I went down the list and ticked what matched my parenting choices. I realised my ex was right. I am a Scrunchy parent who leans strongly towards Crunchy. I will not list every Crunchy point I agreed with. I will highlight the ones I did not.

Eating the placenta. I cannot do it. I do not understand it. I respect people who choose it. I still do not get it.

Vaccinations. I support childhood vaccinations. I believe in protecting children. As an adult I sometimes prefer homeopathic options, but that is a different conversation.

Cloth nappies. I respect anyone who uses them. I found disposable nappies easier as a dad. That is the honest truth.

These labels made me think about how parents are judged. Parenting judgement is everywhere. People love to place mums and dads into neat categories. I have seen single dad stereotypes. I have seen people look for the mum even when the dad is standing right there. I have seen people assume dads are absent fathers. I have seen people tell boys to man up. I have seen gender identity in children dismissed as a phase. I have seen know it all parents tell others how to raise their children.

These labels do not help. They rarely fit. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle. Most of us are doing our best with the information we have. Most of us are learning as we go.

So instead of asking what kind of mum you are, I want to ask something different. There is a quiet but growing group of stay at home dads and single dads who do every day actions, like the school runs, the home ed lessons, the bedtime routines, and the emotional labour. Are they welcome to join the Silky, Crunchy, or Scrunchy clubs? 

What kind of parent are you?  

Are you Silky, Crunchy or Scrunchy?

2026 Reflection

Reading this post again feels like opening a time capsule. I can see a younger version of myself trying to understand who he was as a parent. I was navigating co‑parenting, sharing time, learning how to see beyond the label, and trying to work out where I fit in a world that often treated dads as background characters. I felt the weight of single dad stereotypes and the pressure to prove my worth as alone parent. I was still figuring out why I chose home education and how different styles of home ed shaped our days. I was discovering unschooling, which became a very Crunchy thing to do, and learning how to handle life and parenthood without losing patience, even at the most upsetting times.

I can see now how much of my early parenting was shaped by insecurity. I wanted to get everything right, avoid the mistakes people expected single dads to make, to stop asking where the boys’ mum was, and be seen as a parent, not a placeholder. I wanted to be taken seriously in a world that still assumes mums know best.

The years that followed taught me more than any parenting label ever could. I learned so many aspects of parenthood, and continued learning more. I learned that gender norms are fragile and children break them with joy. I learned that the boys can dream and sing of  Barbie and Ken, and grow into kind humans. I learned that single parents at Christmas carry a different kind of weight. I learned that parenting is not about being Silky or Crunchy. It is about being present.

If you are reading this now, years later, I hope you find the same freedom I did. You do not need a label. You need honesty, patience, and the courage to grow.

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